Mother has breast cancer, and I'm abroad....

Anonymous314

I found out a few hours ago that my mom was diagnosed with intermediate grade breast cancer. Obviously, this sucks. But I'm also 3000+ miles away abroad, and I don't know what I can do. I've offered to come home, but she wants me to keep studying here for now. I just feel so completely and utterly useless, and I know there's Skype, messaging, and whatever, but I don't even know what to do. Does anybody have any advice or suggestions on how to help or what to say? I just wish I was there to give her a hug or take her to chemo or really anything. I don't want to do or say the wrong thing. How can I help her?

Sorry for the mess that is this post. I don't know if I am doing or saying the right thing when posting either. Still sort of in shock. There is absolutely no family history of it at all.

jhawk78

Hi Anonymous314...take a deep breath. You sound like a very caring, loving daughter which I am thankful for myself. Was your mom just diagnosed? If you read some of the posts here, you'll begin to understand the diagnosis, decisions and treatments take time. It's not something done quickly. Your love and support are priceless at this time - it sounds like your mom wants you to continue with your current studying. Continuing to let her know you are there, thinking of her and available to come home if needed is so valuable. Do you know she will be undergoing chemotherapy? Again, take a deep breath - you will probably be hearing from a lot of wonderful women full of very helpful advice. Your posting was perfect as you expressed exactly how you are feeling. We are all here for you and your mom.

sabihah

Hi Anonymous314. I'm in a somewhat similar situation, because I live a couple of thousand miles from my Mom, and she's in the middle of cancer treatments now. (She had a bilateral mastectomy, and she's starting chemo soon.) I agree with what jhawk78 said. It sounds like your Mom really wants you to continue your studies, and get the most out of your time abroad. And yes, this is a process that will probably take a year or more, so unless you hear that there's some urgency to your Mom's situation, I would recommend finding a time to visit that doesn't interfere with your studies.

Calling your Mom often, sending her flowers now and then, and so on, would probably help a lot. Also, does she have other people there to help her? My Mom's support network in her hometown has been amazing. I also helped a little by making sure our friends and family knew about her surgery (when she was ready to tell everyone), so they could rally around her. By the way, she wasn't ready to make her cancer public knowledge for the first couple of months either. You'll have to see what your Mom is comfortable with.

Hopefully you'll find good support on these boards.