Survivor guilt or just the grieving process..

mandapanda

My mom passed August 10th of this year at the age of 54 and it has gradually got harder emotionally. It could be the process or the holidays that are approaching.



But, lately when I get really sad its because I think of the things she's missing. I know her spirit is around and she's here with us in that way.



However, I have a 3 year old son and a 4 month old daughter and I think how she will not be there for all their events in life and I feel so bad about that. She was such a good person and loved her family so much. She was my best friend.



Maybe this is more of a way to vent and get some stuff out because I just keep thinking of how unfair this is to her and it makes me so sad it hurts.

link44

I hear you!! My Mom passed on Sept .9th of this year and I cried so much when her cancer came back and seeing her in pain. By the time she left us I was numb. Now I can't stop crying and question all that the Drs did. I am heartbroken to see my 6 & 2 yr old girls without their Nana. I will say a prayer for you. Noone understands unless you've lost someone as close as we have

Travelingpants2

You are both so right in everyway, you should be mad, sad,and every other unexplicable word....Its not right anyone should die of this cancer, its not fair, and you have to know its "normal" to feel the way you do. It not right!

Margi1959

Boy, do I hear that.  My mum passed away Oct. 1, 2011 and we've gotten through the first anniversary of her death.  Kept ourselves busy.  I am a little further along in the process than some of you, but it's still hard.  We've just been blessed to be able to buy an acreage not far from where she lived and there are so many times I catch myself saying how much she would have loved that we were closer, or how she would have been so happy of proud of us for doing this.  I know she is with me in spirit and we've definitely felt her on our shoulders getting us through this very stressful negotiation time of buying and selling houses and although we're really happy to be moving in to this next phase of our lives, it's so damn bittersweet at the same time.   Not sure I'm really liking this new normal.  It's just so lonely and unless you've lost your mum, there is no hope of understanding what it's like walking in our shoes.  My grandfather died when my mum was 51 and she moved to his area when she was 53.  I'm sure she went through what I'm going through now - I was 51 when she died and I just turned 53 last month, moving to her area.  Like I said, bittersweet.  I know they stay with us, but what I wouldn't give just to be able to give her just one more hug, or see that arched eyebrow pointing at me again, giving me "the look".  Time does make it easier, the crying becomes more often just a tight throat and full eyes, but the heart never really does mend, I don't think.