How do you encourage your loved one?

manysunshine

Hello, first of all, my thoughts are with everyone here going through the cancer journey.  Sending you all much love.

My mom is stage 4, with mets all over the bones and liver.  She can't walk, and she is suffering from the treatment SEs.  She tells me she is feels very disappointed, she sees no point in continuing chemo, and she is tired of being sick all the time.  She sees no point in living. 

I try to encourage her but frankly, I don't know how.  I give her reasons to live, like being around for my marriage, watching me develop my career, etc.  I am hesitant to tell her miracle stories I read online about spontaneous remissions and stuff like that, because I don't want to give her false hopes.  I know the prognosis is not good, and I try to have a off-hand conversation with her about death because I really believe life after death is a peaceful, loving, pain-free one.  I tell her I will be with her every step of the way, but that doesn't seem to be enough.  None of this is making her feel better; I think I even made her feel even more disappointed.  I simply do not know what to say...

Does anyone have any experience to share?  How do you comfort your loved ones in times like this?

mgdsmc

I'm so sorry to hear this, my heart is breaking. I don't think there is a right way to encourage her. There are different stages of dying maybe you can read about them. Let your mom deal with her feelings in her own way. Just listen to her about how she feels. It will be hard but that's probably all she needs. Listen cry and tell her you aren't leaving her side. Remember she is losing everything she holds dear.



She knows you love her but can't hear it enough.

mandapanda

First, I'm so sorry you are going through this. My mom just passed in August. She was always positive, even up to the end. She probably helped us more than we helped her with encouraging. But, my mom would have moments of pessimism and I would just be there to listen and let her cry and then we would talk about what we can do and move on. I would just be there to listen and try and encourage through some positive thinking. I believe being positive was one of the main reasons my mom was able to live as long as she did. Good luck to you and your mom, I know it's tough.

Godspeed

Go to the oncologist, nerologist, and radiologist meetings. It is sometimes amazing to me what my wife (stage IV) and I hear differently. You can honestly reminder her of the good things that the Dr.s said. I agree with you that there is no need for false hope, but real hope can go a long way.

Listen to her as best that you can. She will have to come up with reasons for her to go on, not necessarily reasons that you or others need her too. Respect her wishes when she is talking, she probably needs a safe ear to listen to what she is saying. The topics will be very difficult for her to say, knowing that her loved one is listening. See what she wants and feels.

That is my two cents. I am blessed that my wife is in a good stretch right now. Oncologist meeting on January 2nd might change that, so we are trying to have some fun today.

I hope this did not seem too out of touch, we are all just trying to support our loved ones here, and I wanted to let you know what is working for me...so far. I pray you find the solution that works best for you and your Mom.

Godspeed

If your sister does share the report, here is a Great decoder of the lab report

http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/diagnosis

footprintsangel

I sent care package with funny cards and my dad like baseball

card, I would get things for him to do while he had blood tranfusions

word search and alot of love. I keep a dairy to remember all the good

times we had and I still read it, I help me to write things down.

I was with him alot too and alot of my family had cancer. God bless You. Debbie

Ps Going back to do prayers here, let me know and I will pray for

You and her too.