Intimacy with hubby and cancer/chemo

Noranelly

Hi I was diagnosed. With breat cancer in August and am in the process of having chemo. Since my diagnosis I have felt very introverted and very confused about it all. It has resulted in a lack of libido and a very low self image. Is this normal? Noranelly

thefuzzylemon

This disease is taxing both mentally and physically. We all take unique paths and I'm certain there are more details to your situation. For example, I was sick as hell during treatments = no intimacy, but my DH and I fell into "life partners". After treatment, and a few pounds less, it was game on for a bit...mainly because of the emotions were more normal. Its a lot...A LOT. But, you'll find your way and your opportunities will be there again...have you and DH discussed this? Your healthcare team will have info and resources for you as well.

chrissyb

Hi Noranelly so sorry you need to join us here is this forum but glad you found us.

Lack of libido and low self image are part and parcel of this dx. With time it does get better but sometimes it helps to get some councelling by someone who deals with patients with BC.



Love n hugs. Chrissy

Moderators

Hi Noranelly,

As your fellow posters have pointed out, this is a very real side effect of breast cancer and its treatment. In fact, there's some really good information on how to help you manage this side effect in the main Breastcancer.org site's section on Sex & Intimacy and the page on Loss of Libido.

Sorry you're experiencing this and hope this helps!

--The Mods

fredntan

Yep normal.



I think mine may be coming back. I am 45, too young for no sex

Noranelly

Thanks for all your replies they are helpful. Feeling a bit more 'Normal', if you ever can ! My husband often feels rejected but my head is so full of 'stuff' I just want a cuddle he is trying to understand, but hard to explain sometimes what is going on in your head! Hope u r all doing well noranelly

minxie

My husband refuses all attempts to understand, just says it's all my fault because my libido started to wane after we had kids and now that's its completely gone, he says he no longer wants me sexually but does want other women. I wish I had a man who was less selfish.

keithw

Intimacy isn't like a switch you can turn on when you are tired and your mind is racing. Men need to understand that, and most will if they love someone. Don't feel guilty.

There are different ways of being intimate too, from just a loving foot massage all the way up the scale to orgasm.

The main thing with us is just to touch.

A million words can be unspoken but felt just the same with the touch of each other's skin. Love is the best aphrodisiac of all, and intercourse is not the end all and be all of intimacy.

Ninawriter

I was diagnosed last April. I had a lumpectomy the end of July and then 6 weeks of radiation that ended Oct 15. My husband can't understand why I want to continue working but don't have much desire for sex. Once a day isn't enough for him! Today he told me that he's tired of waiting and wants an "open" marriage so he can go out and have fun with other women. This revelation is only one of many issues we have and breast cancer certainly didn't help our situation. We've been married 21 years and that statement hurt me deeply. You can only imagine how I reacted and although I'm not in a position to leave the marriage, I'm seriously contemplating it.