Love and breast cancer

Trina25

I am a 25yr old woman with triple negative breast cancer. I have always been patient when it comes to finding a mate. I have been single for the past 2 1/2 yrs. I am the single mother to a 6yr old daughter and before my diagnosis wasn't at all happy with my job and career, so I have been preoccupied and figured love would find me when right and I should focus on bettering myself. I've always liked relationships and wanted this but would rather it be right and wouldn't jump into a relationship just to say I have one. Fast forward , lumpectomy that confirmed breast cancer ( misdiagnosed 2x) Surgery for port , chemo ( 3 down and 3 to go ) , hair loss and weight gain and every other thing that goes along with breast cancer. But I'm concerned about my love life or lack of it, I've always been ok with being by myself but is it wrong to not one to experience this by yourself? I figured I can let someone in and don't have to do everything by myself, turned to an ex of mines. He has been in and out of my life for the past 6yrs we always keep contact and occasionally rekindle our relationship. I figured this was best because its a person that really knows me and isn't a random person and will genuinely care. It was going great til I recently. We are not together and I don't want that but I realized that I am an option and not a priority. So I am wondering if I am "settling" , I have never done this. Should I just take what I can from this arrangement and know to look for more serious love after all my treatment like planned or just cut it all out and just weight til it's over to find love. I've always know how important love and family is but after being 25 with breast cancer you learn that live itself isn't always promised and I also just lost my little brother in Aug. Live is precious , I don't believe I am going to die but I know I want to get what I am entitled to in life. I figure with so much going on , I wouldn't want a brand new relationship that will be too hard for the best guy. I have no issues with dating really, I am very open about my diagnosis and treatments. I still get attention if not even more because I have gained weight in pleasurable areas and even tho I don't have hair I am pretty good with weave and makeup. I just don't know if I should allow my ex to be there for me now and focus on love later with sum1 else who will be more serious and on the same page as me or should I just stop everything and find my Prince Charming when I'm done with treatment?? Like I said I know I am young still but this is totally different from my perspective. Normally women are twice my age and already settled and married. So they have that support system and love , I want the same . Thank you all for reading

melp27

im in a similar situation im 28 and have never had a boyfriend. I feel your pain. hopefully someone can help you.

Deyrl

Trina, what strikes me is that you are thinking about whether or not you're settling. It sounds like you know how to take care of yourself and you were looking at your needs and evaluating your options. I'd say, if you feel like it's a good option to have him around, then good for you! And if you need to make changes to your life later on when everything with treatment shakes out, then that's good too. The most important thing is to know yourself, do the best you can for your little one, be who is right for you to be right now, use your intuition, and don't settle until you feel it's right. Just because you were or are temporarily benefitting from a relationship that probably won't work for you permanently, doesn't mean you have to settle for it. It took me until I was 39 to "settle," and it can take longer than that, but at least my man loves me, turns me on, and treats me great! I'm sure somehing good is out there for you!



One other thing, I think it is smart to want to wait or at least go slow with starting a new relationship any time you are going through turmoil in your life. If you can get thru it without a relationship, wow! But it's totally understandable to turn to someone who is less ideal, but who knows you. Just don't get trapped. And don't forget, life can surprise you.

Trina25

Great advice don't know why I am jus now seeing this. Still not too much luck in the love life. But I am much closer to seeing an end date with this "cancer thing". I have my implant exchange in 2 months and I am really lookin forward to the new year as I should b good n well into recovery and I can start to piece everything back together.