Need insights for book and personal matter

cloguidice

Hi everyone! I am new to this forum. I am hoping you may provide me with some insights. I am working on a cancer book with an oncologist and nutritionist that includes a chapter about lending support to loved ones who have cancer. It is actually a book on nutrition, but there is a lot of other general cancer information in it. Anyway I was hoping perhaps you would share with me some of the greatest words of encouragement you received during your cancer journey and tell me what sort of family support helped you most. I really want this book to be a useful resource, including to family, friends, and caregivers, so I think it is so important to gain insights from as many people who have experienced cancer personally or have cared for a loved one with this disease.

As for why I chose a breast cancer forum, well my mother-in-law, who is a second mom to me is battling stage IV breast cancer. She is the reason I am working on this book. This project makes me feel like I am contributing in some way, even though it can't directly help her. I just hope she'll get to see this book, as I know it would make her happy, but unfortunately, she is succumbing to her cancer very quickly and I believe she will be in hospice soon. She started losing a lot of weight just a few months ago, and now the cancer is manifesting as visible lesions on her body, she is requiring blood transfusions for severe anemia every two weeks (though she'd really need it every week), and now has edema in her legs. I feel so helpless watching her and her doctor has no other options. They are trying one more hormonal therapy, but it is doubtful that it will have any effect. After that, it's hospice. She does not want to get a second opinion. I doubt there is much that can be done, but she has so many cancer treatment centers in proximity that I wish she'd just consult with another oncologist to know for sure. I used to work on some oncology publications and it was said that community-based oncologists are generally 2 years behind academic centers. Don't know if that is true or was some marketing spin, but still, it worries me that maybe there could be something out there that she is missing out on. 

She is such a wonderful person and to see her go through this horror makes me so sick. She has been so strong throughout this whole thing. Her strength really is beyond my comprehension. My husband and I have not told our children yet. We have two daughters, one in first grade and one in second. My MIL is one of their favorite people on the planet. She has watched them one or two days a week since they were infants so they are strongly bonded to her. I just don't know how they will cope without her. I also don't know how and when we should inform them. Obviously they know she's frail, they've seen it and talked about it and we've told them they need to be gentle around her (she has widespread bone mets), but we did not want to scare them and we really just wanted them to enjoy their time with her. I was afraid if they knew, she'd be bombarded with difficult questions from them and I did not want her to have to deal with that. I just thought it would be too much emotionally for her. 

Anyway that is all. If you have any thoughts on good things to say and/or do, and any experiences with when and how to tell children, I'd really value that info.

mandapanda

My mom passed away in August at the age of 54 and she always stayed positive even when we could tell she was worried with different diagonises through her 5 year battle. She always said she was living with cancer not dying from it. She lived a very fulfilled life except for the last month of her life. She got very sick, very fast! She also worked up until 2 weeks before she passed.

I was her main care giver because my dad was a truck driver.