My mom's breast cancer has spread. I am terrified.

kimberlybimberly

Hello, I am new to this website. I have just been trying to find others who can relate to what I am going through.

Two years my mom was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer. She had a double mastecomy about about two months of chemotherapy. They said her margins were clear and her lymphnodes tested negative. She was good for awhile...then she started having pain in her back and a lot of coughing. They also found a pea sized lumped under her arm. They removed it and tested, it was malignant. They then did a full body scan. We had to wait a week for the results. Yesterday we got them...the cancer has spread to her bones (hip, right leg, ribs, spine), lungs, and a mass is growing where her uterus used to be - she had a hysterectomy a year ago. I knew the results weren't going to be good...but we were not expecting something this bad. They are going to get her started on chemotherapy again next week.

I am absolutely terrifed. Just three weeks ago my grandmother passed away from leukemina, now this. We have had barely any time to catch   our breath from losing my grandma, my mom's mom...they were so close, but my mom keeps saying that in a way, she is glad that my grandmother isn't here to see all of this... My mom is only 48 years old. I am trying so hard to stay strong for her, but inside my anxiety and depression is spiraling out of control. I have been thinking about quitting my job for awhile, but everyone, my mom included, says we need to stay busy and go on with our daily routines.

I am so worried. Every second of the day. My brother, who struggles with drug and alcohol addiction, is almost 1 year sober. I am worried this is going to send him over the edge. My sister has multiple sclerosis and I am worried about her health. My dad...my poor dad. He is working two jobs to help with the medical bills. My mom keeps saying that everything happens for a reason.

Last night, I had a dream that I saw my grandmother, and she told me that my mom is going be okay. She told me she misses me and loves me. She was with my grandpa, who passed away 7 years ago. They were so happy together...I don't know what the dream meant, but I told my mom. We both just cried and hugged each other. I am trying hard to hold onto any faith I have left...

The doctors say that people have gotten through this, and although the chemo may not cure it, it will shrink the tumors.

I feel helpless, lost, confused, angry, frustrated.

Lily55

You poor thing - i would feel totally overwhelmed in your shoes but as I am on the outside I hope I can be of some practical help

1.  Don´t quit your job but let your boss know how ill your Mum is and ask if he or she will be understanding if you need to work flexible or shorter hours for a few weeks .....

2. Make sure your brother tells his sponsor about things and gets extra support - he is responsible for his life, not you and to stay sober he needs to ensure he gets the support he needs.

3. Can you find a counsellor to talk to as you have a lot of loss and adjustment to deal with, and these are all things high on the stress scale, too much for any human to do alone......and of course we are here too

4.  Trust your dreams - when I was a teenager I ahd a dream like that when I was very ill and my grandmother came to me in a dream and said I would get through it and be fine and I was............

5. Tell your Mum you want to support her but you want her to tell you what support she needs - and if she doesn´t then you will just guess it but you would prefer her to tell you what she really needs - nothing is not an acceptable reply

6. Join the carers section of this community as well as stay in touch with us - your family is lucky to have someone as caring as you but you can only be a good carer if you look after yourself first.....

Take care, hope this helps a bit

Moderators

Hi Kimberly,

We too are so sorry you, your mom, and family are going through this...

As Lily points out, the Caregivers forum may be a good place for you to meet others who can share their experiences with you and vice versa.

We hope this helps!

--The Mods

kimberlybimberly

Thank you so much. 

xo.

46andsingle

I am so sorry.