Intimacy during chemo

Angstapp

Hi everyone,

I need advice and to vent.

Just to paint a brief picture, I was dignosed in April, have had a mastectomy, trans flap op and am half way through chemo.  Chemo has been a struggle as I have been bed ridden with nausea so I've been a bit of a sad sack, I'm 36 and have a 3 and 5 year old.

Well my hubby has been giving me the hints about getting "intimate" and to be honest it's the last thing in the world I feel like, I felt really mean turning him down and also felt a bit miffed that he would even ask, i understand he has needs and all that jazz but far out - I have no feeling in my chest and stomach, i have a mouth full of ulcers and I feel like sex as much as I feel like another dose of chemo!! Arghhhh, am I being selfish?  Help!!!

mrenee68

Angstapp I don't feel like you are being selfish. This is a very challenging time you are going through both physically and mentally. Talk to your husband and explain to him how you are feeling. Sometimes men need to be told in plain terms how we are feeling. Men don't always get others feelings, they are wired different. This is a time to be good to yourself and put yourself before others. I know it can be hard but they will understand. Communication is so important. Hope this helps. Best wishes!

Angstapp

Ok, think i will write down what to say so I don't get sarcastic, I did tell him about my body issues and he wasn't phased - it's the emotional side I'll have to explain, MEN!!!!

mrenee68

That's a good idea to write things down. Good luck and don't get too discouraged if it takes him awhile to get it. Men can be a little slow and sometimes a little selfish.

Keep me posted.

KSteve

Playing devil's advocate here - while we are the ones who physically going through the breast cancer treatments, our husbands are also scared and going through this in their own way.  I know my husband was scared he could lose me and the intimacy during chemo kept him feeling connected with me.  I think it lessened his fears.  Now, having said that, it wasn't often and definitely wasn't the best we've ever had, but it helped his emotions.  This cancer diagnosis affects the whole family in many different ways.  I was not nearly as sick as it sounds like you have been, so I'm not suggesting you need to "suck it up" so to speak.    Just wanted you to possibly see this from a different angle. For him it was more about the emotional connection with the intimacy. Good luck with your treatments!  There are certainly no easy answers.

Angstapp

That's a really good point!