What happened to ME

Beckers

It's been a year since I was diagnosed. I've had so many life changes all grouped together in the span of maybe 2 years. This year I found out I had BIRAD 5 2nd MRI the day before I left OK to come to Calif because my father was dying. Then biopsies, confirmation of bilat BC, bilat lumpectomies, followed by BMX/DIEP, tamoxifen, stage 2 surgery. The months leading up to BC were empty nest, foreclosure, moving half way across U.S. I still haven't gone home to be with my husband, as my Mom has been sick.



I saw a picture of myself today. I've gained so much weight, look puffy, tired, bad hair...blah blah blah. What happened to ME? I feel paralyzed in this safe cocoon (my home). I need to get back to living life, but I feel like I'm stuck emotionally. I saw a counselor for a period of time. I don't even feel like doing that. Im taking Effexor. Is this tamoxifen making me feel this way? I have to get

over this hurdle somehow. Supposed to go back to work on the 28th. Extended disability 2 weeks ago so I can rehab to strengthen muscles, as I work with patients. I haven't done it. What is wrong with me???



Thank you for listening.

Susie123

Ohhh beckers, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now. You've been through so much in the last year with just the breast cancer alone, not counting any of the other stuff. Sometimes when life beats us down we feel like staying in that safe cocoon. I can relate to the aging/dying parent situation you're in. A week before my bmx I had to chase a Dr down the hall in ICU to get a direct answer about my moms ability to care for my dad alone when he came home, since I would not be in any condition to help and you can't cancel cancer surgery. My oldest son is in college now, it hurts to let them go and accept that they don't need you anymore. I too have gained weight with the lack of estrogen now and look different. I think the trick is learning to accept the things we cannot change and learning to be happy with what we have now, even though it can be hard at times, we are still here, life itself is a gift that we have been given a second chance at, ours was an early diagnosis. i know it may be hard to see that now but when your clouds clear you will be able to see it. The tamoxifen kills your estrogen, which as we know hormones, or the lack of, can mess with how you feel emotionally. I know you said you're on Effexor, but it sounds like that isn't working for you. Let your Dr know how you feel, maybe they can change to a different drug that will help. Some people have to go through several SSRI's before they find one that works. Ask your onco to refer you to a MD who deals with cancer patients instead of just a counsler, they would be more familiar with effective treatment. Most of all, hang in there. The big gray clouds will pass. Sending you big hugs...

Beckers

Thank you for the reply Susie. I just want to be on the other side. It's been a long year for sure. Maybe I will call my doctor and ask about the Effexor.