sex after breast cancer

Christinebwriter

I had a lumpectomy and radiation this spring and summer. My scars are fading and I don't really have a problem with them. The trouble is that my husband of almost 25 years won't touch my breasts. He says it's because "all those men" touched them - meaning the oncologists and the surgeon. Does anyone else have this problem? I have tried to gently move his hand there, but he resists me.

mcgis

:-( I'm sorry he feels that way. My husband and I haven't even thought about sex. I hope he comes around in time and remembers they are all professionals who were helping you.

Moderators

Christine, we're so sorry that you're facing this problem when that intimacy with your husband could be such a source of joy and support.

As well as advice you'll hear from other members, the main Breastcancer.org site has an extensive section on Sex and Intimacy that includes good advice for women and their partners (from the main link click the articles down the left side of the page).

Best wishes,

• The Mods

alcb70

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I'm dealing with the same thing, only my husband is "too freaked out" to touch me. He hasn't touched my chest since I was diagnosed last September. It really hurts me to not have that part of me accepted. I'm sure your husband feels like a part of your body that was just for him has been "violated". I'm a nurse, and I can assure you that there isn't a sexual thought in my head when it comes to touching my male patients to bathe or treat them. Medical professionals become so numb to that sort of thing. He should be grateful for those hands...they're the hand that took the cancer from your body and saved your life. I wish I had an answer for you.....all I can offer is my empathy and to let you know that you aren't alone. I've had so many people tell me that I should just talk to him and have open conversation about it, but that's hard too. I feel like if I say something about it, I wouldn't be able to trust any affection as being genuine.....that he was doing it to make me happy but really being disgusted by it. I wish there were support forums for husbands to work through this stuff. I hope he comes around soon.

GrammyR

That sounds like your hubby needs som we counseling. He may loz bdafraid he may hurt you physically by touching.  For me when survery sent me into har  menopause I lost all desire for sex. 

christina0001

Men can be so difficult sometimes. My DH and I have been able to maintain a sex life (albeit less frequent since diagnosis) and he too is often nervous about touching my breasts. He says he is afraid he might hurt me. Going through this can sort of take away the sexual attraction from our breasts - they can become less mentally sexy and more scary, more medical. A good friend of mine who went through a different kind of cancer told me that it took her partner about a year before that aspect of life started getting back to normal.

This is just my opinion but I would not push the issue with him. It will just make him more uncomfortable. All of this is so new and recent for the both of you. I would give your husband a little more time to emotionally get past things. Maybe a few months, and then you might try wearing some new pretty bras or lingerie to attract his attention, and/or touching your breasts yourself when the two of you are being intimate. Maybe that will help motivate him to give the girls some love!

Best of luck to you.

Lily55

what is sex? Seriously not had any since surgery 18 months ago, sorry but your husband sounds a bit immature to me, there must be something more to this......have you talked about it together!