Being Strong for your Mother

TannerLane

My name is Tanner, I am 21 years old, my mother just turned 40 not but two months ago. Today was the first day of the rest of my life. She sat me down earlier, told me that she found a lump, told me she has been having it looked at. Turns out my mother might have breast cancer, we are not sure what stage she is in, not until after surgery which will be happening in three weeks. At first the shock settles in, the denial, both of us just kind of sat there staring at each other waiting for the other to laugh and play it off as a bad joke. But reality settled in and I had to walk away, I really didn't know what to say, or how to say it. I had this horrible pain in my stomach as I walked away from my mom, honestly I hated myself for walking away.

After spending about an hour or so alone, I went back to my mom, and we cried together. If you knew my mom this would've have been a sight to be seen. She isn't one for crying, she has worked with situations like these her entire professional life. She has been everything from a paramedic to a doctor. So see her like this, absolutely destroyed me.

She went to bed a few hours later, and I feel so emotionally drained that I got to the point where I felt empty. But something was still boiling up inside of me. This time it wasn't sadness, it was fear, I was the angriest I had ever been in my entire life. I didn't know what to do so I just started going off on my girlfriend for absolutely no reason, making her feel terrible about herself. I don't know why I did this, I just felt like I had to push my pain away, of course I didn't want to but I couldn't control it.

Its hard to be in this position, we all have so many questions that go unanswered. Its scary to think that we might be embarking on our last adventure or just our hardest venture together. My biggest fears were just put in front of me and I really don't know how to handle it. I wish I could be sitting here giving helpful advice to people who are in a far worse position than I am. And I am so sorry that I can't be someones shoulder to cry on, and I am sorry that I am hurting people in the process.

I am not looking for any ones sympathy, I just need to know that I am not the only one handling this so poorly. And ultimately I just need someones help.

chrissyb

Hi Tanner, welcome to BCO. Everyone, at the beginning, has much the same reaction as you are experiencing so you are definitely not alone. Hearing that someone you love is dealing with a life threatening disease is really hard to take but please, don't worry too much right now as there is a lot more information to be gathered. This will come after surgery and a treatment plan will be decided on once all the pathology comes back.



Right now just be there should your mom need a shoulder and try not to cross bridges until you have more information.



Love n hugs. Chrissy