STFU (Shut the F*** UP)

camillegal

These dogs are huge and I bet they friendly, cuz they all have a calm look---Not like some people--no names mentioned.

Spookiesmom

I'm so excited I couldn't sleep last night. This is almost as good as getting a new puppy! Ha



I'm getting a new car tomorrow. It's a CHEVY Spark. It's 4" shorter than a MiniCooper, really small. And I think the ca has something to do with my color choice. It's bright, in your face, never gonna loose it in the parking lot GREEN.



DH has been trying to talk me into a sensible small sedan. That's what I have now.



Is this the start of my "new normal?" If so Woooo Hoooo. I like it!

camillegal

Spookie I don't blame u one bit and whatever u get it's what u want and do it. I'm so happy for u. YYYAAAYYY

Spookiesmom

That's what I told him. I'm paying for it I want what I want!

dwill

Sas, Mary and Julianna and my other sisters,  I've been away for awhile.  I've had some truly dark times and had a hard time just getting through them from one day to the next.  I went back to work on August 12th and the first week back my PS overfilled my TE, up to 700CCs and made that first week excrutiating to work or teach.  I did anyhow for 3 days and finally went back to him where as he had to withdraw 50CCs just so I could breathe.  Don't know what his next step is since he gave me a three week break instead of two weeks. I believe I have two or less fills left.  I finally met my friend, he accepted my MS and me (he said we all had flaws) and he was truly becoming very special to me. He was still sick but twice he visited my home and we got alone like we had known each other all our lives. He made me feel whole and wanted. His last visit on the 10th of August, we made out, had dinner, talked  about our families, listened to music while chilling.  He was at my house for 4 hours.  It was doing intimacy that  he became very ill, again.  Netherless, he tried to eat the dinner I served, afterwards.   He was in extreme pain though and had to take pain meds before he could drive the 45 minutes back to his house.  Three days later he was in the hospital.  On or about the 16th of August , he officially had a heart attack and had to undergo a heart procedure.  We communicated by text every day and every day he would ask me to pray for him, he would tell me how much pain he was in, how weak he was and  just wanted me to Pray to God that he healed. He said he was never going to give up asking God to heal him.   I assured him I was praying as hard as I could for him to heal day and night.  He texted me yesterday and said he was still weak and fighting.  Today I text him as I always do in the morning but instead of him texting back, his daughter text me back to tell me that my friend had passed.  I am devastated, I had really caught feelings for him I feel like-bad things just keep happening. Did I cause him to relapse?  Is it my bad karma?  I left school//work once I found out and just came home and slept. I feel so out of it--so lost and hurting--just seem one bad thing after another is happening.  Don't know when i will be back writing on this board but I know you guys out care for me.  Will be having my TE exchange and taking off work from Thanksgiving until January.  Thank you ladies for caring and checking on me.  Much love to you all.  dwilli

ChickaD

Yay Miss Spookie on the new car!

Spookiesmom

Yep! That's it and the color. Not gonna loose it in the parking lot!!





THANKS

camillegal

Dwilli I am so sorry for all that happened to u in such a short time and meeting someone that finally made sense to u was wonderful but whatever has happened to him it is not u'r fault really, it was his time and u got close to him and felt it. Dwilli please come here often maybe we can help with u'r dark days. I know that pain u'r in i s terrible and your healing is breaking u down too. It all goes together, it's a very difficult time for u and to top it all u went to back to work and that is so difficult while in pain. Please don't curl u'rself up without hecking in after all that's why we;re here and we really understand what going on and we're safe here for u. We'll help all we can, I'm sorry we all live so far, but we're all together on this and all there for u, If u want u can pM anyone of us=Please these dark days don't last forever and if u need more meds to help u ASK u'r Dr. it might help too. Counseling also. Just don't blame u'rself for anything.<3

ChickaD

Oh Miss Dwilli...I am so sorry for your loss....my prayers are with you during this time...maybe he was to be in your life for this short time for some unknown reason...or to help you recognize you are a beautiful and desirable woman...inside and out...peace!

juliaanna

Dwilli, I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a bad time.  As Cami says, keep checking in and PM anytime you want.  We want to help.  

Veggy, How are you doing?  Do you have a new plan?

GMAfolelyontheroad, Hope your conference is worthwhile.  How was the bocce game?

Cool car, Spookie.

Greetings to all!

Wren44

Dwill, What a horrible shock it must have been. Please do not blame yourself or feel that your bad karma did something to your friend. I'm so sorry you lost someone you felt so close to. Please take care of yourself and treat yourself kindly. We care about you and know that the coming months will be difficult, so please keep coming back.

Chevyboy

Our Dwilli....  All I wish I could do is hug you right now.  I'm so sorry for you losing your sweetest friend.  It's all just un-believable.   To have been with him such a short time, and then to lose him almost as fast... I just want to cry with you.

It didn't have anything to do with you!  Remember how much you enjoyed each other?  He got to feel that with YOU too!  You probably gave him so much joy, with what time he had left....  Just because he was with you, didn't make anything happen. 

This was probably in-evitable.  When you think about it, it IS for all of us.....  Some just sooner than others. 

You can take a break from us, or even just from your work, but take a break from your hurting too!   Maybe God DID take him away from his pain.  Maybe that was God's way of "healing" him....  Maybe HE couldn't  make him well.   But at least he had that special time with you.

We can all wish we had done something different, or "had more time" when we lose someone.   It's always, "If only"

camillegal

camillegal

camillegal

Even tho it's not in person we're sending u a huge hug Dwilli.

Today is Friday eve and I really thought it was Friday--my days are so mixed up. All I know is it's still hot here and prbably rain tomorrow--so going out to me is not an option--I hate the heat.I really look forward to my cold flashes--how silly.

OK BBL

savgigi

Dwill, I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending big hugs your way.

sas-schatzi

dwilli, my heart bleeds for your pain. The short moments you had together were blessed by loving intimacy. You caused nothing bad to happen to him. Try to think of the opposite. He was seriously ill, but you brought something to the end of his life that only another human being can bring. Love. The greatest of all needs. With each text in the beginning , you and he uplifted each other. Your spirits felt joy at the signal of contact. This is true because you each wanted many contacts during the day in that time.

Then being together you shared yourselves. Even in pain, he wanted you close. One spirit joining another.

Dear sweet Dwilli, I lost my Greg 3 years ago August 20th. God took care of me and kept me safe. Prayer and my beliefs got me through.

God has a plan for each of us, we must trust him. Despair is what the devil wants, keep that door closed. I truly believe God wanted to give you both joy before your friend was taken to is eternal resting place beside him. It seems cruel now. I'd rather believe that God wanted your friend to know your love before he died. May be your friend hadn't felt love for along time. May be he had been distant from God for awhile, even though he was a minister. May be he needed the love in his heart for you, to unblock something between him and God, before he could be received by HIM.

I believe that at the time of our death, all will be revealed by HIM. I believe all will be frogiven if we ask for forgiveness. I believe that all those that we loved in life that have passed on, will be with GOD and waiting to envelope us with their love when we die. I believe God does not abandon us. I believe that God does not punish us by letting these illnesses happen.

Pray....pray often. With each prayer accept God into your heart, mind, and soul. Breath Him.

WE don't know God's plan. And it may not seem logical or just. Don't despair. Let God carry you for awhile. Continuing praying. Prayer and your belief in God will get you through this. May his soul rest in peace. Love & Hugs & Prayers (L&H&P's) sassy

sas-schatzi

Dear friends, for all that have written posts to Dwilli, I suggest that you copy and paste them to a PM. When she returns, it will be easy for her to know of our caring thoughts for her sas

chabba

Dwillli, SAS has said it so well.  Open your heart to God's peace.  He will give you strength.

Chevyboy

Sass, I just copied and pasted our posts.... "from the Hooligans" and sent it to her PM....

GmaFoley

Dwilli I'm so so sorry all this has happened. Just remember that you aren't alone. CyberHUGS.



Julianna, bocce ball was fun but the heat just about killed me. This is a partying group. Late nights. Tried to shift meds a bit. Just made things worse. Switched them back and son has come to the rescue and made an excuse for me to leave the parties early. Neither of us are drinkers. We like to socialize, but not til we hours in the morning. My shift in time is about 6 hours with this group. Going home tomorrow.

sas-schatzi

Chabba and Chevy

camillegal

GMA u have to drink to play Bocce Ball and I think most of us would have 1 or2 drinks and we'd be on the ground with th ball. U did good tho, especially in a lot of heat.

chevy I',m glad u did that--I didn't know how-Surprise, Surprise.

Shellshine

Just sent our Dwillette a PM.

gardengumby

Dwilli - hold onto the fact that the two of you got to spend some valuable thoughts and time with each other.  We all will go, the love we leave in the hearts of those we leave behind is what makes our time here meaningful.  You made his time here meaningful because of what you have in your heart. 

You didn't cause what happened to him.  You shared your heart and your feelings.  What better gift is there?  I so feel bad for your loss, though.  Treat yourself kindly.  He would want you to do so.

marywh

Gma so glad you had a good time. Today is a yuck day for me too. This is the eighth day after chemo and I still feel like shit. It would be different if I had an end date to look forward to, I just dont know if I can do this for the rest of my life every three weeks..Would ask to change chemos, but Im afraid theres not much left out there to try and even if there is it just brings on a whole new set of se.

Chevyboy

Your whole post was beautiful LittleGardens....  It's like we all feel responsible to help her!  Anyway we can. xoxoxo

camillegal

GG Tat sweet picture said so much.

gardengumby

Spookie - love the car!!  I've been trying to talk hubby into the same one!  (He's got long legs, though, so we'll see)

camillegal

Can anyone post a pic. of the car, I have no idea what it looks like