My Mom

Fifi834

She has always been my rock. My inspiration. My mother.



My mom was diagnosed with stage IV BC in January, 2009. She has fought long and hard, and has amazed many drs. with her body's response to various chemos and radiations over the years. Now, however, her body is giving out.



A couple of weeks ago, she woke up and was completely confused and disoriented: she didn't know where she was, talking nonsense, etc. My father took her to her doctor, who did an MRI and saw that the membrane surrounding her brain was inflamed and thickened, and was, therefore, putting pressure on her brain and skull. After a spinal tap a few days later, it was determined that her cancer has spread into her central nervous system - chiefly, the membrane surrounding the brain, called Meninges (?).



Her headaches are so severe at times that my once strong, healthy vibrant mother can hardly stand. And I suppose that because of the brain pressure, she has difficulty reasoning that she MUST eat in order to take her meds - and she MUST take her meds, period. But she (again, not able to reason) is so afraid that she is going to throw up, that it is a round-the-clock struggle for my dad and me to get her to eat something and medicate. Her mental state is declining (today, she asked me if I saw any Indians - huh?). Motor skills - even walking - seem to be deteriorating. It is so discouraging, frustrating and sad to see her like this. I don't want to remember her like this.



On Monday, her oncology radiologist is going to start a round of localized radiation, with hopes of reducing the swelling in the meninges to (hopefully) alleviate some of the pain in her head and, along with continued steroids and pain meds, make her more comfortable. If she responds well to the treatment, he feels her life could be extended by 3-12 months. Of course, if this treatment causes her too much discomfort, then we will cease it, call hospice and let the powers that be take over.



It is so difficult to get my head around this. I feel so horrible for my dad, as my mom has always been the one to take care of HIM. They have been married for 47 years and are soulmates! All of this just, for lack of a better word, sucks!



I will miss - and be so lost without my mom. In a way, I feel like she is already gone. Is that wicked of me to think that?



Thanks for reading ...

nicole2086

I am so sorry. You are not wicked in any way. As a medical student (keyword: student, not doctor) I would advise palliative radiation treatment until it seems to be doing more harm than good. None of us --none, not a single one-- makes it through life having all the time we need with those we love. Reflect on the good times and the lessons learned and make the most of the time you have left with her. That's the best that any of us can do.