How do you deal with life after treatment?

KrisLiz

How do you deal with life after treatment?

KrisLiz

Okay, so long story short, I'm almost 3 months out from DMX w/TE's and I just finished radiation last week. I have been very concious during the whole process of diagnosis and treatment that I've basically been ignoring the emotional side of all this because I just plain don't have the energy to delve into it. The physical part of this is so freaking hard by itself that I purposely haven't allowed myself to "think" too much about what has been happening to me and the difficult choices I've had to make. Survivor mentality I guess. 

Now I'm having a difficult time with moving forward. Or, more specifically, I'm having a hard time with everyone else moving forward because I'm "done" with the "scary" parts of this (except for my husband, he's been my life-jacket through all this. I'm so thankful for him and how he loves me). I still feel very much like I'm in the midst of this hell-ish journey, but my family and friends have very much moved on. I don't want that to sound selfish, like I want people to constantly be worried about me, but I know that there comes a point (for them) when this is all "over". And I know that for me, this will never be truely "over". 

How do all of you deal with the new reality of life after treatment? Have your relationships changed at all and how do you cope with the emotional side of all this? 

JRyan

KrisLiz,

This is an often asked question, as I think the majority of us have gone through the same thing. We are so mentally involved in the treatment that we don't have the time or energy to "deal" with it. Then everything is "done" and we kind of freak out.  I have been struggling for the past couple months with it, but it is slowly getting a little better. I have good days and bad.  My dr gave me xanax which I usually only take at night, but if needed, I can take during the day too.  I met with my therapist yesterday for the first time since all this began. It was truly helpful.  And I post here! The support and understanding of everyone here is amazing. We all know what you are going through... We've been there, or are there.  And Time will help - so I'm told

As for the changing of relationships - it's interesting how you learn who can deal with hardship and who can't. Luckily I only really lost one friend. My husband has been wonderful, but even he is getting in the "it's over" mindset. Most of my "talking" is on these boards! It helps when someone has been through the same things.

Good luck with your healing. Don't hesitate to post questions, talk about what's going on, and join in on some of the fun threads too.  It's all healing.

Hugs to you. 

likepink

I have finished my Tx. waiting to have pet-scan and starting on tamoxifen preparing to return to work with constant hot flashes, aching bones  and no sleep  I am not sure what to do I went threw my tx. with few side effects but now I can't stop crying tightness in ches,t unable to consentrate. my family have been so supportive I hate to tell them how Iam feeling. I feel guilty for complaining any suggestions

KrisLiz

Thanks, JRyan for your words of wisdom. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I have days where I feel strong, rational, and able to face the new reality of my life. But I have other days (like today) where I just feel sad and alone. I've been contemplating seeing a therapist at some point to help me deal with where my life is (add to breast cancer six previous years of trying to have kids unsuccessfully), and I find I have a lot of issues to process. Maybe it's time I look into that. 

To likepink: I'm sorry you're having difficult side effects with the Tamoxifen. I'm also on it and I've had the hot flashes/night sweats, fatigue and trouble concentrating (but that's also from radiation). One thing I take when I can't sleep is a natural sleep aid called NatureMade Sleep (I get it at Target). It helps my brain quiet down and I don't wake feeling drugged or groggy. Might be worth a try.

And I know what you mean about feeling guilty complaining to family about the emotional side of all this. It's like now that treatment is done they're ready for things to go back to normal. And because they've been so supportive, you want to give them a break from all the stress. At least that's pretty much how I feel. But I want to be honest about where I'm at too, so maybe I'll try giving honest answers when my family asks me how I am. Most of the time, lately, I've just been saying that I'm "okay" because I think that's what they want to hear. I think I might try saying "I'm having a rough day" and elaborate as much as the situation allows. 

((((hugs)))) to you both. 

JRyan

KrisLiz and likepink:

I am not on tamoxifen, but had my ovaries removed a couple weeks ago - so I know the feeling of the hot flashes/night sweats, also the fatigue and trouble concentrating.  My MO put me on Effexor - which is an anti-depressant, but has been proven to work well in controlling hot flashes (and being an anti-depressant , it has a couple other positive side effects!)

I have learned with my family and close friends that if I am having a bad day, I say "I have hit a bit of a rough patch today"  if they are willing to hear more, which I know by their reaction, I give them a little more.  Otherwise, I just go on about my business, then come on here...

I really do recommend a therapist.  I never really thought I needed one.  But it is really nice to have someone, unrelated, unbiased and trained to talk to. They can really help you learn how to deal with the emotions - as keeping them in is not healthy.

I found that melatonin works well for sleeping too. My MO said it doesn't effect anything else that I am taking, and that it is ok.  It helps the brain quiet down, a lot like NatureMade Sleep sounds like it does, without and groggy feelings.

(((hugs))) back to both of you!

LockeKopp

That is a good question!!!! I haven't had a life here in the USA before, I'm asking my self that every freakin day..... Now that my treatment is over. And I have no foxtrot uniform Charlie ing idea. We moved here in Jan. took weeks for the f'ing green card to come and even longer for that stupid ssn. In Feb. I found the lump and got diagnosed march 12th. I just got my driving lisence in Jul. So I was stuck in our f'ing house all damn year except my hubby drove me to the Dr. or chemo or surgery. My highlight this year was my awesome mother in law coming from Chicago twice, my mom coming twice from Germany and my darling sister coming to see me twice this year, she also came in from Germany. She left today :-(

Sorry for the vent.

Y'all have a nice night :-)

clickhere4dawn

I believe this is why this forum is so great.  I was eating lunch with my daughter today and telling her this exact thing.  We are suppose to be so grateful we made it....we survived and we did, we are AND we are sad, anxious and depressed.  I believe we are so busy telling every one we are "okay" AND we want to be "okay" but we are not.  We have changed, life has changed for us and yet now what?

I can tell you - there is absolutely no shame in feeling, how we feel.  I take the latest and greatest anti-dep/anxiety med called Viibryd and I don't know how I would function without it.  Yet here I am still depressed. 

My prayers are with you, please don't feel alone, don't deny your feelings and turn to your supporters here.

likepink

 I am thankful for all the good advise will be seeing my MO this week . 

Elizabeth_D

I have been strangely happy during my last few weeks of radiation.  Then suddenly the night before my last radiation I started having an anxiety attack.  I have been coming in the last few days saying "woo hoo, only 3 more to go".  Then on the last day I had to have someone drive me because the thought of going there made me sick and I did not want to go. That was Tuesday, this is Friday and the anxiety is at a low roar, but depression has set in.  

Rationally, I understand how this could happen.  But I really was planning on being happy!  I see my therapist today, one of her specialties is dealing with trauma, so I will post anything helpful.  More later. (((hugs)))

Lily55

I too am really struggling emotionally, have had a lot of local people die from cancer too which is not helping.....but I feel deeply sad and friends etc seem to think oh well its finished, but its not, I am a mutilated person now, with yet more tests to have now as it seems there is radiotherapy damage so liver tests, blood tests etc carry on...

Further more I am stuck with an Oncologist I hate, do not trust and cannot change due to the health set up here so I avoid going to see him as it depresses me so much - crazy I know so don´t lecture me please but he is rigid, his answer to all questions is ok or not ok if you ask for test results, he is the expert and i am nothing and he would not even know I was his patient as he never even looks at me and i am a fool as I rejected chemo....yet my decision was backed up by another very well respected international Oncologist......in fact it gets me down so much I hardly talk to epople about it as they will all walk away as I am tired of feeling it so they will get tired of hearing it...its been 6 months now. of living nightmare.....yes I have coped but I feel so miserable inside like there is a lake of tears, but crying does not release this......

Scottiee1

Hi everyone...here's my story which might help some of you.....I too was focused on treatment and did very well continuing to teach each day then go for rads. My last rad day I left the hospital in tears!!!! That was the end of May....decided to try some retail therapy (favourite hobby) lasted ten minutes then started crying and bubbling like a two year old. (I'm 65) decided all this was due to being on Letrozole so tried to overcome it all by exercising, eating well and getting out......didn't work.....had two huge meltdowns this summer, in fact spent most of the summer vomiting, not eating, popping gravol for nausea.

Finally, a friend told me I looked ill and if I continued along this path I would end up in hospital.....lost a tremendous amount of weight.......sooooo took myself off to my GP

who immediately put me on an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety med, and I've never looked back. I'm eating well, starting to gain a little weight and have no more emotional

issues. I'm back enjoying my retail therapy and teaching. Hate taking pills, but if this

Is what it takes to give me QOL .....I will continue on them for life.

LockeKopp

my husband had to trag me to the infusion center for my last treatment, I did to wanted that chemo and I will never do that shit again. I'm glad it's over.

cfdr

I got teary my last day of chemo, after I was done with treatment and walked to the car. I felt like the doctors had done all they could do, now it was up to me--and the cancer--to determine the future outcome.

I am a year post-chemo but still struggling. Mostly fatigue, problems with mental focus, but some depression too...I think the fatigue is causing the depression but it is a chicken-and-egg scenario. I'm on lexapro, but that can also cause fatigue, so the cure may be the part of the cause. I am no longer dealing with treatment (other than letrozole...which can also cause fatigue), but I am still "managing" the side effects in that every day is a struggle just to summon up the physical energy and mental focus to function at a minimum level.

Everyone tells me I "look great"; only my husband knows how much I am still struggling. Last night I slept 11 hours, and I'm on these boards because I can't focus my mind enough to work or my body enough to go for a walk.

Not trying to complain here, just want to let you know that you are not alone in your struggle, and that it can drag on, unfortunately, long after you think you should feeling 100% better.

BilateralBeauties

The end of treatment is hard physically and emotionally. One of the ways I've battled this is to start a gratitude list. I'm grateful for smart doctors, early stage detection, supportive husband, my faith, my health coach. By focusing on gratitude it helps my anxiety stay in check. I do take an anti depressant since pre-BC and I know that helps too. Blessings. BB

Txgal748

Hi Ladies,

Glad I found this thread. As soon as I was diagnosed I withdrew into myself & went on auto-pilot. I just wanted the Drs. to take the cancer out ASAP. I'm very fortunate to have a loving & supporting husband. He went online & did lots of research, so all I had to do was listen. Fast forward to Sept. once treatment was over I started having trouble coping. I know my tumor was very small & detected very early & I feel guilty for feeling scared, especially since others have it much worse. I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have also been angry about the lack of a cure & October was terrible. I did not even go to a single football game to see my niece perform in color guard because it felt like all the pink was more of a celebration. Recently I have concluded that I need to return to some old habits because they should make you feel better. I downloaded Joel Osteen podcasts on my iPhone to listen to on my way to work and I need to start exercising again. I have also made a point of being grateful for the things I have. How many moms get a kiss from their 18 year old son for fixing breakfast & dinner. My DH also does this. So, yes everyone moved on just as I started to fall apart. I am feeling much better & I hope to get good news after my 6 month mammogram on the 17th. I'm grateful for this board because all of you can truly relate.



Best wishes!