Lumpectomy Lounge....let's talk!

april25

Hormonal changes have got to be tough. I mean, monthly periods can cause people to have crying jags and mood swings, so all this stuff with cancer and treatments and real life problems--that's just got to be a big factor. I think doctors need to really be trying to make sure to treat that, too...

I have a port and the seatbelt/shoulder-belt totally hits it. I bought one of those padded seatbelt things that go on with velcro. It works pretty well, but I have to remember that it doesn't always allow the seatbelt to retract easily-- I've slammed the seatbelt in the door a few times, but I think I've got the idea now because it hasn't happened recently!

My last radiation boost (of 28 + 8 boosts) will be tomorrow! Yay!!! They have been asking me what I will do to celebrate, and I have no idea. Now I worry about all the stuff I've had on hold since November when I was DXd (like housework and repairing the skylight and bills and stuff I was ignoring because I've mostly been at my sister's house during all these treatments)-- so it's no so much a celebration as a kind of return to every-day worries, which is both good and bad!

As far as rads and breast pain... I'm haven't had much pain from anything really, the LX or the rads. It felt as if the rads made the seromas get harder in the area where my tumor was excised--but that could have just been something that happened anyway! My LX was May 8 and that area still has hard lumps--nothing obvious... I can just feel them when I run my hands over them (apply all the creams I need to put on to keep things moisturized due to the RT).

My RO, when I met with him once a week, always asked if I had any pain, so I'm guessing that pain could happen! I've been very lucky, though, with the RT--I got red at around #20... but didn't blister at all. After the regular treatments stopped, most of the area started healing--going brown instead of red, and it's even fading a bit, one week later, so I'm hoping for the best. The boosts have made the area around my tumor red, which is what they were trying to focus on. They told me it would peel, but so far it hasn't (but things can still progress after treatment stops, so we'll see!). I worried my incision would be affected, but it's actually looking better now at the end of rads. I think all the creams and rubbing it on has helped. It looked sunken in at the beginning, but now looks more even and the actual scar looks better, too (less dark, and thinner than it was).

My SNB incision still looks sunken in and pretty obvious, though. I'd been putting lotions it that area, too, but it hasn't seemed to helped as much. But the state of my lx incision has given me hope that it will get better eventually. I'll try and remember to keep putting stuff like Mederma on it (now that I have tons of creams left over from RT, I can use that, too).

Telling people... I have been letting people know about my BC on FB. I'm usually very private, but I had neoadjuvent chemo and being out of things for months and months (pretty much since November!) and having all my hair fall out and losing 30lbs... It's not something I could hide, so I just spammed it in hopes I wouldn't get a lot of weird questions. That said... I'm still not sure I've processed the whole "I've got cancer" thing! I can say it now (took a long while to be able to even talk about it!), but wow, I sure don't want to really think about it too much!

I don't have kids. That is a much tougher situation when it comes to telling people. I have been staying with my sister and my 16 year old nephew... but luckily I can leave it up to my sister as to how to deal with him, and I'm not his mom, so it's probably a bit less scary for him. I feel lucky I don't have to worry about kids... on the other hand-- you all know you are lucky to have those kids, even as difficult as this is, so these issues are just the tough things that life makes us deal with, I guess! It sounds as if you are all doing the best you can. And it's so great to have this place and these people to howl and cry... and celebrate things with.

I still have Herceptin infusions every three weeks for a year, and 5 years of hormonal stuff... so it continues, but I do feel like there's a big light at the end of the tunnel that I'm going out into after my RT ends! I'm sorry to hear about some of the unhappy path reports, here, but I know you will all eventually get to the point where the surgeries and major treatments are done, even though that point can seem so very far away at times.

PontiacPeggy

Vicks1960, the only out of pocket expenses I've had through all this have been my prescription copays. I love Medicare! Some good things DO happen when you are over 65!!

HUGS!

123JustMe

Not in prime time for Medicare....10 year waiting period for me!

PontiacPeggy

April, YEAH for being almost done with your rads!! At some places they ring a bell. Not at mine. They gave me a certificate. I didn't think I would get emotional at that last session but I did. The staff had been so caring and supportive, not just of my cancer, but of my DH who was extremely sick with pneumonia in the hospital for 3 weeks of my rads. Glad that you've done well with the rads and not much in the way of SEs.

With all that you've been through, it's possible that you'll feel a bit adrift, that you aren't doing anything to fight your cancer (the AIs or tamoxifen will certainly help there).

I really don't look that closely at my SNB incision. It's there and it still manages to be annoying. I don't think it's sunken. I haven't put a thing on it. I did use Aquaphor starting about halfway through my rads. And sometimes I use it now if I remember.

It will be nice for you to get home. Try to remember that you are still healing from everything you've gone through along with the radiation fatigue. So don't try to accomplish your to-do list in one weekend! Just enjoy being home,

Congratulations on being darned near done!

HUGS!

PontiacPeggy

123JustMe, that's some waiting period It'll go fast.

HUGS!

Ringelle

I'm just checking in so ya'll don't think I've fallen off the face of the earth again! I've been in a rather crappy mood today. I emailed my surgeon this morning and committed to the BMX and then said I'd see him later this week at my post-op/pre-op! I'm pretty sure my BS was responding to the 2nd half of my message when he wrote "Sounds Great! See you then!" Nope - doesn't sound great to me! Sounds crappy to me - but then again so do all the other options! Still writing that I'm all in for a BMX still sounds unreall! I keep asking myself "How did we get here?" for something that was so seemingly straight forward. This whole process sucks!!!! Most days I keep my head up, stay positive and do what I have to do. Essentially I've got one week and one day left before surgery and I've got so much work to do for the new school year to start! This whole summer has been DCIS time for me - two weeks at a time! I'm so behind and kept thinking I'd have time to catch up between surgery and radiation! Now I'm looking at not being back to work until just before the school year starts. This means I have to have things in place before surgery! I'm sorry but I'm so overwhelmed! I have to interview and hire 5 people!!!! There isn't anyone else who can do this! The hardest part is I don't even want to be at work. I want to be at home with my daughter and with friends getting ready physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally as ready as I can for this surgery. My BS says I should be able to return to work in 10 days! I haven't seen too many ladies go back to work that soon after a BMX. I was back to work after my LX after 4 days but for the first 2 days back I was pretty worthless. I worry that my BS has down played the recovery time. I don't know. I'm sure tomorrow will be better! I just wish I didn't have to be at work until after my recovery. I can't concentrate! This was the whole thing I was hoping to avoid this summer.

On a good note: I talked to my daughter and offered to take her to a counselor or to help her find someone to talk to. She asked to talk to my best friend who she's recently developed a close relationship with. My friend came over on Monday while I was at work and did crafts with her. She told me that my daughter ask her several questions through their time together and she was able to answer her questions. My daughter has been almost back to herself again since. I'm so relieved and grateful!

Thanks for letting me vent! I'm sure tomorrow will be better and I'll have a better perspective on things. Hopefully!

Ringelle

Molly - So sorry for your news. I bet right now you feel blindsided! Hugs to you! Just as you all have been here for me while I work through this - we will be here for you too!

Octo - sorry your return to work wasn't optimum. It's hard to get your head back in the game and I think our body follows suit! Every day will get easier or at least it should!

april25

PontiacPeggy -- Oh, I'm naturally a couch potato, so I won't be trying to do too much once I'm back home. That's actually part of the problem! I'll get nothing done, but I won't have my very good excuses any more!!!! I haven't had very bad fatigue. Yesterday I was tired, but today I feel OK, so it comes and goes. I've felt pretty good all through RT, but again, I'm mostly comparing it to chemo, which wiped me out at the end (could barely walk up a few steps to the doorway).

I'm glad to be so close to the end of RT, though. There was some worry of the unknown-- whether I'd get burnt or feel tons of fatigue, etc. Now that I'm through and it hasn't been as bad as it could have been, it's a great relief!

I LOVED the team at my RT center. They were all so friendly. Oh--I hope I don't get a certificate or party or something! That's sort of embarrassing! (I hate attention.) I ordered a little gift basket to be sent to their office because I really think they made RT a very positive experience for me.

PontiacPeggy

Ringelle, I wish I could just hug you! I think you need a good dose of sisterly love about now. It's been such a rotten summer and to have obligations that you just can't get out of, has to be awful. You'll do well. I have no idea if your BS's estimate of 10 days off is realistic or not. Be nice if it were correct.

I'm sure you feel relief that your daughter was able to talk to your friend. Good that she's back to her normal self.

You're entitled to have a pity party, rant, or whatever else! We totally understand and it's why we're here - to support you.

Take care of yourself. Do what you can without overdoing.

HUGS!!!

PontiacPeggy

April25, I'm also a couch potato. Give me my laptop, tv and book and my furry friends and I'm all set. I didn't start feel like doing anything until the last couple weeks. Now I did have a huge non-BC issue that caused a great deal of my problem. I'd put DH in a nursing home in November because I just couldn't care for him anymore. That was depressing. I have a lot of things I'd like to do around the house to make it more to my taste rather than "our" taste. But I just couldn't do it. I finally realized that in the back of my mind, I kept thinking a miracle would happen and DH would get well and come home. So I wanted everything to remain the same for him.

Of course that is totally unrealistic. You don't get well from Parkinson's. The kids know Dad doesn't live in the house anymore (and they're 2500 miles away besides). I had a "Dutch uncle" talk with myself and said, DH is NOT coming home, this is now MY house, not OUR house. Do what you want with it. I'm certainly not eliminating his presence but I am making changes. That realization lifted a heavy weight off me and I feel so much better. But it took me a long time to get to this place.

April, you've gone through your own hell. You have take time to process it. Don't rush into doing anything unless it HAS to be done. You mentioned repairs. If you can, pay to have them done. Just take the time to heal mentally and physically before getting back to the real world!

I think your RT team will just wish you well. Makes all the difference when they're good!

HUGS!!

gypsyjo

Hugs to you too Peggy! I know it took a long time to get where you are and you have come out so positive. You are an inspiration!

PontiacPeggy

Jo, it did take a long time to get here. I think the hardest thing is that I'm married but don't have any the of the benefits anymore. Just gotta play the hand I've been dealt which sure isn't the one DH and I thought we'd get. Thanks for saying I'm an inspiration. I just feel like I'm muddling through BC and life like most of us here. The road map was thrown away when DH had his heart attack 5 years ago and the GPS was turned off when BC arrived.

HUGS dear friend!

queenmomcat

Thank you for checking in, Ringelle. I'm glad your daughter's found some closure! When do you need to have the interviews done? Is there someone who can help you with that? (sit in on the interviews, contact people

Sweetmamaj

I wanted to say a quick Welcome to Bluedog before I crash for the evening! As Peggy said, we are all lurkers to some degree, but I'm glad you are here and out of the lurking closet . So just post when you are able, and know that we are here to support you through this difficult stage in your life. If you've followed our posts, you probably picked up that we don't judge, but have banded together in an amazingly cohesive fashion. I think Molly50 said it best when she said, " What a blessing to walk this path with you ladies."

Y'all, I have a brutally long day of work and errands tomorrow so may not be fully present if I do get around to posting. Right now I have to nurse this migraine and get some decent REM sleep tonight.

Hope y'all have a hopeful day tomorrow. Hugs and xoxoxo, sweetmamaj

PontiacPeggy

Take care, SweetMamaJ, and get some good sleep. GO AWAY HEADACHE!!!

HUGS!

octogirl

Yes, Welcome to Blue Dog (and darn auto correct keeps making it bulldog unless I put in the space... ). Glad to have your company even though we are very sorry you have to be here....

Thanks to all who encouraged me that work would get easier. I sure hope so, because if it doesn't I am going to make good on my threats to retire sooner rather than later! :-) And Peggy, thanks SO MUCH for the anti-SNB incision rant! It really helps to know that you hate it so much that you would actually use part of the F-word :-). Weird, huh?

I am definitely cranky tonight. Sort of snapped at hubby: he told me he would take care of dinner, then came home with something I don't ordinarily like, so I grumped before I could stop myself...and the really sad part is, he cooked a beautiful, tasty plate and I ended up really liking the meal. I felt like I had to grovel a bit about how the pain was making me cranky! I did apologize, but I could tell I hurt his feelings. :-(

Oh well, Giants just beat the Braves. 8 -3. Have I mentioned how much I HATE the Braves? I know I am supposed to hate the Dodgers, but I don't really (don't tell anyone). The Braves, on the other hand....Let's just say if my guys had lost to them tonight I would have been *really* cranky. So yeah, a win took a little bit of my crankiness away.

Hope we all get some rest and good sleep tonight and have a good day tomorrow!

Octogirl.

PontiacPeggy

Octogirl, don't put me on a pedestal! I turn the air blue regularly but hesitate to do so in "print."

You're entitled to be cranky. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Get a good night's sleep!

HUGS!!!

Nash54

Welcome bluedog!

plumster1

Welcome bluedog and I'm glad everyone else checked in! Hugs!

Molly50

Welcome bluedog, glad you came out of lurkdom. Ringelle, that's a tough decision you made. I will keep you in my prayers. I am glad your daughter was able to talk to your friend. Congratulations April for finishing rads! I am just starting this long road ahead. I have umx, rads and possible chemo ahead along with plastic surgery. I asked my BS about checking my good breast before we do surgery so she's ordering an MRI. I will feel much better if I know I won't have to do this again in a few years.

Octogirl, congratulations on your team winning. Peggy, just hugs for all you've been through. You really inspire me. Feel better sweetmamaj and hugs to everyone else. I am taking my daughter and grandson to the movies tomorrow morning just to get out of the house and forget for a while.

Tresjoli2

Molly I am so sorry to hear your news. It must have been a very unexpected fork in the road for you. But you got this girl. Don't forget that...

Octogirl I only made it a half day my first day back to work. Pace yourself and listen to your body.

Sorry I haven't been around much ladies these last couple of days. I'm experiencing some chemo issues and not feeling well. I will bounce back soon and respond to more posts!

PontiacPeggy

Thanks, Molly! Hugs are always welcome. I'm comfortable now with my situation but it took a long time to get here. But, as we all know, you do what you gotta do and just slog through it.

HUGS!!

PontiacPeggy

Tresjoli, I'm sorry that you're have problems with chemo. That sucks. I hope that they can be controlled. Hang in there and keep reminding yourself that the chemo is KILLING CANCER! That may help a tiny bit.

Many HUGS!!!!

octogirl

Good morning all: I slept very well: until four am West Coast time. Wide awake. And I usually have no trouble sleeping. Sigh. So, I gave up on more sleep and am drinking coffee and enjoying the cool of the pre-dawn morning.

Molly50, very glad you are getting the MRI, it will really help your peace of mind. Also glad you are getting out to go to the movies with your family. And yes, Tresjolie, pacing ourselves is important....I postponed my first 8:30 am meeting today so I could go in late (and I plan to leave early). Tresjolie, I hope you are feeling better very soon.

Ringelle, I agree: 10 days after a BMX sounds very short. Just remember to listen to your body; we all need to remember to do that, and you've been through so much already!!!; I hope today is a better day for you and I will be thinking good thoughts for you!

Hugs to you all!

Octogirl.

PontiacPeggy

Octogirl, and you didn't even have a kitty waking you at 4AM to be fed? Wow. Can't beat a California sunrise. They are gorgeous. I'm glad you are going in late and leaving early from work. You need that. Have a second or third or more cup of coffee to rev up for your day.

Have a smooth day!

HUGS!!

octogirl

Funny you should say that Peggy: When hubby and I got married almost 15 years ago, between the two of us we had three dogs and two cats (and I had two teenagers, so clearly the man is a saint or a little nuts)...but old age (of the pets) eventually came and went and they are all gone now. I miss them. And I've decided that a pet would really be helpful to me, to have someone who needs me and loves me unconditionally. And yet, I am thinking of getting another cat, and not a dog.:-) Starting to keep an eye on my local shelters...

Horsegirl

peggy: so glad you bring a longer term perspective. After all you've been through, it's healthy to let it be "you-time" now. Expressing yourself through your home after all this sounds healthy, and will bring you joy everyday. You are not who you were back then. Surround yourself with beauty and order that speaks to NOW. What a great way to take hold of your future.

Bluedog: hello! You are about 30 minutes from me. Maybe my virtual hugs get to you even faster

Back to work 10 days post BMX sounds tough. Would it be better to let the school get a sub and buy yourself some more time?

I can hear how much pressure everyone is carrying (me too.) Makes me sad. We are deserving to focus on ourselves and healing. If not for BC, then when?!

Sweetmamaj

Morning all. my migraine continues and i postponed my morning apps and am sipping double cappuccinos (love my nespresso machine). My 2 cats are sharking around, while the dogs are outside and annoying my head pain by occasional barks. I tried a couple of yoga moves this morning but wasn't feeling the love, so texted my best friend and got msg saying she was biking in Montreal with family. Can you say jealous, but in a happy way (lol)?

Tresjoli, I hope your chemo issues are subsiding, or at least your MO is helping with ways to ease the side effects! It must be so hard with all that you have to do at home as well. Big Hugs! Write when you can and know that we are thinking about you!

Ringelle, Urgggg, I hear you...there is so much to do and so little time. So you have one week before surgery. Is it possible to postpone the hiring for another month or maybe hire temporary help? When I ran a lab many years ago, I was in a similar situation with hiring, training, supervising, etc but was told during a followup gyn ultrasound visit that they were scheduling me for surgery THE NEXT DAY because of an ovarian tumor. I protested, got up, said I had to get back to work, until I heard the words "chemo" and everything kinda went into slow motion with the doctors speaking a foreign language. Somehow, my responsibilities at work were managed and I was able to slowly pickup the pieces when I returned to work after surgery. Lesson for me: I'm not that important. Correction: I am that important--co-workers understood that and prioritized for me. While the decisions that were made on my behalf at the lab were not the way I would have done them, I had to realize that they were not "wrong" or "bad", just made me grumpy because I was use to being in control with the "my way is best" attitude (boy, I'm glad I'm not that gal anymore). Years later, I still have to remind myself to let go and choose to have an "it's all good" attitude.

Can you take a mental wellness day off? sometimes, you have to use code (emergency basement flooding, child's doctor appt, etc). Any I'm also so glad you found a counselor for you daughter! Thanks for checking in---we are thinking about you. Big Hugs!!

Molly, sounds like you have a good visit with PS!. Have fun at the movies. Have you seen "Inside Out"? think it a Pixar film. Very cute animation about the emotions inside a girls head. I took my son to it on the day I told him about my BC. Although he wanted another moive, he conceded that it was "very good". And appropriate, I might add. Lots of Hugs.

Peggy, I kinda agree with Octogirl--you are on a pedestal in my book! You are so strong and so positive Thank you! and Hugs!

Octogirl, Glad you like the Dodgers. they were my first MLB team to love and I remain loyal (although I don't follow them much anymore). The Giants on the other hand.... well, let's just say we can agree to disagree! love ya twinsie!

josalive

I am new to this thread but wanted to let everyone know how my lumpectomy went yesterday. I have her2+ cancer so I did chemo (TCHP) before surgery.

I, like some of you, had the wire placed at a different location than the hospital. I arrived there at 7:30 am and didn't wait long before the nurse brought me back and took three mammograms. Then the doctor came in and did two numbing shots (one deep and one closer to the surface). They were bearable and not too painful. I started crying because it was the same place I had received my diagnosis and all the terrible memories made their way back to my mind. They then placed the wire and took 2 or 3 more pictures to send to the surgeon. They tried to pull the needle out but said my breasts were too dense and that it would dislodge the wire if she pulled it out. So they left the needle in (great). I was then taken to another room where they did 5 numbing shots in the nipple before they injected the dye. This was much more painful than the wire insertion but not terrible. I was then sent off with my images to the hospital.

I checked into the hospital and as I was checking in I ran into another person who has been battling breast cancer for three years and the tears started flowing once again. I didn't wait too long until I got checked in and prepped for surgery. The anesthesiologist popped in and didnt realize that repeating 'you're too young for this' every other sentence wasn't helping the situation and my overly sensitive emotions ( I was diagnosed the day after my 35th birthday). After brushing the tears away again I was rolled back to the OR. Next thing I knew I was being rolled out of the OR and threw up on the way back to the recovery room. The anesthesia had made me sick.

After getting cleaned up I made it to the recovery room. I was asking how the surgery went but nobody knew. They sent my mom and My husband in and they told me that both sentinel nodes that were removed had no cancer! And the surgeon couldn't find the tumor but removed a 3cm area in my breast and no signs of cancer there either! The original tumor was 2cm. They think I had a pathologically complete response to chemo but pathology will be the final say on that. Best news I could have heard! Who would have guessed I'd ever be praising my chemo regimen!

The pain was pretty tolerable with the OxyContin they gave me and the nurse gave me something for nausea as well. I rested for an hour and was then on my way home. I have not yet removed the bra they put me in or looked under the gauze but the pain has been manageable with Percocet.

I was diagnosed stage IV from the get go with a small tumor in my liver. I had surgery on that tumor the week before with the same results (no cancer). So I am hoping for a miracle that somehow the cancer is gone and won't come back but us stage IV girls know that the odds are against us. But onward for now. I will take NED for as long as I can and will finish my radiation and stay with the Herceptin and perjeta every three weeks.

I wish everyone success with your healing and upcoming procedures! This is not an easy road travelled but it amazes me how we all find the strength to do it. Stay strong everyone!

octogirl

Regarding code: When all else fails, there is always Aunt Sophie needing your help!

I loved 'Inside Out'. Hubby and I went and were the only two in the theater without kids....went on a hot day during that awful waiting of period pre-diagnosis and it was a perfect escape.

But just wait a minute Sweetmamaj: I never said I LIKED the Dudgers (sic). I just said I didn't hate them....:-)

I have to admit that baseball has been my favorite get-away- from- bc escape. Watching games can be done while lying on the couch. And a week from today I get to go to an actual, real live Giants game with my son, who I haven't seen since the December holidays (he is a doctoral student on the East Coast. I am very proud of him, but I miss him. Tried to convince him to go to one of the UCs for grad school but they couldn't match his school's offer). Can't wait to see him and hoping the Giants can hang in there through October (again :-)) to extend the escape (and because of course that will mean that they Beat LA! :-))