Mother of 3 - starting chemo 7/24...how do I do this?

Jserenityb0413

I don't know what to do. The closer I get to chemo day the more nervous I am. I know it's for the best...it's prevention...I need to be here for my kids in the long run BUT how can I cope? How can I do this for 4-5 months and still be a good mom when I know I will be too tired to go to the park, I might be too sick to play games, I might be too unwell to hear about their day and make them dinner. I had my bilateral masectomy almost 4 weeks ago and I am stlll in pain.



I know I have to do this but how can I cope?



Jaquelin

BayouBabe

You will still be mom. By being a slower less active mom for a few months you are doing everything you can to be that great mom again soon. Be mad at cancer not yourself. Hugs as you face this!

TifJ

Jaquelin - Yes, it is hard, but not impossible. As Bayou said- slow down a bit. The chemo makes you feel bad for about 5-7 days then you start to rebound until the next one. I was still able to make my kids food and do laundry. When you're not feeling well, have them come up on your bed (make sure to tell them they must be easy-no jumping or flopping around) and play games or just talk. Now is the time to rely on others. Let someone else clean your house, take your kids for the day, make some meals.

Do you have anyone you can rely on for help?

Just remember, chemo is not like it is portrayed in the movies. You won't be throwing up all over the place, but you will feel yucky. Just take it slow and easy and best wishes to you!

daffyc

You can do this!!  Not sure how old your kids are which can make a difference in the amount of help and care they will need.  Depending on what kind of chemo might make a difference in how you feel as well and how fast you recover after each infusion.  I would plan on having a few down days where you might need to watch some movies, tv, reading or other quiet activities.  Then you'll start to feel better and can likely get to the park or outside a bit.  

I'm a mom of 3, too.  I've found having to get up in the morning to get my kids out the door for school or take them to other activities has actually been a good thing and made me move more and I think feel better, too.  Yes, there have been a few times I just couldn't do what I normally do for them, but they are also growing and learning through this process as well.  

If you have friends and/or family that offer to do things with your kids, clean, make dinner, shop, etc... take them up on it as you need to.  Also, if you kids are younger, you might want to arrange some child care (in home or out) for a few hours/day after each cycle.  

Plan easy dinners, prep what you can when you feel better.  I don't normally, but I've bought a few frozen meals for my family during this time, too.  If you can when you are feeling better, make some extra food to freeze for the days when you are feeling fatigued.  

Best of luck to you!!

D4Hope

Not sure what chemo drugs you will be getting. I had 4 rounds of cytoxin and adriamycin I felt tired and had some nausea but was able to get the kids around to all their summer activities. I felt sick to my stomach a few times but wasn't too sick to function. everyone reacts differently to chemo.

Letlet

My dear, not taking your kids to the park while recovering from chemo does not make you a bad mom! No one is judging you so dont be harsh on yourself. Im assuming you are doing chemo to do all you can to be there for them...that alone speaks volumes of the kind of mom that you are. Be kind to yourself.

BikerLee

here in minnesota, we have an organization called minnesota angel - it's not a religious organization but rather one specifically for families with kids in which an adult care giver is dealing with a cancer diagnosis.  this helped so very very much!!!!!  we attended a once weekly "facing cancer together" series, and we learned a ton during that epxerience... as well as met some simply fantastic people. they also fed us dinner each night!

it really helped to talk to other parents about the realities of day to day during treatment... and to talk about what is appropriate for sharing at different ages.

the social worker who led our discussion group (adults only during this portion - kids were in their own activities) said there are a few things that can really help.

one - make sure they know they'll be cared for no matter what... and that's true. you'll still be able to care for them, whether you need some help to get it done or not.  

two - they can each have a roll to play.  interestingly, one parent said she enlisted her young child to always open and close the car door for her - after her surgery, she couldn't manage the door.  this made the child feel like he was helping her and he took his "job" very seriously... he was like 3 or 4 at the time. another parent said her child's job was to refill her bottle of water...  

there's a third one, but i'm blanking on it at the moment...  wait wait - i remember - they might be worried they can catch it... nope - you can't catch this....

those were the three big things.  

another thing to consider - perhaps you can do some activities you don't normally do but that they enjoy.  for me, my child and i actually watched a few netflix movies together, something we simply don't do much of in our home....  that provided some nice quality time and special time and helped. we also drew together... and when i was feeling good, we rode bikes together etc...  the good times will outnumber the bad times!  i had one very rough cycle, but otherwise, the good times way outnumbers the bad.... in the evenings - i often did reading time with him - side by side reading time - he read his thing... and i usually started off reading mine... but then fell asleep... ha ha... he remembers that.  then, he'd go to his own bed to sleep when it was time.  

we also had some friends drop dinner off a few times - that was wonderful... and friends invite our child for playdates and offer rides to hockey (i missed one game because i just couldn't manage to stand outside for two hours... he plays park hockey)...  say yes to offers of help....  and thank you...  even if you're feeling okay or "not that bad" ... we all only have so many matches to burn, and if your children have the opportunity to go do something they want to do and it gives you some precious rest time.... say yes.

and lastly... you'll manage. it's manageable.  it sucks, but it's manageable. and we're moms. so we simply get er done when we have to, right? 

OK - one more lastly... hand hygene!  we had a pretty darn strict policy of hand washing while i was on the chemo.  when our son came home from school - wash hands now! when a friend came over - wash hands now! after eating - wash hands now! after blowing a nose - wash hands now!  we also had some hand foam, which we used a lot of (less drying - it was winter in minnesota, after all)...  i actually got fewer colds on chemo than i normally do in winter in minnesota...  success!!!!  number one thing you can do is keep yoru hands and your children's hands washed up regularly!

ok - good luck... parenting through chemo sucks... but it is doable - even more doable if you have a bit of help...  but doable nonetheless.

hope this helps a little.

lee

ps - consider using glutamine as a supplement to prevent some of the side effects - nueropathy in particular - you can buy this as a powder - mix a rounded tablespoon in a cup of water - swirl and drink up!!!! three times a day for the first several days after each treatment.  of course, ask your oncology team before deciding, but i am convinced it helped me... and minimizing side effects makes this whole thing even a bit more manageable...  you know?

BikerLee

ps - how old are your children?

debbiema

Please hang in there.  I am a widow and have two children ages 7 and 10.  I finished my last round of TC on July 17th!  I got through it and am getting through it.  You will see that others want to help you and you need to take their help.  You will find that you have more strength than you ever imagined!  Stay strong!