3 1/2 years post cancer

caroleb66

I need to vent. I feel weird saying that chemo was a breeze compared to what I am now go through everyday.  I was diagnosed in March 2010. Diagnosed with stage 2 in left breast After 8 rounds of chemo ,I opted for a double mastestomy. That would be the best option for my peace of mind. I am Canadian, was married and divorced from an American. I have no family in this country. I was dating someone when I was diagnosed and after my first chemo treatment. We broke up. He could not handle it. It wasn't that big of a deal. I had bigger things to worry about and a 11 year old at home. I would leave work to go to chemo and be back the next day.My oncologist though I was a rock star. In August of 2010 I had my Double mastectomy and that was pure torture. My firsr reconstruction job did not go so well. I developed uniboob. After a friend recommended another surgeon, I had my second recontruction. I am still having issues but the biggest ones have been the longterm side effects. I am on Arimex. The body aches from it feel like flue but excercising works. I even ran a 5k in last May. But my ankles keep getting weeker and I can no longer wear high heels. I have very high arches so my balance is totally off now.I have kept my hair really short as it helps deal with hot flashes. I do not feel feminine anymore. I don't want to date. I don't even feel like going out anymore and I used to be the life of the party. I am already on an antidepressant for the hot flashes. I think I have OCD. I cut my own hair and can spend hours trimming it. I have no self control and cancer has ruinedmy life.I am 47. My daughter is 14 and I keep thinking how in a few years when she leaves for college I will be all alone. I don't want to take any more medications.I cannot concentrate and can barely keep my place clean. I feel so lost. Does anyone feel the same way?

Nettie1964

I just hope I make it three and a half years with no recurrence. I'm 49

Racy

Welcome Carole. May I suggest psychological counselling? I think it could really help you to talk with a professional.



Give it a try but keep posting here too for support.



Best wishes to you.

caroleb66

Thank you, I am thinking I may go that route too if things do not get better soon.

bluepearl

Have you tried switching to Tamoxifen? I have little trouble with it and I am on citalopram (lowest dose) which keeps any hot flashes away...otherwise I don't notice too much about anything else. I used to walk 5K a day too and got stress fracture and achilles heel tendonitis but that was BEFORE taking tamoxifen. Good shoes make a difference. You are in the throes of depression and I don't know how long you have been on your anti-depressant but it might not be working for you..try another....and it usually takes 3 to 4 weeks to kick in. I think your reconstruction experiences didn't help either. Pain is pain. I keep opting out of it because I am afraid of the pain resurecting itself. The body needs to heal and not go through so many assaults. Your oncologist was right. You are indeed a brave woman but even brave women need a soft place to fall now and again and I don't think you have that. Can you perhaps join a group of ladies who have had breast cancer? Very few of us walk away all sunshine and roses, and nothing beats a hug and a bawl in a pair of arms that KNOW! Sending you cyber hugs (I am in Canada) and let us know how you are doing....ok?....it IS a hard journey, but the other side awaits too. It can be even better!!! (PS) I have a husband who just dropped me off at the hospital for surgery, twice....and didn't come with me when I had surgery in Vancouver....so sometimes you can feel lonely even when you are married!)XOXOXOXOX