Angry and need to vent!

twoplustwins

Hi everyone I am new to this forum and just needed a place to vent but I can't seem to find anyone that understands.

When I was 29 I found a large lump in my breast. I immediately went to the doctor and he told me not to worry about it because I was young, but if it would feel better he would send Me for a mammogram and ultrasound. They were suspicious so I had a core biopsy. I was diagnosed with a borderline Phyllodes tumor and went on to have a lumpectomy with 2 cm margins.  At the 3 month follow up mammogram (by this time I had turned 30) from surgery they found another suspicios lump. This one against the chest wall. Biopsy revealed DCIS. I had another lumpectomy that confirmed grade 1 hormone receptive  DCIS, ATDH, and LCIS. It was caught very early. I was very lucky that the Phyllodes tumor had appeared otherwise it would have been many years before I had a mammogram. I opted not to have radiation because even though I had 2 children by this time I didn't want to rule out having more. I began taking tamoxifen.

I only took the tamoxifen for about a year and a half and ended up unintentionally pregnant and couldn't take it anymore. I was advised that having the girls (I had twins) was a bad idea because of the hormones invovled with pregancy. I pressed forward and have 2 beautiful little girls that are now 4. 

The first year after diagnoses I did what I was told, had the 6 month mammos and an MRI but after getting pregnant with the girls I became lax. I had 4 children at this point and one of the twins has significant health problems, I attribute to being on tamoxifen when I got pregnant.

About 6 months ago I started having pain in my left breast (the breast the tumor and DCIS was) I went to the doctor and got a lecture about not being there in so long. He sent me for a mammo and ultrasound. The findings were of a cyst, but given my history he wanted a biopsy. I made the appointment but then hurricane Sandy came along and there was no power. I then never called back for a new appointment. The pain has continued in my breast and has moved to my shoulder. I do not discuss any of this with anyone and never have. People either look at you like they feel sorry for you or they don't understand but pretend they do. My husband doesn't get it at all and my mother just gets spastic and encourages me to fell sorry for myself. I finally rescheduled the biopsy for May 6th.

In the mean time my mother had her regular mammogram and the found two clusters of micro calcifications. She has a consultation on May 7th and will schedule a biopsy at that time. She is driving me crazy. No matter what I try to say to her she is certain this is it, she has breast cancer and is going to die. She was with me at both surgeries and knows full well that DCIS is not a death sentence but just won't listen. I certainly can not express any fear to her for myself or her at this point because I am sure it will send her off the deep end. At this point I am just angry at the entire situation!

I apologize for the ranting, I guess the question is has anyone had pain that indicated recurring DCIS? and how do you help your mother deal with a possible diagnosis it you are waiting on your own?

sunshinegal

Hi twoplustwins,

I can appreciate how maddening it is to be facing a possible recurrence, as well as a family member potentially also headed down this path.

I wonder if it would help you to have an outlet you can discuss this with - a therapist, maybe? I think I've done damage to myself by not really dealing with my feelings about having cancer.

As for your mother, I wonder if she is feeling like you're invalidating her concern? It's one thing to try to help your mom put her fears into perspective, but to be honest neither of you knows what she might be facing yet. Yes, it could be DCIS, it could be less serious, it could also be more serious. Be careful of sending her a message that she should "stuff" her feelings or that her concerns aren't warranted. Remember back to when you were in that uncertain period of not knowing exactly what you were dealing with -- for many people, that's the worst part. Have a little compassion.

deb1973

I'm so incredibly sorry about your situation. While it is rare for pain to accompany breast cancer, I had pain and was diagnosed w DCIS. I am now recovering from surgery. As a fellow mom, I urge you to followup. It's prob nothing serious but you as the cliché says, better safe than sorry.

Moderators

twoplustwins, you can always vent here - this wonderful community really does "get it." You're in such a tough situation, but we're always here for you. The Relationships, Emotional Crises, Anxiety, and Depression forum is another place here on the boards where you may want to connect with members who have experience with challenging family situations around BC.

Best wishes,
• The Mods