what to wear, what to wear?

cookiegal

Hi! Been a while.

The good news is that life is good and busy.

I have two new jobs. One it is much easier to wear garments than I thought, literally nobody has asked what they are even once. The other it is almost impossible. The "on stage" and "off stage" times are at much shorter intervals. If I get a sleeve on, I have to take it off 7 minutes later.

Unfortunately my LE is a little worse than usual for that reason.

 I am having a bit of social sleeve anxiety about this weekend. I am headed to a destination wedding. Normally I would not wear a sleeve at a wedding, but with a whole weekend of stuff it's trickier.

It's a pretty close friend, but I don't know many of her other friends well.

And it's sort of a wilderness reatreat sort of thing, with a costume evening plus the wedding. And outdoor winter activities. I am so confused about what to wear period, let alone factoring in a sleeve.

Luxury problems I know but...help!!!!

GottaloveNED

Cookie, I have had a lot of success this winter wearing patterned tights as a sleeve cover (cut off the legs and open the toe - I also cut a thumb hole so it goes down to my fingers. I have a gray/ black pattern one that everybody thinks is some sort of arm warmer... If you really want to disguise the sleeve- wear the covers on both arms...

Fitz33

Gottalove has a great idea there.  What I've been doing is wearing a sleeve that is so close to my skin tone that most people never notice it.  A couple of days ago I wore my gauntlet with it and for the first time a woman at the gym I exercise with and go to lunch with asked what was wrong with my arm.  If I hadn't had on the hand gauntlet she never would have noticed!  You'll be surprised that what you think people notice they really don't.  My problem is that I get really hot in it and that could be a problem at a wedding but you could give yourself some relief from time to time.

cookiegal

I really ususally wear black in the winter and hope people think I am avant guard. I have never been able to get the right skin tone.

The bride is my youngest, most fashionable friend, so I feel some pressure not to look old and square!

hugz4u

Cookie, Sounds like you are going somewhere hot so you should wear your sleeve or you will pay for it later. How about a light material pashmina thrown over your shoulders and drape the material over your sleeve to hide it. You will have to think about what will look right with that kind of a draping. A slim dressy pair of pants that fall easy next to your legs would work,or really dressy legging, tighty pants or a longer slimmer dress. I think a mini skirt type thing would look boxy, not good.

Sometimes I feel like just wearing a burqua as it would hide everything but our eyes. I mostly thought of this when I was in chemo balding but now I could hide that dang ugly sleeve affair.  Please anyone that wears one don't be offended. I am respectful of your beliefs and clothing choices.  I just think the burqua would work nicely. except for the heat issue.

Kicks

       I wear my sleeve and glove almost all the time - - someone doesn't like it - that's their problem not mine.  If someone wants to ask me then that's fine too - I can educate. Honestly I might not wear to the wedding ceremony or reception but other than that  I would for my health.

Is it your 'friend' who has said something about your garments or are you  just  wanting to pretend that you don't have LE to deal with?

sbelizabeth

Cookiegal, I wear a sleeve only when I exercise or fly--my problem is truncal LE--so I don't have much to offer here.  When I ride my bike I wear two wild Lymphediva sleeves and everyone just thinks they're arm warmers or sun protection.  Frankly, everyone I know KNOWS I've had BC so I'm not very private about it.

As far as wanting to pretend we don't have LE...well, yeah!  Just like I pretend I'm skinny, youthful, and naturally blonde ALL THE TIME.  There's nothing wrong with protecting your privacy and avoiding feeling like you're LE girl. 

When I first lost my hair to chemo, I wore my wig everywhere.  A few weeks later I was tying a ribbon around my egg-bald head and calling it good.  It just takes time.  I'm sure you'll come up with something comfortable that works for you.  Blessings!

cookiegal

Hi I'm back. Gosh after everything that happened this weekend, my concerns seem kind of trivial.

Was not concerned about what the bride would think, but meeting lots of people, I just hate the glove being the conversation starter. I feel like I am a glove not a person.

Ironically a very old friend of hers who I used to double date with was sitting next to me at the wedding. He asked in a kind of sassy sarcastic way why I was wearing one glove. This is someone who is a HUGE wiseass. When I told him he kind of started tearing up. . I had never seen him be sincere ever.

I did get kind of puffy, and have to put on the sleeve twice during the reception. I need to not drink and I had one sip of really really good scotch and that didn't help anything.

I did actually make a hair acessory out of a centerpiece, and that did help distract, but I kind of had to suck it up.

I give credit to those of you who are less vain than me.

My therapist says since I have relied on my looks my whole life to fit in, I get panicky when I feel like I can't trade on my appearance.

It's ironic that the worst part of bc has been the social anxiety about the sleeve and glove. I PANIC when I think someone might snap a photo of me in it, and weddings are filled with cameras. I am so glad I had mine before LE, I can not imagine having to deal with compression at your own weding.

I probably could have done just the glove with those cute leather gloves over it, with this crowd funky works, but my arm was bad, not just the hand.

Sigh.

Thanks for all the advice and have a good rest of your weekend. I know it has been sad and strange for everyone.

cookiegal

Hugs for 4, I totally understand about the Burqua. I seriously considered wearing a mummy costume when I wrapped.

GottaloveNED

Cookie, I agree about it not being a conversation starter. However, I work with the public, so it is what it is. I'm the only one I've ever seen wearing a glove/sleeve in my small town. If I ever saw someone else wearing one, I might just commit my own privacy invasion and say "doesn't this suck?"

BeckySharp

Cookie--Sounds as if you had a good time.  Great!  Actually I think we often wonder what others are thinking about us when they probably are not thinking about us at all!