So Freaked out

loriruss

So - I have been dealing with the word "Cancer" for about a month now. My options are a partial mastectomy with the dr thinking I could possibly need more taken due to some precancerous cells and a full mastectomy. I've pretty much decided on a full but now I'm freaking out about whether I should have reconstructive surgery or just go with the flow and be who I will be after this procedure. This has been the hardest thing I have had to decide and I can fluctuate wildely with my feelings depending on what time of the day it is :-). I just don't want to be defined by the word "cancer". I don't want cancer to take away my joy. I am a child of the King (Jesus) and my joy comes from Him. sorry for the rambling - I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Sure could use some support from those of you who opted out of reconstruction and why?

Wren44

I opted out of reconstruction because of my age (71) and not wanting any additional surgery. I wear a prosthesis (foob) when I go out. If both were gone I would go flat. I think you should consult with a plastic surgeon. There are numerous ways to reconstruct and it can be done later, so the decision doesn't need to be made right now. There are women who have waited 2 years to reconstruct. So for now, do what's best for your health and discuss your options with a plastic surgeon. Hugs. You're in the most difficult part of this journey.

pupmom

It never entered my mind not to have reconstruction. When I thought I might have a mastectomy the only question was which kind. I ended up getting a lumpectomy, and later had reconstruction. It is a personal decision and I certainly respect people who go flat. Sure is easier in terms of recovery. But I am vain and did not want to look at a deformed body in the mirror every day for the rest of my life. My DH did not care. In fact, he somewhat favored no reconstruction because it meant less surgery. But we are happy with the results of my reconstruction. Well, I'm not 100% happy, but it's good enough. Best wishes! My faith has sustained me through all this also. (((HUGS)))

JaneB1

I struggled with the decision as well. Dh was not in favor of reconstruction as he didn't want to see me going through more surgery. My best friend said she could not imagine not doing reconstruction. I was somewhere in the middle. I didn't want additional surgery but also felt too young to be flat and relying on prostheses. Ultimately, I decided that reconstruction would help me to recover emotionally and psychologically. I did not want the complicated surgeries and recoveries associated with using my own tissue, so I opted for implants.

I am now a year out from my exchange surgery and can say I am glad I did the reconstruction. The process was more painful than the mastectomy. For me, the tissue expansion process was difficult and painful. I also had limited movement after the exchange and saw a physical therapist for a while.

But, I now feel more like it's really over and I can move on. I am very happy with how I look in various necklines and in swimsuits. So, reconstruction was definitely the right choice for me.

jarris77

I had a BMX with no reconstruction. I was diagnosed with IDC, stage 1, 1.7 cm, 0/3 lymph nodes, triple negative. I am 56 years old and I had the choice of either lumpectomy or mastectomy. My mother and sister had both already been diagnosed with breast cancer, so I wasn't too surprised when I was diagnosed. I also had the genetic testing (BRCA 1 & 2) and it came back negative. I was told that it doesn't mean that my cancer wasn't genetic, it just may be one that hasn't been identified yet. I had the fear (whether it is true or not) that if the cancer came back, it would be harder to find with implants. It is a hard decision for most people, but for me, it was very easy and I haven't regretted it. At home, I just go flat. When I go to work or out shopping, I wear my prosthesis.

My sister also had a BMX but decided to have reconstruction a couple years later.

Everyone is different. I hope you come to a decision that you are happy with.

GeorgiaRai

At the time of my diagnosis, I expected to have surgery within a month, so I really felt pressured to make a decision quickly. It was so clear that people assumed I'd want to reconstruct, and I assumed so, too, until meeting with the plastic surgeon and researching more online. I decided recon wasn't for me, and then had to convince both of my surgeons that I knew what I was doing and was sure this was the right decision.

It turned out that I had a lot more time to think about it because I needed neo-adjuvant chemo to reduce my tumor before surgery. Over the next 6 months, every article, conversation and soul-searching session just gave me more peace and confidence that I didn't want reconstruction. It was still a job to convince my surgeons but I stood firm and haven't regretted it once.

All that to say...follow your heart. You'll know what decision feels right for you, and you don't ever have to explain or justify it. Good luck to you, loriruss. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

crystalphm

This is something you really have to make up your own mind about. I did not have a choice, I had to lose my breasts but I did decide on no reconstruction. I did not want the pain and stress of more surgeries, and I needed to have cancer done. I also have 3 friends with recon, and all three look quite far from natural...and they have no money (copays) to get it fixed. I was 56 at the time.

There really are so many things to consider, age, how you feel about it, is family supportive, kind of cancer, suggestions from doctor and so forth.

I know I have the personality to be ok with rocking the flat look, and I usually do go flat, but I also know women who will never be seen without foobs, just like there are people who would never be seen without teeth. It is all very personal.

And often my thought is at the end of a long day women who reconstructed get tired of the pain and wish they were flat, and flat women wonder if recon might have been right for them. No easy answers.

caaclark

I was diagnosed at age 40 and had a single mast. I chose not to reconstruct and have never regretted that decision but it is definitely a personal one. I did go to a plastic surgeon to check out all my options and meeting with him gave me the confirmation that I was looking for. That was 7 years ago and I don't think I will ever reconstruct. I wear a prosthetic on the mastectomy side and no one can tell.

caaclark

I was diagnosed at age 40 and had a single mast. I chose not to reconstruct and have never regretted that decision but it is definitely a personal one. I did go to a plastic surgeon to check out all my options and meeting with him gave me the confirmation that I was looking for. That was 7 years ago and I don't think I will ever reconstruct. I wear a prosthetic on the mastectomy side and no one can tell.

caaclark

Also, check out breastfree.org for my story and others who have chosen no recon.

Rdrunner

I was 44 when dx. Had left mastectomy last year choose not to recontruct, had a preventative right mx three weeks ago. Will not be reconstructing. For me it was an easy decision, did some research and decided it wasnt for me for many reasons. If you are not ready now to make decision dont, you can do it later too it doesnt have to be now although depending on what kind of reconstruction you can have the surgeon will need to know as extra skin may need to be left etc. I do have foobs and it really depends on what i want to wear or where im going or what im doing weather i wear them or not but now that im totally flat I think i will go flat more often than not. Take your time with the decision and dont let anyone pressure you.. do what YOU want and are comfortable . Good luck

lisa137

I'm scheduled for BMX next Monday and I'm opting out of reconstruction, for the foreseeable future, at least. My husband agrees with this decision--we both see reconstruction as a lot of unnecessary surgery and pain and downtime for something that's not much of a priority for us. We've been assured that we can change our minds later on down the road if it turns out that I actually miss wearing uncomfortable bras and having my boobs get in the way if I want to play the guitar or take a nap on my stomach....lol. As the OP put it, I'm going to just go with being who I am after surgery and see how that works out. If it doesn't work out great, then perhaps we'll revisit reconstruction. I don't see it happening though. I'm *extremely* comfortable with this decision.

loriruss

Thanks much - i just had mine done last Friday 11th and although it has been a lot harder - emotionally than I thought I am working my way thru it. Physically I haven't had much of an issue - but that maybe the pain killers :-) I am praying for you as you probably just had yours yesterday. Remember that "this too shall pass". Take one day at a time and praise God for a supportive husband - I know that I do.