Confused and Discouraged - Need Help and Employment Advice

CharlotteMe

Sisters and Friends,

After Stage 3 diagnosis in Nov 2010, I had bilateral mastectomy, 29 weekly chemo treatments over 7 months, 6 weeks of radiation, followed by Femara. During treatment I experienced just about every serious side effect know. I am hugely grateful that treatment has had a positive outcome in that I show no evidence of disease! However, I am "much worse for the wear." I suffer from significant memory problems, neuropathy, joint/tendon pain and problems, lung scarring from radiation, diminished stamina and other lingering side effects. I have gone through a survivor care therapy program at my medical center and I have improved quite a lot since finishing treatment, but I know I will never be the same person I once was. I can accept that.

I was emotionally strong and positive through treatment and immediately after. I grieved for my losses and felt fear of recurrance (still do), but I was able to somehow keep my perspective and not succumb to depression.

Lately I have been struggling with feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. Much of this has been triggered by our financial situation and with trying to return to employment. As you know, the medical costs of cancer are staggering and I was working very part-time at the time of my diagnosis and could not work during treatment. I continue to have very high medical expenses and we have a son in college.

I applied for social security disability and was turned down! Big discouragement as others seem to get approved for far less that what I've been through. Our financial situation is such that I cannot afford to spend years waiting and fighting for something that I am not guaranteed. So I need to find any job that is mostly desk work, something that I am mentally and physically capable of doing.

I am in my mid 50's and formerly worked as a graphic artist. I took some time off to raise my family/care for our special needs child. Many of my skills are outdated and employers seems to want web design skills rather than traditional print graphic arts skills now. I also doubt I can handle the learning curve, deadlines, and stress of the field I formerly worked in. I have a BA in Communications and about 15 years of work experience.

So I have decided to simply look for a customer service type job with a local hospital or other similar job. The pay is much, much lower, but enjoy helping people and I think I could actually do this type of job. The reality is that I am no longer the "star performer" that I once was. When I tell some of my friends and family they simply don't get it! A few members of my medical team also don't seem to want to admit that after all I've been through I am not the same as the person I was when I walked in 3.5 years ago. Many days I consciously struggle to simply walk normally and not look like a 90 year old lady! I feel like some people I know will look down on me for taking this level of job thinking it is a waste of my talent, experience, and skills.

I feel like people who have never experienced cancer treatment sometimes think I now lack ambition or am lazy. I once ran my own business, was successful as an administrator in higher education, and functioned as a talented graphic artist. Now I know I am no longer capable of these positions and just want to earn consistent income, contribute towards social sec retirement, benefits, and even just be successful at getting hired. My resume looks like I am over qualified for many positions I apply for so I find that I "dumb it down" because I am truly not capable of what my past experience would lead to believe.

Should I look for part-time positions just to pay some of our bills and continue to try to regain/rebuild my own business in an etsy type arts and crafts field or should I just accept that I need to work full-time at a less demanding office job for a few years until we can get out of the financial mess we are in and have the money to buy a newer car, fix things around our house, and have additional benefits?

I am so discouraged and easily fall apart emotionally some days! Why is all this employment stuff and financial stress so much harder for me than treatment was?

Sorry for the long post. I just had to ask for help from others that "get it" and most other people simply don't!!!

Maureen813

You are just trying to survive. I went back to work and many coworkers noticed the change. You wont be the same. Sometimes I think I suffer from post traumatic stress with all the treatment. You get up every morning and do the best you can. Look for work you can always find something else if it doesn't fit your needs. Its easier to find work when you are working. Don't ask me why just seems to be the case. Start taking tests for a state or federal position. Think long term cause you are going to be around for a while. I tell myself that every day. Good luck

lago

CharlotteMe Just saw this post. I lost my job 5 months prior to diagnosis. DH already unemployed. We drained our savings for treatment and health insurance (our state had a high risk pool but $$$ and we both had to go on it). He since had found a job but I've only had spotty freelance (I'm a graphic designer too) and currently working a 5 month temp job for ACS with low pay but better than minimum wage. I'm 52.

I find in the graphics field it's very difficult to get work when you're over 35. I've had several interivews but I can't tell you how many times I hear "we decided to go with someone more jr." Pay is not the issue because we discussed this before the interview… it's age.

So I'm now looking outside the design field. Try signing with placement agencies. There are design ones but also try the ones that place all kinds of temp jobs. Robert Half and Manpower are a couple of non-design ones.

BTW I landed the ACS gig because they knew me from volunteering last year. Granted I don't have kids so I do have a bit more time.

Claire_in_Seattle

I am self employed and got a bit derailed following treatment.  Actually, not anything to do with my talents, but I had a client who lost a couple of their major clients.  They went elsewhere.  For example, someone pulled a study where I was supposed to be super busy for a couple of months and would have earned $18k.  No further business from this end client.  They went elsewhere.

So then I started looking.  This was towards the end of active treatment.  I landed some part time consulting work for a nonprofit, but nothing worked out there, or at least nothing to speak of.  I did at least have a bit of other work.  However, two years ago was not fun at all, as decided I needed to work full time.  I tried for things where I wasn't quite a fit.  Lots of work in technology services if you have platform experience.  I don't.

Fortunately, I had savings.

Things finally perked up a bit towards the end of the 2011, and I was able to rebuild my work porfolio and skills last year.  Then, things started moving with the nonprofit.  Right now, there aren't enough hours in the day to get it all done.  I am doing better work and more original thinking than ever in my career.  I just got paid for the online article I co-wrote with two colleagues.  Thursday, I started working at 6AM and didn't finish until 9pm.  That is what I mean by "busy".  I got it all done and made yesterday's August 30 deadline.

I also just wrote a proposal expanding my role with the nonprofit.  This will mean more income for me, but at least 2x the time investment.  Who would have known?  I have my other clients too.

I am recounting this story to let you ladies know that it can be done and I am ~10 years older.  I use exercise to keep my brain sharp and also keep my energy levels up.  I am going vineyard camping this weekend, and I think cycling 31 miles later today.  Hiking too.  Taking some work with me, but not my computer.  Suspect some wine from the vineyard tasting room.

The good news with this low income period is that I have discovered camping!!! I do need to get my own camping gear however.  This weekend's features BBQ access, outdoor shower, and perhaps use of the sauna.   Hmmmmmm.

I will also be working for quite some time.  That is fine. 

Anyway, I always thought I would be able to work, but a case of figuring it all out.  A friend here signed on to work par time between retiring and being able to draw a pension.  He became one of the people the firm could count on.  He could have done more, but didn't want to.  So temp could be a way to go.

One more point: the way I get around the age thing is mention completing 7 of 7 Seattle-to-Portland Bicycle Classic events.  Unless a major elite cyclist, that gets everyone's attention in a positive way.  I also made sure I updated my skill set via FREE webinars.  I do at least 2 per month.  Critical to keep current.

Hope all this helps.  Hang in there.....good things come to those who make it happen.  But two years ago, I was wondering if that day would ever come.  It did.  Good luck. - Claire

lago

Claire_in_Seattle in my case the age issue isn't that they think I can't keep up with the work. I am in shape, look great and most of the time look healthier than the person interviewing me! It seems many times I am interviewing with someone younger than me, someone who is afraid I will take their job or someone who just thinks they can control younger people better.

There are other things I can do besides design. I consider myself a problem solver who is very organized and has very strong communication skills. Give me a problem I will make several suggestions on how we might solve it… who doesn't want to hire a person like that?!

I have not given up just not so sure the design industry is open for me anymore. I don't want to be a freelancer.