Husband and wife have cancer at same time

shoppygirl

Thank you so much !!

Flo1

Just spotted this and thought I'd reply even though it's now 2016! My husband was diagnosed with locally advanced prostate cancer in November 2015 and I was diagnosed with very early stage breast cancer a couple of months later, in January this year. It was a terrible shock, especially as our daughter had just started university and we were trying to adjust to her absence while also looking forward to many plans which are now on hold. Having got clear margins on our surgery we are now hoping we are clear of cancer, while my husband is dealing with the after effects of prostate surgery. We were already close but this has probably brought us closer together as we have been our own cancer support group! I have found family and friends enquire much more often about my husband than about me. He received loads of cards for his operation while I received only one, from somebody who has had breast cancer. This may be partly because his cancer was more advanced and the surgery more serious but I also sense they don't realise how much even minor beast surgery (I am a cup size smaller on one side) is to me and are embarrassed to talk about my breasts - or think I will be. I have been attending my husband's prostate cancer support group which I have found very informative with talks from surgeons, anaesthetists and nutritionists. This has helped me to support him, which I've tried to do as much as I can. The breast cancer support group available to me doesn't allow men and is much more to do with social activities. I'm not so keen on that so I haven't been. Anyway, just thought I'd share a few of my experiences as one half of a cancer-surviving couple and I wish you all the best X

shoppygirl

Flo1

So sorry you had to go through that. cancet is such a difficult thing to go through but even more so when it is both spouses at the same time. I still feel shocked by what my husband and I went through.

Good luck to you and your husband.

Chenning

Hi there,

I just did a search on this topic and I know it's old post. I'm 2.5 years survivor since diagnosed with stage 2b breast cancer and we just found out my husband has stage 3 colon cancer. We're both so shocked and in disbelief!!

So, I wanted to check with you and see how you and your husband doing? How did you tell your children? We're are so sad they are going to have to go through it again!

Why do you think that you both got cancer? Did the docs think genetics, environmental toxins? I just keep thinking it has to be something we're exposed too!!

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope this post finds you both well, I need some inspiration!!

Regards,

Chris

shoppygirl

Hi Chenning

I am so sorry to hear of your husbands recent diagnosis. It is always a shock when someone is diagnosed with cancer but particularly when it is both you and your spouse.

I was diagnosed with stage 1b breast cancer in January 2013 and two months later in March 2013, my husband was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. He was sick for many months before his diagnosis but unfortunately he also had diverticulitis and it was masking the colon cancer. It was not found until he finally had a colonoscopy. When they did the colon resection they took out his liver and found an 8 mm spot on it which put him at stage four. Initially they were going to remove part of the lobe of his liver that had the spot on it but after checking on it after a couple of rounds of chemo it could not be detected on a scan. He went through 12 rounds of chemotherapy and since then has had about ten CT scans and all of them have been clear. He had one in February of this year and that one was also clear. He also receives blood tests every three months to check his CEA levels and those have always been normal. His oncologist has told us that if he can go one more year with clean scans then he will be considered cancer free. He is a very unique case as normally after chemo is done the cancer that has metastasized will continue to spread but in his case it did not. The other thing that is unique about his case is that he only had two lymph nodes involved. We were told that normally when the cancer has metastasized like his, it has many more lymph nodes involved. The oncologist feels it was just a single cell that managed to sneak through and attach to his liver. Between scooping some of the tumour out to biopsy and with it only being 8 mm and then having chemo , they feel that this may be one of those unique cases in which the spread of the cancer was stopped by doing that only and not having to have part of his liver removed.

It was very difficult to tell the kids about my diagnosis but then two months later to have to tell them that their dad also had cancer was even harder. . Going through chemo at the same time was also very hard because we had no family near us and it was really important for us to make sure that the kids knew they could still be well taken care of even though we weren't feeling great.

We were just very positive with the kids and told them the truth, but we also told them that we were going to do everything we could to make sure we were able to beat this and be there for them. At the time the kids were only 10 and 14 and now they are 14 and 18. One of the things that was very important for us to do was to be very honest with them and let them know test results and different things that were going on with the cancer. Of course this was all done in a very age-appropriate way but there was no lying or being sneaky about things.

I had a friend who had breast cancer and she decided to not take any treatments for it and ended up passing away. One of the most unfortunate thing she did was to never be honest with her kids about the fact that she had cancer and when she passed away the kids were terribly shocked.

My older son handled things much better as he is very black-and-white but my younger son was much more affected emotionally by us going through this. He would ask me questions about where he would go and live if his dad and I both passed away and continued to ask me questions like this for a couple years after we finished treatment. I would just answer him honestly. I would tell him that we had made arrangements for that but that his dad and I were doing everything we could to make sure that that never happened. I just kept reassuring him.

If you would like, you can send me a private message and I would be happy to send you my email and we can communicate and I can answer any questions that you may have about this or just be there for support.

I wish the very best to you and your husband and even though this is a very difficult thing for you to go through I hope that you will have some reassurance in my story and knowthat you can get through it.

shoppygirl

Also, I wanted to add that in regards to the question about why we bothgot diagnosed with cancer , we have it in our family. I have four women in my family who had breast cancer and my husband has five and his family that had colon cancer.

Chenning

Hi there,

Thank you again for responding and all the great info. I did send you a pm with some questions, when you have a chance.

Thanks,

Chris Henning

mustlovepoodles

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2015. After i completed chemo and had a BMX my DH was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer in May 2016. He had to have his prostate removed, which has cause all kinds of havoc, but at least it appears that the cancer was all contained within the prostate capsule. We're a matched set.

shoppygirl

chenning , I sent you a message.

Mustlovepoodles , what a terrible thing to go through but I am happy for you that you husband is doing well.

shoppygirl

I have not posted in a while about this but I wanted to give an update. Today my husband received the results of his five-year CT scan. It was once again clear and he has now gone five years clear since being diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. The doctors now feel that they can officially say he is cancer free!! When he was first diagnosed and they found that it had spread to an 8mm spot on his liver, he was only given a 20% chance of surviving five years. It is truly a miracle that he Is one of the few lucky ones that can survive this. The one thing that I have learned through all of this is that doctors may give you statistics but they are only numbers. Everyone is an individual with a different cancer story and journey!! Hugs to all!

Pessa

Thank you for this update and the positive message. So glad a to hear that a your husband is doing so well. This is an inspiring essage for others as well

shoppygirl

Thank you Pessa!!