Young and quiet

Tmorrison9

Hey so I'm 21 I just had bilateral prophylactic masectomy on 2/4 and I was going to go back to work today and my boss called and scheduled me for a 70 hour week . My first week back. I agreed relectuantly and then 15 mins before my shift called and told them I wasn't ready. I started shaking and crying and hyperventilating and it was just a mess. I've yet to rele talk to anybody about all that's going on cause I feel like all I get is sympathy and I don't want that. I am a caretaker and am new to needing to be taken care of too . I've not worked since October 2012 because of other health issues going on. I have a long history of bi polar and depression . I went to psych ward in October after trying to kill myself and I haven't been right since . Although I'm on anti depressant pain pills and sleepin pills I still don't sleep bout 2 or 3 hours a night and my family is tryin to be there for me but there makin it worse .them giving up days at there job and there money to help me makes me feel horrible and I can't talk to anyone and feel comfortable cause I don't think they will understand and I don't wanna stress them out more . But I know I need to vent and get things out to somebody atleast . Does the depression after surgery just get worse ? I feel like I haven't dealt with it yet but I need to and I'm not sure how ?? I'm hoping maybe someone on here had previous depression before the surgery Nd all and how they coped would be wonderful . Cause I know myself and I know what I can handle and I know when to ask for help and I am to the point that things are gonna get worse if I don't reach out to someone and were I have attempted suicide multiple times before I am trying to stop before I get to that point again . So thanks for listening and helping . No worries thou guys not planning to kill myself so don't get me wrong i just know I've gone there before and I don't wanna go there again.

cathy1968

Hi Tmorrison9, so sorry to hear that you're going thru this!!

You're not even a month past your surgery, so don't be hard on yourself for being so upset, it's totally normal.

In answer to your question, I didn't have depression before the surgery, (so I'm not sure how helpful my response is) but I sure did after the surgery.  It's a big adjustment and it takes (I found anyway) several months to get back to normal...and then sometimes you get blue again for a while...and then with more time you feel better...it's kind of a bumpy ride.

There is good info on this site about the depression related to bc; you may also want to look at the forums for young women dealing with this, or any forums that you relate to.  Many have said how these forums have been an emotional life saver, I certainly have found that to be true!

Hopefully someone with more similar experience will be along soon and will be of more help...in the meantime (((hugs))) and kind thoughts being sent your way.