How do you get past the fear of recurrence?

ali68

Hi everyone, well I spent the weekend in the garden catching up on weeding and doing jobs. What with running around with my teenage daughter's I didn't think of C word at all. I think because I'm looking like I was before the Cancer and I can do more things. The horrible dark cloud has lifted and any thoughts of a recurrence is alien to me.



I think I'm over the dark days and so happy to embrace everyday.

maryah930

I feel like I am back to Sept 2012 when I first felt the lump and knew it was cancer. I have spent this whole day wasting time researching, just like last year. In fact, I handled my dx, surgery, and treatments better than I'm handling my anniversary.  Will it be like this every year?  I feel like I'm so depressed just over the thought that this could recur. Words of wisdom anyone?

netty46

Hi I am there  also.  Its hard to get over it for some people.  It takes time.  I try to keep busy and get out.

voraciousreader

I came into this breast cancer world having had not one, but TWO life saving emergency operations. So getting a breast cancer diagnosis wasn't as traumatic experience for me as it has been for many sisters. Nonetheless, for all of us, it creates deep feelings. Each day I have to decide if those deep feelings should be negative or positive. Here I am, several years away from my diagnosis and I am well and grateful and full of life. So with every passing day, my choice to have positive feelings about living overrides my negative feelings about dying. In fact, I was enjoying a wedding reception last weekend, yes ENJOYING a wedding reception, and was seated with one of my physicians who asked me how long ago my second life saving operation was. Not knowing I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I told him that it's been such a long time ago, I don't remember the year. He then told me I looked beautiful and how lucky I was to be alive. So, some how, some day long ago, I figured out that I needed to enjoy living. For me, I realized after my second surgery, I had to move on, quickly or else! I still had young children to raise and realized they needed me. Did I want to not enjoy those precious years? Did I want to ruin their happiness by being gloomy? Had I chosen to let those negative feelings disrupt my happy feelings, I would have missed out on enjoying living. So, make that commitment to yourselves every day to choose happiness over despair. Make that commitment to yourself quickly every.single.day. Find time each day to endulge yourself. Some days, wearing a new lipstick brings me feelings of joy, on other days, I work hard at volunteering my time.



My neighbor was recently diagnosed with DCIS. She called me with no knowledge of my breast cancer diagnosis. She was in a funk from talking to so many people and most had awful stories. So here is what I said to her and I hope it helps you too. I said, "If you have confidence in your team, then listen to what they tell you and don't listen to other people. Don't read things either if they are going to leave you doubtful. And, if you get the urge to tell people what you're going through, be prepared to hear awful things. Or do what I do. Don't bring up your diagnosis with anyone but your team. If someone calls YOU because they have been diagnosed and want to talk, then by all means, TALK ABOUT YOURSELF. Offer them a shoulder for THEM to lean on. And before you know it, you will be feeling better.





I wish all of you well and hope you will each find your state of happiness longer with each passing day. Pay it forward and see how quickly you feel better... And don't forget...indulge yourselves and smile and don't forget the lipstick!

netty46

Thank you Voaracious.

latoya81

Since it's been 13 years for you now, you still fear recurrence?

michie56

Bottom line...IT'S ALL A CRAP SHOOT! You just never know when the beast will rear it's ugly head. It can happen at anytime to anyone...I learned that the hard way. 

Gai

Hi latoya81

To be honest I don't really think about it anymore and haven't for a long while now. 

I had done a lot of work on setting a mindset which was focussed on my life after cancer/chemo.  I used meditation from the time I was diagnosed to keep balance and perspective (I still meditate everyday even now).  It was a godsend during the long hours of chemo and helped me to focus forward on a positive outcome.  You can read more here

http://gaicomans.com/2013/04/11/4-actions-you-can-take-to-step-into-a-thrivers-mindset-during-chemotherapy/

I also studied "fear" and worked through a process to manouvre it out of my life.  I didn't find an instant cure but with time, persistance, patience and guidance I got through it and it was definitely worth it.  I am living a life that I love now, it is possible!

Kind regards

Gai

Gai

maryah930

It is very natural for anniversaries, doctors appointments etc to trigger past memories and take you back to your diganosis.   In that first year you are so busy "fighting the war" that you are focused on just surviving it all - then you do survive it but what comes next.  I have heard of survivorship being like a "warrior without a war" as you can't really work out who the enemy is now!  

I was intent on thriving rather than just surviving the diagnosis and treatment.  My life was thriving before cancer so why not after cancer?!  I had experienced challenging personal and health situations in the past but worked my way through it before so why not now!

I meditated, set goals, made changes, found guidance and worked my way through it slowly but surely and I always believed that I would be well and happy.  It doesn't happen overnight but you can get through it.  You might find this interesting to read.....

http://gaicomans.com/2013/04/11/5-steps-to-creating-a-thrivers-mindset/

Gai

Gai

ali68

That's great news.....enjoy the spoils of life now

Although I am in London at the moment and the warmth and sunshine seem to have disappeared!

Take care

Gai

latoya81

@Michie56, yeah I can see that. I know no one with breast cancer can ever be considered as cured. Just because some women experience recurrences doesn't mean that everyone will.

farmerlucy

Gai - Thank you very much for starting this thread. I love your positive attitude. I worked through a lot of fear those first few months post dx. I know I am stronger and more at peace now. My oh my I spent way too much time worrying my first 52 years. Now I treat BC the same way I treat an airplane ride, something could happen, but there is nothing more I can do about it, so I may as well sit back and enjoy the ride.

violet_1

Love this thread. Thank you for starting it.

FEAR =

False

Evidence

Appearing

REAL



VIOLET

shoppygirl

Amen Violet!!

violet_1

Vor,

I also had a near death experience prior to BC... years ago. I had a placental abruption with my 2nd pregnancy & IF I hadn't been IN the hospital at the time (well before my due date), I surely would've bled to death...the car ride to hospital was 45 min. away...

It was totally unexpected, but I had been having bleeding on & off...them BAM! Right after they hooked me up to an IV, the placenta tore away pumping tons of blood out. They had to scrounge up ER docs...no time for them to even scrub up...

I was so lucky that both I and the baby lived--emergency C-section. They didn't want to do a transfusion due to the AIDS issue back then...took me months to recover. Baby was healthy & fine.

Then, the baby died 2 months

later of SIDS...:(

Thanks Vor, for reminding me that there ARE other serious medical issues we might be dealing with aside of Cancer...or the threat of a recurrence. ..

I'm not sure WHAT your life saving surgeries were, but obviously they gave you some perspective. ..

Violet

voraciousreader

Violet... During my first life saving emergency operation, I was given 5 blood transfusions. I was "lucky" because they had, just a few months before starting screening the blood for AIDS. A few years later, when I became pregnant with my third child, I had developed a rare blood incompatibility with my baby due to the prior blood transfusions. The pregnancy became high risk and I was watched weekly beginning in my third month with blood tests. There was a high probability that I would have to deliver early. Thankfully, we held our own until my baby decided by himself to come early. Healthy boy, but a month early. The pregnancy was frightening from beginning to end. Doctors were annoyed that I got pregnant in the first place because of my previous life saving reproductive surgery. I was pregnant with twins... One in the tubes that they didn't know about. Nearly killed me. Doctors had told me not to have more kids... But the urge was to great. That last pregnancy produced a lovely young man. He's a rocket AND nuclear scientist. He brings our family and his girlfriend and her family joy...every.single.day. My awful experience was worth every second of aggravation and I would do it again in a heart beat.

violet_1

Vor:



Xo

Violet

farmerlucy

Violet et al - I'm so sorry for all the heartache. In the depths of my despair I would cry out "Why, why, why does life have to be so hard?" I feel for all your struggles. The thing that gets us through is the love, caring, and support of others. That is why I feel so passionate about paying things forward.

Bany

Great NEW Article on Fear of Recurrence in Cure Magazine!!  

http://www.curetoday.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/article.show/id/2/article_id/2162

Thought it might be helpful for some of you!

Gai

When I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2000, I was determined to find a solution and a better way of living - without fear.   I have now put together a step by step program.  

This program will be entirely focused on how to move away from living in and with the fear that is impacting your life.  It will include live calls which will be recorded, a book including all the information from the calls and take action worksheets.  I plan to be releasing it shortly.

I am going to cover all the ways that I have used to move out of living in fear and how to step back into power and I will help you do it as well.

HOWEVER, I really need your help.  Before finalising everything, I need to make sure that I have covered everything.

Please take a minute to answer a really short survey - there are only a few questions

You can access the survey through the link below but please cut and paste into your browse 

http://goo.gl/DUY2zS

I really appreciate your help

Thanks again Gai

 

 

Gai

Thank you to those who have had time to complete the survey in the last post your feedback is amazing and helpful in design tools to met your needs.  

I have had a few questions I thought I would ask if you're interested......

How to cope with and handle fear of the unknown?

How to live with fear and uncertainty?

What is the difference between living with and living in fear and uncertainty?

What actions can you take to start to move past fear?

If you have these questions you can find some answers that may help in this recent post

http://gaicomans.com/2013/10/03/living-with-uncertainty-and-fear/

Gai

Annabella58

Colt:

I got a first bc at 46, second at 52.  I'm now 57.  I know many, many women who have had much worse diagnoses 25 years ago and never saw it again.

Can she live a long life?  Of course she can, dear.  Will she?  No one knows what the future holds, will we get hit by a bus tomorrow?  Will a landslide take us out?  One could speculate endlessly but there is no dress rehearsal for bad news, you know.  You can worry all you want....or not.  It won't make a bit of difference.  As my husband reminds me, each scan time (always worrisome and scarey ) "if it is, it is and we'll deal with it.  If not, great, we'll celebrate!"   Once you realize that worrying is useless, you can let it go.

Look, if you trust your doctors, and do what they say, there is every reason to expect a good cure.  If it ever comes back, well, they can fix it again.  When mine did, I just felt like..."Really?  Did you not do it right the first time?"  (they left a little speck evidently).  Maybe it'll never come back.  If not in her nodes, and gotten hit hard, it shouldn't.  They said to me "Well, with a little luck, you'll never see t his again. Go have a nice life."

Words to live by!  If it were me (and it was, I was younger), I would want everything they had.  Rads is nothing terrible.  And I never had SEs at all....depends on each person's makeup of course, but even CMF chemo was quite doable.  Never got sick, never needed the anti nausea pills either.  Worst thing I got was a bit chubby from the steroid (and the ice cream I wanted) but so what.

Now after recon, I have a great set again.  Recon is a miracle.  Tell her it will all work out.  She's here.  They caught it.  She's young and strong.  You guys will be AOK.

The advances are miraculous in all of the past 10 years.  I suspect that once they get your wife to a point where she is totally NED, in the next five  years, there will be even better treatments should (should!/if!) it ever rear its head again.  Think of it like weeding....stay on top of things, don't try to live in a bubble as we live in an imperfect world....a wise dr. told me that the people that laugh, eat chocolate, have a drink or two, and basically live in moderation, do better than those aesthetics that try to live a totally pure life.

I believe, with all of my heart, that it will be OK for you two.  God bless.  Try not to let a jerk dr. get to you.  Go find another one you like.  Many are wonderful.

This rocks your world, but now, for me, 10+ years out,from two diagnoses, and no genetics for it, I just try to move on.  This sounds impossible I know, but it will happen.

It's caught.  That's the big deal here!  The time to be frightened was when they did not know!  So now, it'll be fixed.  And she'll go forward and so will you. 

God bless

Annabella58

And Violet....me too.  I lost two babies pre birth at 5 and at 6 months.  Dear sister, I send you love and hugs.

That blessed child is safe and with God. 

violet_1

Annie,

You have a great attitude. ..;)

And thanks for your comment. On the recurrence issue, I just know I could have a recurrence at any time...and honestly, I'll be REALLY surprised if I don't. We don't KNOW the status of my L side lymph nodes, so I'm sure that ? will always be in the back of my mind to boot.

BUT, whatever is going to happen is going to happen, ya know?

My GUT feels strongly that I should have some SCANS...partly cuz I have PMPS in my L side. I see my OS on the 22nd, &I'll ask him then.

My bloodwork is ok except for low calcium...my bone density is fine. But my Vit D is low. I'm taking Vit D now & a Multi vitamin w some calcium--they will retest in 30 days.

My MO does NOT recommend for me to take a plain CALCIUM supplement cuz of the heart disease connection w it that scientists have discovered.

But I know low calcium in the blood isn't a good thing...;)

Anyway, I think the possibility of recurrence and mets will ALWAYS be a bit hanging over my head, ESPECIALLY since I had BC in BOTH BREASTS right out of the gate.

Vi

violet_1

Anyone else never scanned, but think they should be?

Vi

Annabella58

Hey ladies...on the fear. Of course we never do lose that. We can learn to cope with it. After all, dears, life is fatal, no one here is getting out alive. Yet we do not get up every AM even those of us post BC and say "is today the day I get hit by a bus? do we?

I tend to just live in the present. When the scans rear their ugly heads, I think on what my DH says "if it is, it is and we will deal with it. If it isn't, great, let's move on". That really helps.

I will confess to one heck of a great coping technique. When I am waiting for scan results, I pray. Put it all in God's hands. Let it go. Then I uh, turn off my phone. I go shopping. This little oasis allows me to not be sitting there like an execution and for a tiny moment in time, I'm in control of my life. I block my onc, the hospital, everyone but my husband who knows only to call if he has good news. This may be quite cowardly, but lord, it helps.

I have also come to the realization that there is no "dress rehearsal" for awful things. If we spent any more time than necessary on this stuff we will end up in rubber rooms. So do your scans, don't obsess, eat the chocolate and have (no more than 2!!) a week, drinks if you want them. Enjoy yourself. We are all here right now, chatting away. Yet if we'd thought during our pre teens, teens, childhood, proms,weddings, whatever that we'd be here, talking about this as s urvivors, well, that would have p ut quite a cramp in our lives, correct? So do what you must to stay healthy without going crazy over it. Live a happy lifestyle, throw some exercise in there. Have a drink. Have two. Watch a sunset. Laugh. If you want to do something silly, or put off a scan for a week, it's not the end of the world.

There is no dress rehearsal.

shoppygirl

Anniealso

Wonderful advice!!! Praying and shopping, love it!!!

indenial

Violet_1, I was never scanned, and it really worries me. I have had a long enough history of pain & other issues that make me think I could have undetected mets. I don't feel like every ache & pain is a sign of mets but I don't know if I believe it really was contained to my breast. Not sure if this is intuition or fear. Just one scan at the outset (or after finishing chemo maybe) would have been really reassuring to me.

violet_1

indenial,

I'm surprised they didn't give u one after chemo. I HOPE I can get one when I go on the 22nd...PMPS & all

that. Shall report back!

Come on over to the Retail Shopping thread if Y'all need some lighter subjects for a bit! Fun stuff &

I just posted about some PERFUME sites...;)

Vi

shoppygirl

I have had scans, just one recently and for some reason I still don't feel I am ok! Now I have an ache in my hip that is freaking me out! It's crazy how insecure I am!!! I sometimes pull out the report and read it to calm myself down! I'm insane!!