Seriously What is Wrong With People ???

Fiaranch1

Ok First my apologies for the length of this rant ..................... However this is a great site and I know others can relate . So ............................

Once upon a time 24 years ago I got cancer in the left one. lumpectomy and some radiation. Back then the diagnosis and treatment was not nearly as good as it is now. Was married at the time to an *ss and just told myself I needed to live long enough to raise my son . Left the *ass , survived in corporate America, raised a great son, retired early 10 months ago to get rid of the stress and enjoy life. In between then and now regular mammograms numerous biopsy's (all fine or so they said ) ............

Last month decided to try a new breast center with the 3D mammogram technology. Stage 1 ductal invasive on side and multiple calcifications on both sides which had never been preciously reported.............. . Thankfully I have full confidence in the radiologist, surgeon and OC at the new facility. Tuesday 10/22 I will have a BMX with as many lymph nodes removed on both side as need be (at least one on each side is certain) . My decision is absolutely no reconstruction I have dealt with this *hit over half of my life and I do not feel comfortable replacing anything that may cause more problems. At my age (55) and given my fabulous DH we both believe that brains are far more important than boobs!

Several friends stating oh how will your look at yourself, you won't look right in your clothes, blah,blah,blah. To which I responded everyone has a choice and this is mine. Consider our friendship over if you cannot accept my choice. Cancer makes you appreciate all the thing you need to rid your life of............... Simplify is my new mantra !!!!

Does anyone have to contact of the great woman who makes the foobs ? I had her website and can no longer find it ? Also any advice on bras (on the rare occasion I may actually choose to use foobs) ? or any advice on dealing with these ignorant women that judge the quality of life by their cup size ?

nagem

I think the woman you mean is Mary, and her website is: mastectomysolutions.com

If you're using microbead boobs, you might find ordinary camisoles that have modest inserts usable for the foobs. You have to look for them, but there are many out there, including the yoga tops at Lululemon.

wrenn

im going flat. Dont care for foobs or boobs. No one seems to notice.

sandcastle

To ... be honest with you....my recon failed...so I did NOT try it again....I go Breast Free and I am OK with that......no problem ...Liz

wiggy2012

OK, I'm with you on the rant but what are foobs?? I need to know, I'd hate to think I'm missing out on something!!

Fiaranch1

Foobs = FAke Boobs :-)

Thank you all for your responses they are helpful !!!

flannelette

I have one, made I think by that same woman who makes them for free. They are knitted "boobs" that are stuffed with quilt stuffing. You can choose any colour or yarn (mine is soft black acrylic). You just stuff it into a regular old bra. I use mine a lot. I have an allover stretch elastic bra & since I'm a uniboober i just stuff the foob (false boob) into my flat side. Not as heavy or complicated as a MX bra with prosthesis. Before the foob I just used a rolled up sock. She insisted on knitting it AND mailing it to me, from the US (upsate New York I think) for free. It seems to me it is something she has chosen as an ongoing act of random kindness - well, not exactly random.....what she does to give back to the world. Or, if you knit, you can probably easioy find the pattern online. I'm pretty sure I still have her card - and I found her here on one of the threads - it will come to me....

sandcastle

Are you talking about Knitted Knockers?? I am so very offended by the name.......I belong to a knitting group and the pattern came about in the last two week....they made so much fun of it....and were not sensitive....this one has no weight in it and to me useless.....Liz

Fiaranch1

Nagem,

Thanks so much that's exactly the web site I was looking for . I started wearing the genie bras a while back as they are reasonable and comfortable . Looks like the forms she makes will work well at least initially. I will go get fitted properly for a mastectomy bra and form when I have healed, but all I read about here is how heavy those for forms are .

This is one time I am glad I have smaller breasts , less to remove for surgery . Trying to think positive for what's ahead :-(

Nel138281

I am a uniboober. Often do not wear a bra, some times I do and most often I do not. Lopsidded and out I go. The hell with anyone who looks or stares. I do have one friend who always says "I can tell with what you are wearing today" My response "your point is?"

Any one who defines themselves or anyone else by cup size, the hell with them as well!

Be well

Nel

sandcastle

I...Do not wear a bra because my surgeon said NOT to....it will make the Lymphedema worst....at this point you cannot even tell I have it.......and like you I do not care....I am a Double D....Liz

nagem

FiaRanch1: Genie also makes a camisole with pockets, which is pretty comfortable. I find that with Genie products, though, I need to go up a size or two since I don't like wearing undergarments too tight. Indeed, I stopped wearing mastectomy bras because they seemed overconstructed for my sensitive chest. Good luck to you! Nagem

georgie1112

I think when someone is uncomfortable with our choice, it is about them. Their fears about breast cancer, their identification with their breasts. So many women are really really afraid. If it was a good friend, I would tell them how I felt about the lack of support. The decision to have a mastectomy is hard enough to make without getting grief for it.

But reconstruction is sort of expected and though no one has said anything critical, I can see they are puzzled. Sorry, so saline sloshing in my chest, no leaking silicone and no worries about necrosis and encapsulation sound wonderful to me. Now all I need to do is check myself when I bend over to make sure nothing shows. One step at a time. I still have drains in... but am looking to have the surgery completely behind me!

Georgie

coraleliz

fiaranch-Good luck with you upcoming surgery. With some people I get very blunt. I tell them things like "there is no way I'm going to implant foreign objects into my chest or carve up other parts of my body, just for a couple of headlights". Since I was diagnosed at 52, my breasts really hadn't started to droop yet, but it was just around the corner, so I saved myself from having droopy breasts. I do have a friend who claims to "love" her breasts & says she would never be able to go flat. I guess I just never was crazy about my breasts. They hurt all the time, got in the way & mammograms were torture.

As for DHs thoughts on reconstruction, he said I'd be trading 1 set of problems for another after going to my breast surgeon appt with me.

But all that was 2 1/2 yrs ago. I have friends(non-BC) that I can joke with about not having breasts. After all, none of them are without imperfections.

Ariom

I am a Uniboober too!

I had a friend who had the same Dx a couple of years before me. She had immediate recon. She asked me what kind of recon I was having and when I told her I wasn't interested in recon, she said "How can you bare to look at yourself?" I was gobsmacked!

I am about 10 months out from surgery now, and have absolutely no problem with the way I look, in fact I am quite proud of my scar. I look at them all, as the road maps of my life, along with my caesarean, ectopic pregnancy and the others.

I have a collection of foobs, boobs and prosthesis, one that attaches to my chest, many different bras and camisoles, shape wear tanks, and sports bras. There isn't much that I can't wear now. I even go half flat when I feel like it, usually with a firm tank to keep the "D" cup under control!

Mary from Mastectomysolutions made my first micro bead foobs for me, I am still using them regularly. She's wonderful! and also gave me the fantastic tip of using a salad spinner after hand washing expensive mastectomy bras.

I have mentioned this here before, my Mother had BC. She was Dx in '94 just 4 months after my Father passed away. She had a Radical Mx with full Axillary Clearance and no recon. She was such a beautiful sophisticated lady, who paved the way for me all these years later, with her dignity and wicked sense of humor about being a Uni! No one knew, unless she chose to share.

I have absolutely no issue with anyone who chooses to reconstruct, it just isn't for me.

I should also mention that I have a husband who has encouraged and supported me in every decision, from the very first call back, through to my decision to have a Mx and not to reconstruct. He has been a rock for me.

I wish all of you, the very best, as you find what is comfortable and right for you.

pajim

I too am a uniboober, D cup. Have been for five years now. I have a breast form, and wear it except for exercise classes. That includes yoga class.

No one notices. People don't tend to look at chests. At least not when they exercise.

I've gotten used to how I look in the mirror. It's just the way I am. DH commented initially that I look lopsided, but it doesn't bother him either (of course hes the one who was dying to shave my head himself when I had chemo).

sandcastle

When, I went for my Mamo the radiologist told me that a lady came in with a Tattoo on her scar........Liz

Ariom

Sandcastle, there are some fantastic pictures of Mx tattoos on the internet.

I had planned to do a tattoo on my chest after surgery, but have had conflicting info on how long you have to leave it before it can be done. I am also nervous about LE, so have backed off the idea for now.

sandcastle

Ariom.......When I was 38 I, did get a Tattoo on my breast.....and when I had my mx it was up far enough that he could leave it......BUT....my BC told me NO more Tattoos and I do have LE but you cannot notice it... in any event I am going to stay away from a tattoo.....Liz

Anonymous

I'm concave, not concave enough to hold raisins when I'm on my back reading in bed, but MUCH better than those awful silicone implants.....maybe we should have a Cute & Concave Club?

Ariom

Liz, so glad to hear you could save your Tattoo! Sorry to hear you have LE. My Mother had it, but thankfully I seem to be avoiding it so far. I only lost one node, so hopefully I won't get it from that, but one never knows.

Sunflowers, just thinking of raisins in a concave chest! Mine isn't that concave either.

When I think of my friend who had the implant and was so disparaging of my decision to not reconstruct, I can see one droopy and one very perky, in the not too distant future, not a look she'd be after! LOL

River_Rat

Sunny, you crack me up! I would like to be a member of your Cute & Concave Club.

I have a friend who had a uni and went four years before having reconstruction. She had a hard time when I told her that I wasn't going to reconstruct - told me how depressed she was until she got reconstruction and how whole she feels now. I pretty much had to tell her to back off that I was fine. I never told her that I was more creeped out by the fact that she reconstructed but didn't get the nipple done than I was about being flat. (No offense meant to anybody that had reconstruction but didn't get the nipple done, it just wasn't something I could picture for myself.)

crystalphm

I vote for the Cute & Concave group :-) I mostly go flat, because honestly, people don't really notice. Everyone knows I had a mastectomy, and it seems to be a non-issue, other than shopping for clothing, I pick patterns now, and I was always a solid color gal.

I have 3 friends who got recon, all three failed terribly, the one wants breasts, her implants went flat like a stack of two pancakes, so she wears foobs on top of recon...how uncomfortable, she always looks sad.

I am not like some women who feel fantastic flat, I wish I were not...I wish I never had breast cancer, but I am making it comfortable and pain free for myself. no recon, only dressed up do I do foobs.

sandcastle

Believer ME!! The day I had to have emergency surgery to remove my implant....when I woke up I felt so much better and comfortable....I knew I would NEVER attempt that again......and I also use patterns....use to be a solid girl.....for some reason, I just got over it pretty quick.....and go breast free....Liz

jhawk78

I recently (Sept 12,2013) underwent BMX with no reconstruction. I have no desire for future surgeries. Am doing fine with my looks and adapting to the way my clothing fits. Have found a cami from Jockey that works well or a sports bra. Have told the ones that wonder why not that I can always draw a cleavage on my chest if I ever find the need. A real personal decision - however another happy flat chester.

Fiaranch1

All

Just had my DMX w 2 lymph nodes removed Tuesday and home yesterday . Pain was a lot less than I expected , Now I just have these 2 BFF drains which are a pain the A** . My DH and DS have been wonderful throughout . I could not imagine have to go through 5 or 8 more surgeries for reconstruction especially with a possibility that they would fail . So now waiting on the final test results and what the OC says regarding hormone blockers and chemo or no chemo.

I know we are never cured and will have constant follow up but I feel a lot of relief just having them both gone !! Thanks to all that responded to my original post . This is a great site and you all have been very helpful !!

flat13good

They tell you they can fix you with reconstruction but they really can't.  I had both breast removed May 2012 and did all the reconstruction with expanders and then had the implats done in April 2013. One month later the radiated side opened back up and had to be done over.  I hate the way they feel and they are driving me crazy I want to take them off and I can't. Yesterday it was my birthday 55 years young and I went to the doctor and told him I want it all removed and that flat was beautiful and the way I need to be. Nov.12 I'm scheduled for removal and I'm so excited. I want to move on and live my life comfortable in my skin.  If needed I have fake boobs so I can take them off when I want to and that is all I need.

Anonymous

Flaranch1 - good luck. It is SO much better once the drains are out, really, you will be doing a Happy Dance the day they're removed. Can't remember what the draining amt has to be b4 they're removed, but in the meantime, a friend gave me a great tip - take an old pair of Panty hose, knot one leg on each drain, sling "bottom" around the back of your next to take the weight, and shower, tub, as you want...somehow just the warm water made it all feel better.

Hope if you're node negative, Estrogen positive (+) you will be getting the Oncotype DX test, valuable information. Genomics, on google, of course. :-)

Fiaranch1

Sunflowers MA: Estrogen and Progesterone positive and awaiting the Oncotype test results and the final results of the 2 lymph node removals (1 on each side ) . Thank you so much for the panty hose advice . I cant wait to take a shower . Surgeon said I could as long as I wrapped my chest in cling wrap to avoid getting wet. So I plan to shower tomorrow and will definitely use the panty hose trick !!

flat13good : I am glad you will be getting them removed. Honestly reading all of the re construction stuff scared me more than the cancer itself ,plus the failure rate and countless surgeries. This is my second time around (lumpectomy many years ago). I know yesterday's surgery does not make me cancer free but I feel a lot better knowing if the cancer does come back ,at least it wont be breast cancer again . I will fight with everything I have to get healthy and stay that way. My life is much more important than breasts !!

Anonymous

Sounds like you're in good hands, as docs have already arranged Oncotype test. Hope you get really low numbers.

happy shower.

Fiaranch1

Thanks SunflowersMA,

Surgeon just called with the results of my pathology results (oncotype tests still to come) . They removed 1 lymph node of the non cancerous breast as is was enlarged. Initial pre biopsy was negative. Now the final results indicate "low grade lymphoma" . Now the waiting game for the Mo , what tests what treatments, what rates of success etc. I am trying to wait for facts but I am far fro patient . Why do we always get results on a Friday and then have to wait for a log weekend . I am prepared to fight .................and fight hard............just need a plan . Not the results I was hoping for but on a positive note I am amazed at how much pain I don't have from the BMX.