Joining the BC Club...

margie79

Hello, 

Welcome everyone, 

Until an hour ago, I felt my life was in order and a peaceful sail...and wham! Infiltrating ductal carcinoma. I have no family history, lead a healthy life style, only 34...was planning a wedding, happily raising our 2 year old. Untl today. My fiance cried, he was so positive that it's nothing, just a small lump...maybe from breastfeeding. I am feeling so sad, terrified, why me? I want to see my baby grow up. I can't stop crying!

It started with a small lump that my GP detected at my annual pap test. The ultrasound showed a lump of irregular shape, but the radiologist still thought that it  may be someting else due to my age and no family history. Then biopsy and this morning - the diagnosis...So tomorrow I'm off to get the mammogram and then I guess they will schedule the surgery and then the wait time...My head is spinning and I still can't believe this is actually happening.

hobbesla4

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I was just diagnosed about a month ago and waiting for surgery (lumpectomy). It is quite shocking and was very overwhelming to me also. No family history,etc. I had some of the same thoughts that you are having about wanting to see children grow up, etc. Then I went to see the surgeon and he really put me more at ease. He said that most cancers can be treated and have high cure rates.



I have found that trying to stay focused on my daily life or things that I need to do keeps me from being a basket case. I am just trying to get through this one minute at a time. Be sure and take time to do something fun for yourself. And seek support when you need to. The people on here are always willing to listen.

margie79

Thanks so much for your reply. I've been quite overwhelmed by the news today but I will try to put my mind at ease and perhaps do some fun things with my daughter instead. All I am thinking now is to get this thing out of me as soon as possible, get whatever treatment necessary and move on with my life. Hopefully, I will find enough strength to get through this.

BayouBabe

So sorry the two of you are finding yourselves here, but welcome. You will be amazed at how strong you are and will become. The first few weeks are the hardest. Find those who want to help and let them. You will find great strength just in watching your children - mine are what have gotten me this far when I thought I was out of steam. Soak up their joy for life and energy. Hugs!

Maureen1

(((margie79))) so very sorry this has blindsided you during a time that is full of beauty and promise for the future...it looks like your pathology is not aggressive and the lump was small, those should be good signs...It is overwhelming to get this news but you are so right - do those fun things, enjoy your life...as someone told me - don't live in fear and don't be afraid to live...we're all here for you, hang in there, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers (((Hopeful Hugs))) Maureen

margie79

Thank you Maureen and BayouBabe, I am finding it very hard not to have a melt down again. I cannot help but see everything in black colours. 

I thought I had a perfect recipe for a healthy and long life - always been active, led granola lifestyle, did not smoke, rarely drank, healthy and wholesome foods, positive spirits - until today. It's like I've been cheated by the fate. 

On a positive note, I have a very loving and supportive man in my life, I do have someone to live and fight for. I wish I was done with treatments already. I pray to God to give me strength. 

Cougarlicious

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I'm also 34, with a 2.5 year old, and currently pregnant with our second son. Before I got diagnosed last month, my biggest concern was whether I should potty train my son before baby or after. Oh, how life changes! You will find that people will come out of the woodwork to help support you through this. I've already had to go through my first chemo treatment and luckily feel fine...you are stronger than you think! And since it sounds like it is not aggressive, your chances of beating this are high.

ek25

Margie,

So sorry you have to take this on right now.  I was diagnosed last year and, like you, have been extra healthy my whole life.  Excercised, have been a vegetarian for 25 years, never smoked, rarely drank, etc., etc., etc...What has helped me to deal with this has been 1) to stay away from trying to figure out "why me?", and 2) stay off the Internet entirely when it comes to looking up your diagnosis.  A wise woman gave me that advice very early on and I can only say it helped tremendously.  Like you, I had very early stage disease.  I ended up having a double mastectomy after a series of surgeries.  I have no regrets.  While this is unpleasant for you to be dealing with right now, one thing I saw as a huge positive is that someone caught this at such an early stage without a mammogram!  At 34, you wouldn't have been scheduled for your first mammogram for another 6 years, right?  Imagine the scenario if it went uncaught for 6 additional years.  I think you are extremely lucky that they caught it as early as they did.

All I can say is, let yourself have the meltdowns.  Don't try to be above this - few of us will ever face such a devastating diagnosis in our lives.  Let yourself grieve.  Trust me when I tell you that it will lessen and eventually pass with time.  I am only one year out and my black hole has all but disappeared.  Don't get me wrong, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my cancer, but do I think I'm going to die from this?  No.

My daughter was only 3 when I was diagnosed and I remember sitting on the couch at 2 a.m. because I couldn't sleep and thinking about my motherless children.  I think it is entirely normal to assume the worst when you get a diagnosis like this because there is so little information fed to us from the medical community.  For me, it didn't matter if I was diagnosed with DCIS or Stage IV, I had convinced myself that I was going to die from this.  I wish I could get back those miserable early days where I tormented myself with worry.  My head throbbed, I couldn't sleep, I walked around in a daze.  

You will get through this and as much as it sounds counterintuitive to say this, breast cancer does not come without silver linings.  For me, it helped me to put my priorities in perspective.  I quit a job that I hated in an industry that I loathed and decided to start my own business.  It helped me to live in the moment rather than look to the past or wait for the future.  It helped me to be more patient with my children and to make sure I continue to impart life lessons on them.  It helped me to realize that I exist - after 3 children in 5 years, there were times when I felt absolutely invisible.  Now, I prioritize time for me.  I workout 5 days a week, I get massages, and I focus on having less stress and being more happy.  And, most importantly, it has shown me how much I love my husband and how fortunate I am to be going through this life journey with him.  He has been nothing but supportive and comforting throughout all of this.  

I wish you all the best as you go through this.  It WILL get better.  Once all your test results are in and you know what you have and what you don't have, you'll be able to put some perspective on all of this.  

mdg

I am so sorry you had to join our club.  It's not right....none of us should be here. I was older than you when dx but my son was only 4 years old. I felt just like you do.  It was unbelievable to me.  I have been a fitness professional for years and had no family history. Sadly a majority of women with BC have no family history.  I know it is hard to believe me, but in time it gets better.  Now it has been almost 3 years since I was dx and life has returned to normal.  My son just turned 7.  I feel great.   Just realize it is going to be a long year, but there will be light at the end of the tunnel after that.  Sending hugs!

ML40

You are not alone, I am 40 had no visible lumps or history of BC in my family. In June, I moved to Hawaii and was going to start a new life with my husband. I decided to do something for myself and had a breast augmentation. The day after my plastic surgery I went in for my follow up appointment & was told I had cancer from my plastic surgeon. I have been in a whirlwind for the past 7 weeks too, going to numerous doctors appointments & to surgeries. You are not alone, my children (age 21 & 17) have been my saving grace and have given me the motivation. What has helped me is staying busy and learning as much as possible about BC. This has helped me gain some type of control of this whirlwind storm I am facing right now.

m02372

Well...I am new to the club as well...just diagnosed a few weeks ago. Discovered from pain in my hip turned out to be a lesion of breast cancer cells. So I am finding out backwards! It all comes at you so fast doesn't it? I work in a hospital so I have lots off resources at my disposal but my hubby (no kids) doesn't understand much of medical things. I think it is so sad to be able to find so many of you that are like me, but so happy to have someone else who gets it!

gavinsgrandma

Hi Ladies, I am so sorry you have to be here but theses threads are full of great women with so much advice and support although be careful because it is easy to get yourself overwhelmed by some of what you read. Be an advocate for yourself, get to know your cancer and how it behaves and remember you are #1 in this fight😄I too was Dx in may of this year with no family history,I have always been very nutrition oriented and took good care of my self. I was Dx on my only grandsons 1st birthday and two days later I had to put my doggie down and I still refer to that as my weekend from HELL, it has been 3 months of ups and downs, I have had BLM with delayed recon, they found 15/15 bad nodes so hence chemo and rads are indicated. Tomorrow I go for my 2nd round of chemo but I have a long road ahead, I should be finishing up with chemo and rads by may do 20014. Know that we are stronger than we think, we can take more than we think we can but let yourself scream, cry, complain and reach out to any positive help that is out there. I would love to follow you ladies and all I can offer is what I have been through and what helped me, as those ahead of me have helped me along my journey.

Mo2372, wow you really got news backwards 😕I had a really bad flair up of shingles after my 1st chemo( I have had them for years) but I ended up in the ER and because I am a BC patient they did a CT and MRI and found some suspicious spots on my lumbar spine which did not show up on my PET 3 weeks prior, but MO says they are small and the chemo should get them but we will recheck after chemo. Never a dull moment with cancer, but we are here and very supportive for each other please keep us posted and big hug's to all.



Shary🌞

msphil

your story sounds so similar to mine, I was 42, happy planning my second wedding to this wonderful man,working in medical field, I use to work in the Operating Room, as a tech for 15 yrs, then clinic in Peds, when I found the lump, I too cried like most of us here, pretty healthy, no history either, then I decided to fight this thing and with my Faith and family and friends, I am now a 19 yr Survivor(Praise the Lord GOD), so get all the info,your treatment plan and things won,t feel so overwhelming.  msphil(idc, stage2,0/3 nodes, L mast, chemo and rads and 5 yrs on tamoxifen)

ek25

Msphil - wow, what a wonderful story you shared.  I remember when I was diagnosed last year, I felt like I'd been handed a death sentence and it didn't matter how hard I tried or how much research I did, I had already convinced myself I was going to die from this disease.  After I crawled part way out of my black hole, I realized that what I needed most of all was to hear stories like msphil's of women who were several years out and who were alive!  

I belong to a support group of younger women in the Bay Area and I've initiated a series called 'Profiles in Bravery' where I profile a survivor every month.  We share daily routines, herbal supplements, etc...with hope that some day this will be helpful to someone.  We published our first edition last month and the feedback was so positive.  It's just another reminder, like msphil's, that we CAN survive this disease.  

Margie, just keep telling yourself that - that you can survive this and most likely will survive this.  Your cancer was caught early and if you look at all the statistics, oncotype/mammaprint aside, the most accurate predictor of survival is the stage.

margie79

Thanks so much everyone for words of encouragement. I have a meeting with a surgeon on Sep 3rd and will probably be scheduled for MRI. I am trying to stay positive but I can't tell you how many times a day my hand just goes to that little spot above my nipple on my left breast to feel that stupid little lump that suddenly has turned my life up side down. I still can't believe that it's happening to me but yep, the lump is still there and odds are high that it will not just disappear overnight.

I had a tough couple of days but today I feel much calmer. I even slept well at night. 

Just want to say that I am so happy to be a part of this community and thank you again for your support. I know I am not alone  .

Margie

liefie

Margie, hi from Vancouver Island! You got such good advice from all the people here - they are truly amazing, as I found out over the last 18 months or so. It will take time out of your life to deal with this, and it is best to  resign yourself to this, take charge of the situation, gear up for the fight, and give it your all. You are the most important player on your team - that's what I told myself - and your attitude is so important. There will be some dark days ahead, and times when you will feel scared, sick, or weary, but this is a temporary stumbling block. This too shall pass - that was my mantra which got me through chemo, and then through rads. Life to me is beautiful again now, even more so because I now know that I will not be here for ever. I should make the most of every day that I am given, and live and enjoy the moment. Best wishes, and BIG HUGS to you!

gavinsgrandma

Liefie, That is beautiful and so true, I know as women we are so use to taking care of everyone else first but now it is our time in our lives probably. MO P/A very sweetly reminded me today that the dust can wait, I have a lot of help but I do try to sneak in a little work if I feel up to it. God Bless you😄You remind me of my Mom and sure wish she was here with me through all this SHIT😥



Shary🌻

margie79

I went back and reread all the posts today. Just want to say thank you again, to all of you wonderful ladies. I've been doing well, overall. I have definitely more good than bad days but what I can't shed is the thought that I will never truly be cancer free. That my quality of life will never be the same. That I will have a progression to stage IV. Doesn't everybody with node involvement eventually end up in stage IV, sooner or later?

I had a lumpectomy couple of months ago and a micromet was found in one of my lymph nodes. Margins were not so good (less than 0.5 mm). They have also found some pre cancer cells and suggested mastectomy... Now I'm waiting for my oncotype score (my onco wants me to get it done since my cancer is slow growing) and they have already booked me for a bunch of meetings/tests and clinical trials. Chances are good that I will be getting chemo and they have me scheduled for Dec 2 for the first infusion of Cytoxan/Taxotere. I think I will be getting 4 of those over the period of 12 weeks..

I will be honest: I am scared of chemo.Terrified. I am scared that it will ruin my health and I won't be able to do things I've been doing up til now. I know I should not be asking "why me" because the answer should be "why not me"? Nothing makes me any more special than the next person. Sorry for all that whining but this board is my only luxury to do so. At home, I have to be strong, otherwise my partner starts to freak out. My mother calls me from overseas so worried that I honestly start fearing for her well being in all this. I have nobody that I can comfortably cry to without them getting uncomfortable. I hate cancer. It's not a gift and there is nothing positive about it despite of what some people say.

GlobalGirlyGirl

margie79 "Whine" away. It's not like you're "whining" about a hangnail. We have cancer. If there's anyone who can "whine," it's us.

This board is truly a Godsend for me. Women, present company included, get it.

As far as chemo, I would suggest taking things one thing at a time. When the oncotype score comes back, then you can make the decision.

Big hugs.