Starting Chemo, November 2013 Group

Bec65

Thank you, everyone, for helping me through my hospital roomie's death.  I'm going to her funeral tomorrow - my second breast cancer funeral after my MIL's.  All your words helped me start thinking about advocacy and what I can do.  I'm still mulling it over.  I feel like I tell everyone I can to do their self exams and to nag their doctor if they think something is up.  But can I do more?  I want to, especially now.  

I have figured out one thing.  I realize now I have the OPPORTUNITY to be in that clinical trial.  I finished reading the After Breast Cancer book (highly recommend, btw).  When it was written in 2003 -- just ten years ago -- aromatase inhibitors were in clinical trials after they were found to be good for advanced BC.  Now we have them!   Growth inhibitors are the AIs of our time, so if I'm eligible to test one out to see if it can help, how can I not sign up?  

This is a bit off-topic, but only sort of.  I had an epiphany today, a major life AH HA moment.  It seems to me the crux of contentment and good mental health is feeling safe in one's vulnerabilities.  I read self-help books all the time, and they do help, but they've never seemed "connected" to a grand philosophy as far as I could see.  But now, my book pile makes sense!  When Brene Brown talks about the Gifts of Imperfection, she's talking about how creativity is borne from vulnerability.  In order to work from a vulnerability, you have to feel safe.  When Dan Harris (10% Happier) talks about taming that critical voice in his head, he's talking about feeling safe from the vulnerabilities his ego keeps bringing up.  I can see this common thread now in all my books; each author just approaches it from a different angle. 

So, it seems that I can either change the things that make me feel vulnerable, or I can learn how to to feel safe in the vulnerabilities just the way they are.  I can see choices I've made based on this tension between vulnerability and comfort throughout my whole life.  That's why I'm a teaching ASSISTANT and not a teacher, for goodness sake!  And, not for nothing, it's why I love you girls more than my in-person group.  Right now, my big issues are with my health and with my DD's mental health.  I can't change the inputs on those, so I HAVE TO change the result, and hopefully my therapist is up to the task! 

I don't know if any of that made sense to anyone, but if you stuck with me through my ramblings, thank you!  

Today is clarity day for me -- first my vulnerability breakthrough, then I got new contact lenses (really, I did!).  Great happy music on the radio on the way home, even the Happy song!  

Amazon, I'm glad the tattoos weren't physically as bad as you thought.  Mine are teeny too and right now are lost in a mess of a radiation rash.  I hope their symbolism gets less significant for you too.  As someone a few weeks ahead of you, I can say that it gets better.  Radiation becomes a new "job" and then when it's over, the rejuvenation begins.  And yes, Audra, thank goodness this is happening for us in spring!

smrlvr

Bec, I am so,sorry about your hospital  roommate.  That is so sad.  I will pray for her family.  I always think of the kids!  It is horrible and cancer does suck!

Wally, I am glad you are feeling better this time.  

Lisa, it sounds like you are too!  I am so glad we don't have a bass pro shop around here because my husband would be there all the time!  In fact, he just purchased a new rod and reel, but he got them from eBay which saved a few bucks.  He loves fishing and after what he has been through with me he deserves a new fishing rod.

Amazon, I know exactly how you felt when they marked you all up.  They marked me up,with a purple sharpie and covered the spots they were going to tattoo with a clear sticker.  When I looked in the mirror I didn't feel like a person.  It was upsetting.  But I can say that the radiation therapists are really great and I enjoy seeing them every day.  I have been using aquaphor and aloe and so far so good with the skin.  I am hoping it hold up so if I decide to do,reconstruction, tissue expanders will be an option.  I have been reading in the spring rads thread that some of the ladies are taking curcumin supplement in powder form.  Apparently some studies have been done showing that it helps the skin during radiation.  I am going to ask my RO about it when I see him on Monday. I see him every Monday.  

I am really tired, and I don't know if it is the radiation or my job.  Probably a bit of both.  I like to,walk every day, but again today it is windy and gray and miserable.  I think the walking helps with the fatigue.  Also  drinking water helps with the radiation.  Pat, your picture of your weekend house looks glorious.  I long for some sunshine and warmth.  

Jab, I saw Billy Joel about 20 years ago and he was great.  I just found out today that Paul McCartney is coming to town this summer.  I love him!  I am hoping I can get some tickets, but it is his only concert in New York, and they will,go fast.  That would sure give me something to look forward to.

jab

Hmmm, Bec, you make an very interesting point. Something I have noticed as a result of BC is that my DH and I are much closer. I think it has to do with what you are referring to. I have never been so vulnerable as I have been while in bed, and very sick, post infusion. I hate being dependent on ANYONE. However, I think my independence has been a barrier in our relationship. With chemo, I had to come to terms with the vulnerability I would feel when dependent and be OK with it and my DH taking care of me. And my DH seems to really like doing things for me when I am sick. He has taken charge of our lives and has been doing a great job of making sure all is taken care of while I am out of commission. He is such a good man, but I digress...

 Anyway - A great point Bec. I suspect all of us have been feeling our vulnerabilities through this, but perhaps in different ways. I hope all works out for you and your D too, Bec.

Ladies, I hope you all have a hot flash free night!

JAB

QuirkyGirl

Amazon- I also got six and had a very similar reaction and similar tattoos.  It's a lot to take in.  The good news is that once the shock wears off, you should feel much better.  I do.  Hang in there!  I'm halfway through with minimal SE.

ellenkc

Quirky and Amazon, about tattoos: Last time around (2006) when I had radiation, at the point that they were prepping for the boosts, the techs were kind of hurrying around doing several things. One of the techs leaned over me, and something poked me for a second. Only after the fact did I realize that she had added a tattoo -- she never said a word about it until I asked.

I was absolutely outraged! There is not way I would give any answer other than "yes" to the tattoo, but it just outraged me to have it done without my permission. There is so much powerlessness in this whole process that this little thing just sent me over the edge.

Being a delayed reactor, I raged and cried at home that night. But I did go in and talk to her the next morning. She apologized for being in a rush, getting into production mode, and forgetting to ask me. Hopefully she got the point and didn't do it to someone else.

Ellen 

inks

Audra - I got a chuckle from your drug company conspiracy theory. I think drug companies love to make money so they would be very interested in finding a cure. And some of the research is done at universities and such. Or maybe the tobacco companies would have a vested interest in finding a cure so they could sell more cigarettes.

Amazon - glad your tattoos were not painful. You can get the tattoos removed by a dermatologist and there are even some OTC creams for tattoo removal. I bet it does not take much to remove those tiny dots. I was given an option of tattoos or sharpie. I chose to do the tattoos on the sides.

Bec - I am so happy you are considering the clinical trial. Sending you hugs for your friends funeral.

Amazonwarrior

pat: It's must be nice to have some green surrounding to relax in. The pic looks great. We are slowly getting to double digits here. Today is sunny and plus 12 C which is great. I have to do some walking today.

wally: Good to hear that you are doing fine this time round and were able to enjoy the concert.

smrlvr, ellen, quirky: It's interesting that we had similar reactions to the tattoo markings. It gives me some level of comfort to know that I am not the only one to feel this way about it.

inks: I appreciate the tips how to remove the markings.

phebe; You were asking about curcumin. It's an extract from turmeric root and it's shown to have anti-tumour properties.

bec, jab: I too became more aware of my vulnerabilities since the dx. It was a difficult process for me to let myself be vulnerable, but it also came with some unexpected bonuses. It made me realize that a lot of people are super helpful and kind when given the opportunity.

Palameda

Amazon, yes those tattoos can be removed by a laser zap. Mine look so much like my freckles that I'm not concerned (for once it pays to be pale Irish covered with freckles!).

Becca, so sorry you have to deal with a death. The fears that form the clouds that linger behind us...

Audra, I doubt they have a cure. Think of how much more money they could make from that!

I've gone for a second time to an in-person support group. I don't find it at all helpful. You women have gotten me through this. I think it's easier for me to bare my fears and vulnerabilities on-line with you than these strangers in a room. I feel I know you so much better!

I'm working on regaining strength, both mental and physical. I find that groups of people exhaust me. I'd never realized how weak I would be afterwards. I know I need patience, but I've never been the most patient person. I had a ton of things to do Monday. I managed the majority of them, although I had to drop one large commitment. Then I was exhausted yesterday. I'm so used to having reserves I can call upon that allow me to push to do a million things. Uh uh, no reserves. I'm currently hiding up in our cabin for the rest of the week. No people, no demands, just my pets. I actually cart my two cats up here along with the two giant dogs. The cats are used to it so they actually enjoy the car ride.

I've got a colony of feral cats that live in my yard up here. Two skinny teenage girls showed up last summer. I was concerned they were starving, so I started feeding them. I didn't realize they were sisters who each had a litter of kittens. I took three of the kittens I could catch to a shelter. I've trapped 5 of the cats this spring and gotten them fixed, but I'm worried that at least one of the remaining 3 (kittens born last year) is preggers. A colony of 8 is more than enough cats. Two of the males are really affectionate, and would like to come in the house.  Sigh. One of "my" cats was a feral from up here, but I so much don't want to turn into a cat lady. I pay a teenager to put out food every day when I'm not here. I refuse to call the outdoor cats "mine!"

lisa137

They'd make way more money if they had a cure because then they could release so many more known cancer-causing products into our grocery stores and environments and be all "Don't worry. We can cure it!" So no, I don't think there's cure conspiracy. 

jab, I could have written what you said. Every word of it. You hit the nail on the head for me, and for my husband. It's the reason why I can only really cry over this when I'm curled up close to him (and as Bec says, feeling safe.) Before all THIS, I never really cried in front of him, much less ON him. 

QuirkyGirl

it's definitely a recovery process.  I drove 60 miles to radiation, then to work to meet a deadline, then got a call mom needed to be admitted to the ER, zoomed back home to be with her, stayed with her until dinner time, made dinner for my boy and then WHAM!  I was super tired and zero reserves to draw on.  I walked sloooowly through Walmart later on to get items for a school project and now I'm going to crash.  None of that would have worn me out before treatment.  I guess it just takes awhile to get back up to speed.

Pat, your retreat from people sounds great!

lisa137

Quirky, as of right now I am 1 week and umm.... what's today? One week and three days PFC and a trip from my bedroom to my front door and back wears me out. (Of course, it IS a long house, but still.)

I managed to unload and reload my dishwasher, fold and put away a load of laundry, transfer another load of laundry from washer to dryer, and put another load in to wash today, and I thought I'd accomplished something. lol.  Of course, to cut myself a little bit of slack, I'll add that yesterday I had a stomach bug or had eaten something that disagreed with me, or a late blooming chemo side effect--SOMETHING--and spent the entire day in bed going back and forth between feeling nauseous and just having a quite painful tummy. Lasted from late yesterday morning until late last night; pretty miserable. Whatever it was, I'm glad it was gone today.

Really though, that final chemo really did wipe me completely out. I'm glad I didn't get the eleven days of pain that I got last round (that sucked) but here in the middle of week two, I EXPECT to be a little more perky than I am. Well...as they say, the exhaustion is cumulative so I reckon I've accumulated a good share of it. Hoping to feel better by Friday as hubby is taking the day off and wants me to go shopping with him. I told him that if I'm NOT feeling perkier within a few days I'm gonna call up Dr. Rockstar and ask him "What's up with that, yo?" Just to be sure.

NorthwindsGS

Had last Taxol today.   They had me ring the bell which surprised me as I thought we did that after Radiation. Was not prepared and had nothing to say.  My chemo nurses gave  us a bottle of champagne to help celebrate.   Also met radiation doctor today.  She is very nice.  Simulation and tattoos tomorrow and start Rads on Monday!  No rest for the weary!!  My oncologist wants to start radiation immediately as I need to start the Interferon very soon.  May even over lap the radiation some.  I was hoping for a week or two off before starting.  

Oh, I also start Tamoxifen Monday.  Was handed the script today.   So many new treatments at once to deal with.  Keeps me spinning around for sure.

I am sorry I have been missing in action so to speak.  I try to read daily on how everyone is doing.  Been such a whirlwind at home with the new diagnose of melanoma.  This stuff is pretty scary. If it spreads of a time line for prognosis.  So aggressive and smart.  We decided I will try the Interferon.  Don't think I could handle not doing it and it returns with a vengeance.  Would always wonder what if.......I talked with the nurses who administer the medication and they all agreed it is very hard to do the first four weeks.  They feel I won't be able to work through it burns hope to prove them wrong.  Have to keep swimming.........just keep swimming........... 

Thinking of you ladies all the time.  Glad to see you all posting here, great to read how everyone's day went. Miss seeing Toni and Paulette!  Hope all is okay.

wallymama

Spent the last couple of days felling so very down. I know it's to be expected at times, but it makes me feel selfish when it happens. There are so many who have it much worse, that I can't help but feel that way. Even so many of you have had much worse SEs than I have, that I really don't feel that I deserve to get so down. I just thought that I should be doing better after more than a week and it didn't seem to be happening.This morning I realized that my body will do what it has to, what it wants, and I cannot control that. I can, however, try harder to control my mind and not let myself sink so low. In eleven days I will get the last infusion. I hope that means that in four weeks or so, these yucky, draggy, nasty tasting effects will be gone. I can take another month. Piece of cake (which doesn't sound at all tasty still).

Since it's nearing the end I've made a decision. I'm going with the lumpectomy, if it's small enough. I don't think I'd be comfortable being boobless, and I don't want more surgery for reconstruction. I want it over as quickly as possible, with no more doctors or procedures than I absolutely have to have. The timeline in my head at least, is to be finished with everything by the middle of July. May not happen that quickly, but it's a bit peaceful to think that way.

smrlvr, found out yesterday that Paul McCartney is coming here also. He's NEVER been to Louisville so I know he'll sell out quickly. Hoping to get tickets though.

Jab, my husband has always been the one to need care. Or at least it seemed that way. He's changed so much through this that I'm amazed. He's caring for me, caring for the animals, caring for the house, working in the yard. We are actually getting along better than we ever have. He's learned to be more understanding of any moodiness and grumpiness. Things that probably would have caused a fight before, are just forgotten now.

Northwinds, it's good that you are getting your rads started quickly. Hopefully the interferon won't cause too many issues. Hugs and hope for the best possible outcome.

Lisa, hope your bug passed quickly. Been doing my dishes by hand just to get that little bit of exercise. I'm going to try some laundry today, although Hubby won't be happy if I mess with 'his' washer and dryer.

QuirkyGirl, how's your mom? I hope it wasn't anything too serious.

Pat, it's nice that you have a place to go to get away from everything when you need to.  And dear, if you are feeding them, worrying about them, and getting them fixed, the cats ARE yours. I miss having cats, but someday I want to get down to at most one dog because I'd like to buy an RV and travel when we retire. I think that would be too hard with more than one animal.

Determined to have a better day. I'm even going to try to get out in the yard and do a bit. Probably won't get much done, but even a few minutes of work outside will be cleansing.

jab

Wallymama - Your not being selfish. And with taxotere the second week is the hard part, so you might expect it to get worse. It's hard to deal with it psycologically as every day is different. Just when you think your on top of things, something else crops up, so go easy on yourself. My husband pointed out to me last night, when I was in a similar state, that chemo also effects the emotions  (Chemo-Emo?). I am on day 28 from my last infusion, and I am still feeling the SE's. It is a slow process, but I'm getting better. My stamina is still very low, and I have sore joints, and am tired, but every day is a bit better than the last....but it is very slow... Also, congrats on making a decision on your surgery. When are you book to have it? I found out yesterday, mine is May 1st.

Northwinds - Congrats on your last Taxol!! Your through the chemo tunne!

Quirkygirl - You sound like you are doing so much better. The exhaustion is hard to deal with when you need to do things, and as I too found out testerday, Walmart is a big store! Good thing the carts can hold us up as we walk around it!

Audra - Yes, the Pharm companies are making oodles off us. I use to work for a very large company that had a pharm company as a subsituary. The mark up on drugs is HUGE, but then again research is really pricey with 9 out if 10 drug introductions being unsuccessful. But then again, pharm stock seems to do well so someone is making money off us!  

Pat - It is very admirable that you are taking care of the cats and having them fixed. You are obviously an animal lover. Maybe the cats would like a 'temporary' couch to curl up on?? (the kittens would break my heart) Interesting to hear about your group experience. I didn't go this week because I am not sure what to expect. So far, I am hearing from you ladies, it is at best is OK, but no major winning experiences.

Lisa - Week 2 is the  Nadir stage of Taxotere, which hit me hardest. I had to remind myslef that I was still 'on' chemo, as I wanted to be better so badl, so go easy on yourself. Congrats on the trip to the living room though!!

Amazon - Shall I say congrats on the tattoo's? You have officially moved on to the Rad's train!! In less than 2 months you'll be just in time for summer!!

I hope you all have sweaty head free day!

JAB

lisa137

Northwinds, Congratulations on finishing the taxol! I know you have so much on  your plate right now you can't even consider it all at once; my thoughts and prayers will be with you in the coming  days and weeks.

Wallymama, I've been pretty down lately too, so you were not there by yourself. I have the same problem with being patient. I'm no good at it. Do you feel better now that you've made your decision? I can't say I blame you for choosing the lumpectomy. At this point I'd also be choosing whatever involved the least procedures and doctors if the doctors agreed that it was a good and viable choice. 

Oh I wouldn't even dare try to do my dishes by hand right now. My fingers are ....weird. I drop stuff. Yesterday I put a cup of coffee in the microwave--hubby had made the pot before he went to work and it was warm but not hot. When I went to take it out of the microwave I somehow....well, it was almost as if I threw it at myself. I'm not sure what happened. One second I had it, the next second it was all over the floor and the mug had a broken handle and my dogs were like "wtf?" Luckily I hadn't gotten it VERY hot, and not much of it went on me, but I did have to have a change of clothes and had to clean the kitchen floor. Which was exactly what I felt like doing right then, right? Yeah. 

Anyway,  Wallymama, I've got to say I was glad to see you had posted. You were my first friend here, and I know you feel a little like you're getting left behind because you are doing things backwards, and this thread had quieted down a lot and we dont' see some people at all hardly anymore. I'm still here! And I'll be here for you--either in this thread or thru PMs or whatever---through all that you're going through. I promise! So

Pat, my mom lives out in the middle of nowhere, and over the past few years various cats have "turned up" at her house and of course she's fed them. Now they are moving to another house--my stepdad is in bad shape physically and no longer able to maintain the 5 acres they live on, plus Mom needs help with him--and figuring out what to do about four half-wild cats is a problem. 

Jab, taxotere has been a nightmare for me, really. Round one was easy, round two was so easy I was suspicious they'd forgotten to even infuse me with it. Those two lulled me into a false sense of security or complacency, and then that STRONG round of taxotere all by itself was *so* painful... in a way, it's like this is my first round of taxotere because I am truly walking blindly through it with no idea of what to expect next.

After my "bug" on Monday, I felt better on Tuesday--better than Monday anyway. And you know, other than the getting worn out by a quick tour of my own house, I didn't feel so bad yesterday. Then my husband made spaghetti for dinner last night. With garlic bread. I was really hungry. I probably ate too much of it, but I'm not even sure the spaghetti is the culprit now. Around 10 o'clock I was still feeling a little "full" of my dinner, but not uncomfortable or anything, you know... and I wanted a cup of coffee, so I had one. 

After that it was like everything in my tummy began to grow and grow and grow.  I tried everything in my indigestion and nausea arsenal as the night went on, and was just too uncomfortable to sleep, no matter what I did, and nothing was moving ANYWHERE. There weren't even any sounds coming from my tummy. An occasional burp, but that's about it, and they didn't help.

So I just stayed awake all night long and waited for my husband to get up at 5:30 and get himself showered and dressed and leave. Poor guy, he came in to say "bye" to me and I was just sitting up on the bed with my head on my hand, watching tv, and he asked me if I was okay, and I told him what was going on and that I'd been awake all night. I told him I'd be FINE and he should go ahead to work (he's working an hour and a half from home today---every day for the last two weeks pretty much, and next week probably) and he was so torn between going that far away and just staying with me that he got big old tears in his eyes.  I'm like "no, seriously, I will be okay, I've just been waiting for your bathroom....."  That's the big bathroom that depressed me so much until we put the rugs down in it. So reluctantly he went off to work---he is supposed to have tomorrow off and we've been REALLY looking forward to his three day weekend and if he'd stayed out today he'd have had to work tomorrow, probably, so....  Anyway, off he went to work.

The moment he was gone I headed off to his bathroom with a damp washcloth, a towel, and a bottle of water, got comfortable on one of those rugs we'd bought in front of the porcelain throne, and GOT RID of everything that had been sitting there brewing in my tummy all night. Ironic isn't it, to get THIS FAR with chemo without ever throwing up once, and wind up doing it NOW, on purpose. Haha.

A little while later I called my husband to let him know that I was feeling much better (which I was) and would probably now go to sleep, which I shortly did, so that he could work without worrying about me all day. (He innocently said "Okay, well call me if something comes up," and I had to laugh and said "That IS why I'm calling you...." and got a laugh out of him, so I know he was okay.)

Of course I woke up about 3 or 4 hours later with a pretty impressive case of diarrhea, but hey... at least I slept some.

I dunno what to make of this. Late-blooming chemo side effect? Tummy just unable to handle the coffee and spaghetti when it was already a bit sensitive? My tummy feels quite irritated and while not uncomfortable I am definitely not interested yet in trying to return to my regularly scheduled programming when it come to food. 

Personally I am turning a strongly suspicious eye towards the Levaquin that Dr. Rockstar wanted me to be taking for a few days since we didn't do the Neulasta shot for my last round. The stuff just doesn't agree with me, I think. I took the first one Sunday night around 11 and then was sickly all day Monday into the night. I skipped it on Monday-- just had a feeling I shouldn't take it. Was better on Tuesday. Took it on Tuesday, and went sickly (only worse) again on Wednesday. Seems like a pattern to me. I'm not going to take anymore of it. I told my husband that and he agreed. He said "Well, what will they do if you DO get sick? Give you antibiotics, right?" And i'm like ya know....you're right. Forget the Levaquin. If I get sick (with something more than this stomach thing or if it gets unmanageable) we can see Dr. Rockstar and he can give me something for THAT -- something that's NOT Levaquin. Amoxicillin has been the drug that worked for me thru all of chemo anyway. It even sounds comforting lol.

I've been able to lie still without having to run to the bathroom during the time it's taken me to type this out, so maybe the Immodium is doing its thing. I hope so. Gonna try to go back to sleep and maybe when I wake up I'll feel miraculously better. Hahaha.

Annnnd.....as I was typing that I got a call from Nurse Rockstar, the NP. My BRCA test results were back: Negative. No mutations. Yay! While I had her on the phone I told her my sick tummy story and she said it could indeed be the Levaquin, so to just skip it, and said that my rapid heartbeat after walking to my front door and back was probably a combination of fatigue and low'ish hemoglobin (as I figured) at this point, and to just "take it easy" and "try to be patient" lol.  Actually she said "Be patient. Your future is very bright and before long you really will be feeling a whole lot better, even if that's hard to believe right now." She's been there, with breast cancer herself, so that meant a lot. And of course she said "Stay hydrated" which I think ought to be like a motto that appears all over every cancer center everywhere.

Palameda

Gosh Lisa, here I thought the cancer motto was "take ativan!"

I want to brag about my husband. I drove up here (two+ hours) on Tuesday. I had a zillion things to think of (I needed to do our taxes while up here) and bring. So I unpacked everything and was exhausted. I looked around: I'd forgotten my sewing machine. A big part of my coming up here by myself was so that I could sew undisturbed. I complained to DH Tuesday night, and he offered to meet me halfway. There was no way I had the energy to drive back over the mountain to meet him and back. So last night just as I was tucking myself into bed he showed up with my machine. He drove the 2 hours to get here, then left at 2:30 so he wouldn't get caught in bad traffic to get back to the city and work today. All to bring me my sewing. That was so nice of him. Before I got sick I was always the strong one, like so many of you. He has really stepped up, and I think our relationship hasn't been so good in a very long time.

Quirky, I can't believe you're accomplishing so much! I'm getting stronger bit by bit. Northwinds, good luck with your treatments! All we can do is try our best, throw everything we can at what ails us, and have hope. Wally, glad you've made a decision. Do you have to have radiation no matter what? That's the rub with the lumpectomy, we have to go through rads. Lisa, sorry you've been sick. Can you remember what feeling good was like???

Jab, your blessing of a head-sweat free day didn't work for me...

Palameda

Gosh Lisa, here I thought the cancer motto was "take ativan!"

I want to brag about my husband. I drove up here (two+ hours) on Tuesday. I had a zillion things to think of (I needed to do our taxes while up here) and bring. So I unpacked everything and was exhausted. I looked around: I'd forgotten my sewing machine. A big part of my coming up here by myself was so that I could sew undisturbed. I complained to DH Tuesday night, and he offered to meet me halfway. There was no way I had the energy to drive back over the mountain to meet him and back. So last night just as I was tucking myself into bed he showed up with my machine. He drove the 2 hours to get here, then left at 2:30 so he wouldn't get caught in bad traffic to get back to the city and work today. All to bring me my sewing. That was so nice of him. Before I got sick I was always the strong one, like so many of you. He has really stepped up, and I think our relationship hasn't been so good in a very long time.

Quirky, I can't believe you're accomplishing so much! I'm getting stronger bit by bit. Northwinds, good luck with your treatments! All we can do is try our best, throw everything we can at what ails us, and have hope. Wally, glad you've made a decision. Do you have to have radiation no matter what? That's the rub with the lumpectomy, we have to go through rads. Lisa, sorry you've been sick. Can you remember what feeling good was like???

Jab, your blessing of a head-sweat free day didn't work for me...

QuirkyGirl

Pat, your husband is a gem!

QuirkyGirl

Went to a Queen sing-a-long tonight.  Here I am with a fuzzy head and my Freddie mustache.  So much fun!

ellenkc

Great pic, Quirky!

lisa137

@Pat maybe it should be "Stay hydrated and take Ativan!"  It has a certain ring to it.

Awesome pic, quirky. I'm betting that was a ton of fun.

jab

Hi Ladies,

Great Picture Quirky - If only to have the face hair on the head...

Your husband is definately a keeper, Pat! I too had a soppy head night!

Lisa, I was nauseated in #3 taxotere. It happened late in the second week post infusion, and is still with me a bit. My abdominal area is still full of fluid, so I figure it has to do with that. I undertsand from my BS that the tissue in your body becomes inflamed with fluid incluing your stomach and intestines, which can cause issues with digestion. I still look like I swallowed a pig, but a week ago it looked more like I swallowed a cow....

Well, I don't know what to make of today. I met with my BS to discuss the results from the biopsy and the surgery in May. The biopsy came back negative for cancer, which is a GREAT thing. BUT, minutes after I got home, he called me to say that he and the radiologist were reviewing the different scans and neither felt they had biopsied the 'right' lump, and in fact there were three lumps. Fortunately the radiologist tagged the one he did biopsy so there are two left that they are not sure about. Long story short, I am getting another biopsy (or two) on Monday, by the same radiologist. Ultimately it is a good thing, but it presents more ups and downs and waiting to get test results back. I also get the PET next week to check on the status of the lung nodules. More ups and downs and waiting for scan results. Maybe I will learn patients through this?! I know I am becoming the queen of distraction as my grey matter ponders the 'what ifs'. I gotta say, I feel like the rads train is leaving without me....

Anywho, have a great weekend ladies! It is 10 deg C here (FINALLY, it feels like spring...), and I have a great big cardinal, 10 feet away, singing to me right now. Life is good.

JAB

inks

Jab - sending you good mojo and prayers for your biopsies and PET scan. I hope you come through with flying colors just like the last biopsy.

My baby has had a fever for 2 days and it seems that I caught whatever she had but I have no fever. It's staining to see your child sick. I hope she gets better by Monday when I start my rads since my husband will be gone that week again.

Amazonwarrior

I had my nextdoor neighbour who saw me after some long winter months of hibernation comment on how great my hair was today! (Lol, as I was wearing my wig at the time!) I told him that the hair was artificial due to treatment for bc. The poor guy must have felt bad as he certainly didn't expect that response.

I had a better day today. I was able to go out to get a massage, get some shopping done and do some light gardening work. Before that I was low energy and pretty much dragging myself through the days. I had to remind myself not to expect too much too soon because according to my previous chemo cycles experiences I was usually feeling similar around this time. It's sure frustrating. The weather is nice I want to feel better I want to do something, but I can't. Well, I just have to be patient, but that's so hard for me! 

Jab: I have had this awful indigestion after my last chemo, just like you described it: swollen belly like I have swollowed a large creature perhaps an alien that is twitling and twisting around my belly. This time the abdominal issue is much worse, more than the bone and muscle pain. 

I am glad your biopsy came out negative, but it sure sucks that you have to go back for more. It sounds to me almost like miscommunication between the doctors. 

I had a mammo and untrasound on my left side yeaterday and it came out clear. I had it done because I experienced some on and off pain in the axilla. It may have been from some muscle tenssion related to the picc line on that side. 

I am glad to hear that spring has come to you!

Quirky: Great pic and a nice stash! You look so happy! How's your mom?

Pat: Your hubby sounds like he loves and cares about you. He sure knows that sowing makes you happy. 

Inks: Sorry to hear you and your baby are sick! You take care! When do you start rads?

Pam: Congrads on finishing your chemo! 

Wally: I am happy for you that you made a decision about your surgery. Lumpectomy is a great choice if it's supported by your DR's. I wish I was able to have that instead of mx, however my 3 tumours were sizeable enough for to me to have mx. In my case, it turned out to be the right choice, however difficult, because of my extensive DCIS.

Lisa: Yes, the chemo mantra: stay hydrated, be patient and take your meds.

How is your belly feeling?

wallymama

Feeling a bit better but still don't have much energy. Wonderful hubby got pre-sale tickets to see Paul McCartney in June tonight. He's never been to Louisville before, not even as a Beatle, so I'm really excited about it. Although getting on the pre-sale list probably means he spends way too much on concert tickets. Seeing him and Rod Stewart in the same month will be pretty cool. Almost as cool as seeing Alice Cooper and Pavarotti in the same month once.

Pat, your husband is great!! Yes, rads are on the menu regardless of what kind of surgery I have. I'm just hoping now that it has shrunk enough.

Quirky, that looks like you had a ball. Great pic.

Jab, sorry you have to go through so much more, but don't worry, we'll stop the rads train anytime you want to get on. I don't think that I'll be starting them before mid- June at the earliest either.

Inks, I sure hope that the baby is feeling better. It's always rough when the little ones are sick. I just saw a pic on facebook of my youngest granddaughter in a sling but it's too late to call so I have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happened to her. Sure hope you and the feel better soon.

Amazon, good for you getting some gardening done. I'm going to try tomorrow if I have the energy. And great to hear about the good mammo!!

Lisa, is your stomach all settled? Hope so.

Bec65

Hey everyone~

I hope everyone is ready to start a nice weekend.  I'm on a college visit with DH and DS to a school I hope he doesn't choose! Next weekend we're off to see another school.  It's nice just being with one kid, but I hate leaving the other two at home; it doesn't feel right.

inks, I hope your baby gets better soon.  It's soooooooo hard to see your child not feel well.

Smrlvr, I've been trying to walk everyday, even though I've really been achy and stiff with tight ligaments.  I think it helps, even if only in my mind.

Pat, your husband sounds fabulous!  

Quirky, is your mom okay?  You have the sparkliest eyes, btw!

Northwinds, congrats on being done with taxol!  I'm starting Tamoxifen in about an hour.  I figure I NEVER forget to take my sleep aid, so that's the best time to take it.  I'm bracing for new SEs but hoping they're minimal.  Did you find out how soon you start interferon?

Wallymama, it's okay to feel down, and you don't need to feel guilty for it.  You're almost done with this part, and let yourself feel the peace that comes with the decision you've made for a lumpectomy.  Some days are just yucky, then others are better.

jab, I hear you on the lasting effects.  I'm over two months PFC, and taxol is still the gift that keeps on giving.  My fingers are crossed for you and your test results.  The waiting is excruciating; it just is terrible.  

Lisa, I'm so glad for you your BRCA was negative.  And you're feeling better still?

Amazon, I'm glad your mammo came out clear...that must be a huge relief.

Re rads...my armpit has gone from looking filthy dirty to looking as red as a ripe strawberry.  Also, it's oozing really stinky stuff.  I don't think the rest of my rad fields are going to do this, so I'm wondering why my armpit got it so bad.  I don't think it got zapped more than any other area.  Also, it hurts -- not just on the skin but inside -- and is making me recall how I felt after my BMX.  

Our trip this morning involved going over some low mountains.  After seeing the woman in my group who has lymphedema, I asked DH to help me put on the compression sleeve before we left.  It is so uncomfortable, but I guess that's how it works.  I'm sure it helped squeeze some of the ooze out of my armpit!

QuirkyGirl

Bec - so sorry about your oozy armpit.  I was on a college visit with DD last month. They grow up so fast!

Mom is better and was released yesterday.  The sing-a-long was a welcome break in a stressful week though now I'm really tired and my chemo foot pains are back.  Guess its a recovery process after all.

Pavarotti!!!!  

smrlvr

hi ladies!  I have been so tired this week that I was too tired to post!  My dog got me up early this morning ( he doesn't realize this is the weekend when I can sleep in)  so I am catching up.

Pat, your husband was so sweet to bring you your machine.  What do you sew?  I used to sew.  I made curtains and Halloween costumes for my girls.  Now I do nothing.

Jab, I am so frustrated for you that you have more tests to go through.  That was the worst part for me.  I am hoping for good results for you.

Quirky, glad you had some fun at the sing along and that your mom is on the mend.

Wally, I am so excited for you that you got McCartney tickets.  I tried the resale from the fan club but they were sold out.  If you are an American Express card holder you can do a presale until tomorrow night. I don't have an Amex but DH does.  He just came back from being away last night so today I try again.  I was too tired last night when he got home.  I must have been tired if I was too tired for Paul McCartney.  

Amazon, it looks like spring is finally here this weekend.  It is too early for gardening, but maybe I can wash my car and get the salt off of it from the winter. That always makes me feel better. I had a similar experience with the hair.  I went to a thirty one party two weeks ago and the girl from thirty one ( who is a friend of a friend) commented that she liked my hair cut.  When I told her it was a wig and I had BC she was shocked.

Northwinds, congrats on being finished with taxol.

Inks, I hope your baby gets better soon.  Do you have anyone to watch the kids when you go to,radiation this week?

Bec, I have finished 22/33 radiation treatments.  My skin is the worst right in the middle of my,chest like in between where my breasts were.  I am surprised because the BC was more to the left.  My underarm is so far so good, just red.  I am going to ask RO about that on Monday.  The skin isn't broken, just really red , bubbly and itchy.  It's just a matter or time before it breaks down.  It's good you got the arm sleeve. I have one and only wore it in the plane.  It's good to know it's there.

Lisa, how are you feeling? When do you start rads? 

A friend asked me yesterday, how do I know if I am "cured." How will they follow up?  I had to explain to her that they don't, that they wait until symptoms crop up,and then they act on it.  At least that is what I was told.  My RO will do follow up on my chest and neck area, but no other parts of my body.  I have to admit it is unsettling.  Do any of you have different protocols?  Lisa, what does Dr. Rockstar say?

So I am trying not to focus on that too much, and will try to get my concert tickets.  Paul has never been to albany, New York before so this is a big deal.

QuirkyGirl

After 17 zaps I think radiation fatigue has kicked in with a vengeance.  The mind is willing but the body definitely is not.  

Amazonwarrior

qiurky: I know how you feel. My mind is willing but body....well that's another story. Today is my crash day and I mean CRASH!!! Feeling achy all over, having chills, my head hurts, digestion is all messed up, stomach is swollen and feels like I have a rock in there, eyes are burning, muscles twitching here and there, generally lacking energy and feeling depressed about it. 

Yeah, gotta be patient! For how long?!

I am 19 days PFC, when is it going to get better? 

Yesterday I was feeling fine: going out, shopping, doing some gardening perhaps I overdid it and now I am paying for it big time!