Can you help me be positive? (Please!!?)

SophiaMarie

I start tomorrow with my sim and first treatment. I'm not afraid of the treatment, but the cumulative effect. My lumpectomy left me more disfigured (smaller and indented scar and deep dent over tumor site) than we were expecting. Since she got good (very large) clean margins and no node involvement, all I can think of is that I will be driving myself over an hour one way for something that will shrink and disfigure my poor breast even more. I'm really struggling to hang on to the positive aspects of this. If you know of any articles or have any words of wisdom to share I would greatly appreciate it!!

Moderators

Oh, we all know what you are going through. You are not alone! We are thinking of you , and are sure that others may be offer words of wisdom. Just know we are all thinking of you!
((((HUGS)))))

ali68

Hi Hun, I had a lumpectomy and I have a scar around my nipple which has sunk in. I also have a scar under my armpit from full node removal.

The only thing I can really say about having rads is it makes you very tired. I had no problem with peeling and if anything the breast looks better than my normal one now. I think you will sail through it as no nodes need rads. I had more problems with my armpit than the breast.

Annette47

I think you will be fine as well, and if after the dust all settles you are uncomfortable with your appearance, it is often possible to get reconstruction done after a lumpectomy.

I finished rads 6 months ago, and while I had some fatigue and swelling, I had absolutely no skin problems whatsoever.    I saw my RO yesterday and he said I have healed "remarkably well".   I can still tell that breast is a little swollen, but not much - it certainly hasn't shrunken, although it does feel a bit firmer than it used to.   Again, things I can tell but that aren't readily apparent to the casual observer.

ruthbru

My rad's boob actually looked bigger and fuller too. I put on the lotion they recommended religiously & didn't have any problems other than getting red (like a sunburn from the inside out) right at the end. Give your shape some time. It can take a year for the fat to move around and fill in a gaps. At first, I too was really lopsided, but by the end of a year I could wear the old swimsuit that I thought I would have to get rid of.  

SophiaMarie

I just was talking about swimsuits with my husband - wondering how I would ever wear one again. I have a prescription to get a couple of breast forms to help fill things out - but honestly, that's depressing to me! I just want my breast back like it was. I know. It can't happen. I guess I'm still mourning for it... I really wasn't prepared for this. I had just bought some wonderful soft Bali bras before surgery - and now the good side is larger and sagging, and the bad side is smaller and perkier - ad aimed off the other way, which actually isnt always noticeable since the nipple hardly works anymore - it's now flat except for the ridge along the edge where there's still scar tissue.



So tell me, how do you ever feel "sexy" after this?! My husband has been very good a out it and doesn't seem to mind, but I feel so "damaged".

TarheelMichelle

SophiaMarie, you said something very important. "I guess I'm still mourning for it."

You ARE grieving the loss of your breast tissue. That's part of the healing process.

I was pissed off after my lumpectomy because I had just had breast implants a few years earlier. I was insecure about my breasts, and paid a lot of money to have shapely boobs and then had to lose part of one. Not fair! I didn't wear a breast form the first couple years after surgery. I simply stopped wearing tight-fitting tops. When a bra-shop lady recommended I try on a breast form, I said no, but she finally persuaded me. Tears filled my eyes when I looked at myself in the mirror with a T-shirt on. I was symmetrical again. I was so excited! Those bras with the pockets aren't the sexiest things, but I was no longer lopsided in clothes, which made me feel much more normal. That led me to investigating revision surgery. I'm going to have fat grafting soon to replace the tissue removed during my lumpectomy.
Like you, the main difference is that one side is smaller. It made a difference in clothes but honestly, with my husband, being intimate, it was OK. If the size or shape irregularities interfere with your enjoyment, keep a sexy bra on. That way you aren't being reminded of it. I feel damn sexy, not ALL of the time, but that's how it was even before my surgery. You have to not focus on your flaws in bed, like a belly pooch or unshaven legs, because your husband isn't! Buy the loveliest undies you can afford (like Agent Provocateur) and wear them every day. I slip my prosthesis into those sexy bras, even if there isn't a pocket. Depending on the style of the bra I can usually make it work. So half the time I wear lumpectomy bras, half the time I wear my sexy bras with the breast form slipped inside. I buy swimsuits with removable bra pads, and slip my much-bigger "filler" into one. That doesn't work for skinny bikini tops. Sometimes I wear a tank top over my bikini top (not an unflattering, ginormous T-shirt). Even in a skimpy bikini, my girls look OK, because the scar is toward my underarm. Remember you have plenty of other body parts that your husband enjoys and appreciates, that have not been surgically altered by cancer.


My radiation was a highlight of my treatment. I missed it when it was over. When my breast cancer returned, it was nowhere in the radiated breast side, even the lung or bones. I believe radiation protected that side of me.

This is all so new to you. You've just been diagnosed and had surgery. That's a lot to interfere with your feelings of desirability. But it gets better, I promise. You DESERVE satisfying intimacy with your husband. Don't let cancer steal that joy from you! I went to a nude beach for the first time a week after my radiation was over. Not something I plan to do again, but it was my way of saying, I win today, cancer, haha!

SophiaMarie

Oh Ronda, thank you so much for your support... I see what you're dealing with now... How horrifying to go from a stage 1 to mets - major (((((hugs)))))) for you. I hate this **** disease!!!