Tired of happy?!

BayouBabe

I am so tired of being happy for people because this is what they expect or frown on me being any other way. At home I stay upbeat for my two preteens. Friends expect me to smile and say I am great - after all I still have hair and am alive. I complained about side effects a while back and one of my SIL said "well that's your fault, didn't they tell you about SE before you went and did all this?" Like I had a choice! I had cancer you idiot!



My dad was just diagnosed with cancer and starts chemo in about two weeks. (I lost my mom to cancer 7 years ago and my 32 yr. old brother to health issues 3 years ago). I was explaining the issue to my husband's family last night and the response was, "oh well he's had a good life." Seriously! He is not dead yet! Does no one get how hard this is for me? No one in my family has died an easy old age death, and I am still battling my cancer, and this is what you say to me?!



My husband is amazing, as is my support group. Thank God for all of them. I am not depressed, just burned out. I want to hibernate to avoid people, but am finally feeling strength to get out and do things. I am just so frustrated with stupid, insensitive people. Vent over. Thanks for listening. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it?

NancyHB

Bayou, I'm so sorry to hear about your father's recent diagnosis.  He is *still* living a good, long life...it's definately not over with yet!

And so sorry to hear about your experiences with those less-than-empathetic.  I get where you're coming from.  You ask how I dealt with it?  I didn't, much to my present dismay.  I smiled.  I tried to be polite.   I let others cry on *my* should because they were so upset about *my* diagnosis.  A friend got mad once when I couldn't make it out to a get-together (right at the height of feeling horrible from an AC treatment), and I blurted out, "F**k you, I've got cancer," to which she replied, "I can't wait until you stop using that excuse."

I realized that *my* disease made others uncomfortable.  What I heard/saw from them was about them, not about me.  I had a great support system in my husband and children, and I am grateful for that.  But everyone else?  I learned not to care, and to depend on those who I knew really mattered.

The joke is now, "But I have cancer!" whenever I want to tease my kids about something.  My daughter finally said recently, "Mom, you *had* cancer - and I'm so glad you can stop using that excuse."  For once, I was glad to hear those words.  And it was okay.

Peace and love to you during this crappy time, Bayou!

shoppygirl

I am so sorry to hear of your dad, I hope he is able to handle the treatments well. I totally understand where you ladies are comming from. Everyone expects you to be so positive going through this. They can't understand how difficult it is to deal with not only the physical aspects of all the treatments but also the mental side of things. It is the unknown that bothers me the most. We have a couple that we have been friends with for years an right after my surgery it was the wifes birthday. We found out from other friends that she did not invite us to her dinner as she did not want to be around anyone depressing or talk about cancer on her birthday! I have tried very hard not to talk abot it around people as I don't want to think about it all the time. Needless to say, we are no longet friends with them! I too have had to allow friends to cry on my shoulder as they were upset over my diagnosis! People are strange!

ang7894

I know where your coming from.

Even my husband was not sensitive to me I had him say well you knew you where going to loose your hair!! Yes but physically and emotionally that is NOT what I wanted to here at that time. He could have said well hun no matter what I love you and we will get through this... I also dumped one friend she was this drama queen and had to stick her nose in to everyones business and I just did not need that in my life.  I live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone needless to say I hated to go out of my house I would feel they did the pity party look or would not say anything at all and  after 19 years living here certain people did not know what to say so they don't even talk to me any more. Needless to say you really find out family and or friends who is really there for you.  I now have my house up for sale after 20 years of living in this house it's time to move on..

kaza

ang7894.......Hi, this disease takes so much from us, no one will ever be able to understand the emotions, and side effects from treatment unless they have BEEN there . Husbands and partners can be si insensitive to our feelings when all we want is a hug and as you say, we are in this together.  I have also lost friends or should i say so called friends, to be honest dont miss them, i am left with two good friends they are the gems.

You are now through active treatment, and now taking Tamoxifen, you now need to think of yourself what makes you happy, enjoy your time now doing things just for you, hold your head up high, you are a very special lady, wiser and beautiful your hair will soon be longer and you will feel stronger in yourself, try to ignore these rude insensitive people you do not need them. You deserve better, you will make new stronger friendships.

You have done wonderfully, be proud of where you are now, you are special, lovely lady .

As for moving, if you feel this is right for you go ahead, we make many changes to our lives after this dx . You will know in your gut if this is the right way to go, sending you HUGS   kaza xxxxxxx