Feeling doomed

kittycat1971

Hi everyone.  My name is Karen and I am 42 years old.  I know just from the title of my post I sound like a huge "Debbie Downer" but I really need to just get this off my chest (so to speak).  Have just come through a couple of really rough days.  Had my second abnormal mammogram in 2 years. My "diagnosis" each time has been for a focal asymmetric area found in the upper left quadrant of my left breast. This time, (as compared to 2 years ago) that area has gotten bigger.  Went for a f/u with additional scans, and then they recommended an ultrasound.  According to the doctor, she believes that everything is fine and I will come back in 6 months to get it checked again. So I should feel happy and relieved, right?? Instead I feel just depressed and despondant.  I feel like a ticking time bomb.  I know that sounds horrible and read posts from women who are going through so much worse than me but I can't shake this feeling that I am doomed and that eventually breast cancer will "get me".  I do not have a family history but have been told that I have extremely dense breasts.  From what I have read that is just as bad if not worse then having a strong family history.  I feel like its just a matter of time....The most frustrating part is there is nothing I can do.  I cannot change the "density" of my breasts!  Sure, I can excercise and eat better etc. but that's about it.  Hubby thinks I should maybe see someone or talk about getting some meds and he is proably right. I am just curious as to how other women in this board who are in similar situations deal with the anxiety and "not knowing".  How do you live your life to the fullest w/o the constant worry in your head that eventually something bad will happen to you?  I thank you all in advance for anything you might say and for just "listening" to me.  

Maureen1

So sorry you are going thru this...I know what you feel, I felt like a time bomb too and had very dense breasts with lots of "lumpy" cysts so it was hard to tell when a lump was a problem or just another lump...my ultrasounds and mammograms were "normal" every year but I finally was fed up with a lump that worried me and referred myself to a surgeon. It turned out to be breast cancer and was already in the lymph nodes - they thought it had been there 4 - 5 years by the time I asked them to take it out! So, the moral of the story for me is - insist on a thorough work up if you are worried, if you have dense breasts then don't trust a mammogram to find anything - AFTER my cancer diagnosis the radiologist said " mammograms don't do any good if you have dense breasts" - great, thanks, now you tell me!!! And also, if you are at a high risk for breast cancer they can put you on tamoxifen to "prevent" breast cancer, there are risks so it's not what you want to do if you aren't at high risk but it's an option, whatever it takes to prevent cancer! good luck...Maureen

MelissaDallas

Kittycat, I think you rationally know this, but you are not at particularly high risk and have no reasonable reason to feel doomed. When you are put on a six month watch that means there is a less than 2% chance that whatever they have had to double check on is anything concerning. It sounds like at this point they probably believe it to be something benign like a fibroadenoma. Do they ever absolutely know what things are without cutting them out? No, but they are highly trained to recognize common lesions and it is perfectly reasonable to believe you don't have a lot to worry about at this point. A large proportion of women get call backs on mammograms, but most of them don't amount to anything.