The truth and family members...what to do.

Europa

Hello, and i guess i dont know where to start.  I have just been diagnosed as stage lV and my parents just dont get it.  They ask how I am, if I say anything but ok then they have a problem... My mom is so in denial she has even hung up on me for telling her the truth about how i feel and how i am getting my ps and qs in order so to speak.  I just dont know what to do and it is causing me undo stress to say the least.  I cant quit crying over this. OMG what can I do???

Moderators

Europa, we're sorry you're dealing with this diagnosis without the support you hoped for from your immediate family. You'll hear from other members about their experiences, and there is also information at the main Breastcancer.org site in the Talking to Your Family and Friends About Breast Cancer section.

This wonderful community is one place you can get support from others who understand exactly what you're going through; they've been there. You might want to post in the Stage IV forum too, to get their unique perspective.

Best wishes,

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new_direction

My heart goes out to you and others who feel this way... I suspect most of us - no matter what stage - have come across family members for whom the truth is too painful (for them). I think many non-cancer people automatically think "death" when they hear the word cancer. Ive caught several people around me with mind-slipping "IF you are going to beat this..." and so on. I know there are no guarentees, that goes for all of us, cancer or no cancer. But no matter what stage, this diagnosis does not mean we will drop dead tomorrow.

I understand our surroundings might be shocked just as we are ourselves when we get the diagnosis... Unfortunately many dont put the feelings aside and learn what this actually means. They keep on seing us as walking dead. Because of fear or indifference some dont come forward. However - Ive been surprised by others whom Id never expected would have been so warm and caring... Its painful to feel rejected, but I think some of them are more afraid than indifferent.

Ive found relaxation techniques helpful. And talking about the disease whenever I feel.
Best wishes. 

Lily55

Sorry you are struggling and feeling isolated but stage IV is not añ immediate death sentence you know - i have friends who lasted nearly 10 years for one person and well over 15 years for another....and your parents will need time, let them come to terms with it in their own time..../p>

itsjustme10

Your parents are probably deliberately not getting it.  THey're your parents - you're their baby.  They aren't stupid, and they're probably praying that they go before you do, because no parent wants to think about out-living their child. 

There's really not much you can do, because it's their coping mechanism.  You probably should speak to someone professionally, who will listen to you, so you can get all your anger out about the situation you are in.  That way when you speak to your parents, you don't have to share those details, that probably hurt them deeply.  If you were just diagnosed, you probably have years and years of stability ahead of you...you should read the Stage IV forums - some of those ladies have been in treatment for close to a decade.

I'm sorry for your diagnosis, and I hope they can keep it under control for a really long time.

Racy

I am so sorry to read this and I don't excuse your parents' behaviour at all.



You need to do what is right for you. That may mean not calling your parents for a while if it causes you hurt or stress talking to them.



They need to come to terms with this situation and realise how hard it is for you.



I hope you have other close family and friends who are truly there for you. Spend your time with those who will care and support you. That is what you need and deserve, not rejection.

Europa

Thanks to all of you for your warm responses.  I was going thru a dark point...pity party for myself...and my family didnt even call to check up on me.  I mean it was over a week, I could have died for all they knew.  I realize that my mom is trying to deal this in her own way but it still hurts.  I am just grateful that I found this forum.  I dont post much, but read here most every day.

Thank you and hugs to all.