Boyfriend break up after mastectomy

saskie

Hi ladies, was thinking it was just me.  I think my husband has been having an affair for about 4 or 5 years.  He was not there for me after I had surgery and was in the hospital for a month.  He brought me home from hospital, I was in a neck and back brace and just left me to fend for myself.  Thank god for good friends and neighbors.  I have seen some texts on his phone and am pretty sure there is something going on.  He says they are just friends but do not believe that.  My job is doing books for him so not sure how to get out of this situation and still have an income.  We have been married for 21 years, and it seems to be how it is all affecting him, not how I am doing.

Myleftboob

Hi saski



You can do books for other small business right? Don't sell yourself short. Sorry this has happened to you too.

saskie

Thanks myleftboob, it is just the whole thing - I am going to counselling through cancer centre and doing meditation.  Have been told not to get out of marriage to quickly - get ducks in a row before hand.  It is all very depressing but am trying to work for it and decide what I should do and where I should be located that is best for my health.  Love being able to chat and vent here.

lilithmoon

My boyfriend ditched me 1 month after Dx.  At first he was really caring and attentive then about a month ago he stopped responding to my calls and emails.  He has bi-polar disorder and a bunch of really hard family issues (ex-wife w/ breast cancer), son w/ drug addiction, mother dying of Parkinson's etc. He just suddenly withdrew.  It's so, so painful.  We were together for 2 years.  Anyone else who has had this horrible experience?  I get worried that my emotions will interfere with my healing process.  I need to let go.

softness1

Join the club.. It's horrible but it does get better. It's kind of a blessing in disquise I guess.. Getting rid of the negativitiy to concentrate on yourself. .I just think that maybe they needed to be removed to welcome the real love of our lives!!! 

Sending positive thoughts and vibes through the keyboard to all of you ladies who are hurting!!!! I'm praying it gets better myself.. 

lilithmoon

Getting rid of negativity to concentrate on myself - that's exactly what I need right now.  I just wrote a letter to him saying I need closure.  But I think I can do it on my own now, I don't need him anymore.

softness1

I think when we break up with someone we put them on pedestals and temporarily forget the bullshit they've put us thru. I had the greatest "Waiting to Exhale" "Sex in the City" dinner with my 3 besties. We were laughing so hard over dinner, talking about random things we have dealt with. My cousin was bringing up long forgotten pain he inflicted on me. It was a bunch of " ohh do u remember that time u were crying with the ugly face because he ------" I been so busy wondering why did it end & wasn't realizing that it should have been ended!!!!! Lol. Hearing others talk about it was very revealing. I guess I dressed up his bad behavior but they were just telling it like it was and vice versa.

Myleftboob

Softness

You hit the nail on the head.  We do sometimes idealize realtionships for the sake of our sanity I think.  I'm glad I've had the "WTF" moment.  I know I ignored things that should have rung a bell over the years but managed to justify it away.  Particularly him attending family functions.  I have a huge family and there's always a get together of some sort happening all the time.  I know it can be a little much sometimes but he so rarely spends anytime at all with his (lots of baggage there). I was always making an excuse meanwhile trying to hide my embarrasement of attending yet another function stag.

lilithmoon

Same here. I made a lot of excuses to my family and friends concerning his instability. There were so many break-up in between - when he didn't know how he felt or couldn't handle it or was too overwhealmed with his life etc etc.  I was actually surprised in the beginning of my BC Dx how well he handled it, how attentive and loving he was.  But he freaked and ran.  End of story.  I was willing to put up with his bullshit because I thought he was "the one" and I thought it was just a matter of time and somehow he would get it.  It's hard to move forward alone with all of the emotions associated with our BC.  I think I'll feel better once I'm able to fully disconnect from him.  I admit to still waiting for him to see the light.

fynbos_firelily

Hey everyone.  How wonderful to be back.  I read these boards around the time of my two mastectomies in 2007 and 2010, and they were wonderful - but because surgery was (thankfully) the end of my stage-0 cancer journey, I got on with my life and drifted away from this wonderful community.  But I need some advice now from you please! 

My last two years since M#2 have been pretty brutal because I couldn't survive the (4th) affair started by ostensibly loving and caring husband of 31 years around the time of my second mastectomy.  He claimed it had nothing to do with my surgery, and indeed he had his own issues which he needed to indulge, but he admitted in one dark moment that despite my own happy sexuality, he couldn't really cope with my reconstructed breasts, and he had never imagined that he would be the kind of jerk that would leave his loving wife after breast cancer.   (Well, sadly he proved to be, but hey, it has to be said that the surgeon and tatoo artist did a pretty amazing job).   So we are divorcing, and it was a blessing in disguise. Take heart, you special ladies who are traversing these tough times.  The breakup of relationships at such times is truly awful.  But it will take you to a place of grace, strength and beauty in due course.  Believe that.   I am there now, in my own heart (and the view of all my friends).

Of course, I was terribly sad and even momentarily depressed for several months last year -  because I loved my husband/ best friend/colleague deeply, but I knew I had to climb out of this pit proactively, no matter how many times my husband's melodrama dragged me back down.  And I did some hard mental soulwork to get me 95% of the way to falling out of love, and a single session of hypnotherapy to help me over the final 5% of the rocky road.  It worked.  I have not looked back, and I feel so hugely relieved, set free, stronger, more resilient, more alive than ever.

My question is about intimacy with a new lover.  Does anybody have advice about how best / when to broach the delicate issue of breast cancer and reconstruction with new men?  I've been dating for the last few months, and (unexpectedly, but gorgeously) had a fabulous fling with a sexy Swede who fortunately had had his own BC scare previously, and was very empathetic.   But is it better to leave this kind of disclosure to later, i.e. in bed?  Or to be upfront, gently, softly, and take a risk?  As it's very important to me to find a man who is not superficial, not squeamish, not juvenile on these matters.   Advice please, gals!  xx

milkyway2

I was reading a book Up lift.i really want to share the words.breasr cancer survivors need to knw that.a womans life is so much more than the quantity and positioning of a little bit, or even a lot of flesh breasts dont laugh,smile,or give kindness life is the true treasure otherwise we'd save the breast n discard the women. A living woman is beautiful

If u already have faced your husbands inhuman behaviour you have to tell the truth in the begining and you can face easily. We cant afford surprises

Best of luck for everything you do

Myleftboob

fynbos

Great questions.  Very curious about that myself.  Anyone?

lilithmoon

I would rely on my intuition.  If I feel like there is a potential relationship, I would get it out of the way fairly quickly.  I've heard most men don't really care and some like fake boobs!  My bf returned but the relationship was complicated, so we've chosen to end it,  but we did have sex.  That was my first time after Mx.  It was good for me to feel desired but I sensed his discomfort with the breast issue.  I'm in limbo now, awaiting my revision (swap for a gummy in May).  I don't actually feel like dealing with the whole dating issue - I'm still depressed from the break-up and need some time to heal.

Myleftboob

Jocelyn

I agree with you on the men not really caring if boobs are fake or not.  I asked a guy once if he preferred fake to real (conversation had nothing to do with BC, pre BC dx actually).  He said he didn't care one way or the other. I know 4 women with implants and the men go gaga regardless.

Don't blame you for not thinking about dating.  You need time to get over the last relationship.  Mine has all but ended, just waiting on the house closing sale and we're done and friends are already trying to hook me up.  I told them its the furthest thing from my mind at this point, thanks but no thanks. 

Edited to add that with the super short hair, no TE even yet AND needing time to be alone (actually really looking forward to it) I'm hardly in a place where I'm even up to date really LOL!

lilithmoon

You sound like you have a lot going on and could use some time to yourself.  I'm going through a pretty rough period so better to be alone and figure out what I need besides a relationship. When are you getting your TE's?

Jlynn0807

Ladies:

I don't know where to start, or what to say really.  There are no words sometimes to express how sorry you are to hear that someone is going through a break-up.  A break-up in the middle of bc treatment/etc.....even harder.  I cannot imagine what it feels like, and I wont offer seemingly meaningless words to suggest it will get easier, etc.  But, what some have said, is true.  It is the strength and support of the people around you that gets you through the darkest days, even when you don't want them around, and wish the whole world would just leave you be.  I have also learned that those who TRULY care about you...their love will shine through right now...when you need them the most.

I was married for 12 years to a real winner.  Divorced, and raised my three boys basically alone.  They are now grown "little men"...15, 18, and 20.  They aren't perfect (none of us are), but they sure are good kids who know respect for elders, to say please and thank-you, and to love and forgive freely.  That said, I stayed single up until April of this past year.  I had the opportunity to remarry for almost ten years....but I knew something wasn't "right".  I met my current husband, and we married within three months.  We will be married a year this April.  That said, about six months after we got married, I got slapped upside the head hard.....with a Stage IV bc diagnosis.  He has been the most supportive, loving soul in the world.  I suggest gently that everything happens for a reason......he showed up when he did...because I was about to need him...bigtime.  Lots of men are scum....that's true.  Lots of them aren't.  We sometimes need to kiss a few toads, and then we find that some of them....just aren't all that bad (they may act TOTALLY different than we do, and you wonder how anyone expected us to live with them....but some figure it out at least halfway).  Honestly, I feel guilty dragging him into this world that I am in now.  I see how scared he is.  I am too.  I just wish I could ease the burden some on him, and as much as I love him, had I seen this coming....I'd of walked away and let him do the same.  Not because I don't love him...but because I do.  Would he have walked away if he could have foreseen what was coming our way?  I don't know.  I don't think so though....but we never know some things for sure.  Were the shoe on the other foot, I would have stayed, because I fell for him...in sickness and in health.  That's water under the bridge now, and we will fight this as long as my body lets me!

It's so heartbreaking to read some of what's been posted here...but that said, the men who walk away at the darkest moments, they are cowards...and you are truly better off without them.  People who truly care for you will shine through your dark days.  Lean on them.  It's been a rocky road....am currently going through chemo, and he is taking excellent care of me.  I'm very lucky to have him, and know that for everyone who walks...there is one who wont...and who loves us....sick, bald, feeling crappy, acting like a maniac, crying, snapping, throwing up, throwing things, covered in acne, the whole nine.

Just my two cents. 
Praying for us all!

Lynn

Myleftboob

Jocelyn

Hmm when am I getting a TE.  Good question.  I wish I could have had it done the same time as my MX but the surgeon preferred to wait as he wanted to get me in ASAP (had 5 days between DX and surgery).  So then I figured I may as well wait until chemo and radiation was over.  Turns out no radiation required.  I think I'll get the ball rolling soon though and get it done once and for all. I'm also considering a lift to the right. 

JLynn

You're right on so many levels.  I do believe people our put in our path for some reason even if its for the lesson learned you know.  Your husband sounds wonderful!

wintersocks

Lynn,

So happy you found each other, what an uplifting post.

Jlynn0807

Thanks winter/myleft.....almost didn't post because I didn't want it to sound like I was, I don't know how to say it, "gloating"?  or making light of the situations I've read about.  I am SO NOT, and I think they're awful, and to walk away from someone in the middle of all of "this"...it is inconceivable to me....BUT I find that I've really learned a lot about who cares, and who kinda doesn't.  People don't seem to know what to say or do around me anymore.  I haven't changed....but people just avoid you.  I found myself saying to someone the other day..."You know, cancer is NOT contagious...just in case you wondered".  Even went to the pharmacy to pick up a script the other day.  The tech is usually friendly and chatty with me.  Now, maybe she was having a bad day, I thought at first....but I noticed she didn't speak to me at all, and I suspect it had plenty to do with the fact that I was picking up steroids and anti nausea meds called in by an oncologist. My husband didn't argue with me when I said so in the car, so I guess it wasn't my imagination (he thinks women over analyze things...imagine that lol) and I've seen her since that day, and I think I'm right.  My aunt is a saint in all of this.  She says very little, doesn't try to make it sound better than it is, and isn't telling me "oh, you'll beat this and it will be all good" or "oh, maybe you should get a blonde wig and have at it".  Uh....it doesn't matter what color my wig is...I'm COVERED in acne and look awful.  So, no.  My life will never be the same again.  But it will be as good or as bad as I make it.  The first week, I think my husband was really concerned I was ready to just call it a day. Now, I am fighting it with all I have...but it takes time, and we are all individual in how we handle it, how long it takes, and so forth...and the people around us need to give us however long we need to decide how we are going to handle and fight this battle we got stuck with.  I do know feeling sorry for myself...didn't work so good, so I had to find another way.

Cancer sucks though!!  Bottom line. 

Lynn

Myleftboob

Jlynn

I didn't take you post as boastful at all.  What we need to realize it that we cannot control the bad behaviour of others and it's really their issue, not ours, even if its hurtful.  For me alot of the bad behaviour was really there all along but there was never a real crises where the relationship was put to the test.  Last night I actually got butterflies of exitement thinking about my new life alone.  First time I've had THAT feeling in a loooooong time.  So what does that tell me? LOL!

edwards750

I am sorry for you guys who deserve a lot better. Heck of a time to find out he isnt the one you will spend the rest of your life with. It is so reprehensible because we all know why they are bolting. They may claim its something else but the bottom line it is your bc. The ones who have already been cheating have a special place in hell. I feel the same way about people thinking it is contagious. They look at you like you have leprosy. Like any of us chose this disease. As women we have nurtered and supported and taken care of our significant others and how ironic when it comes time for us to get the same treatment...we dont. I am however, one of those people who does have a loving and supportive husband. I shudder to think if I was still married to my first husband. The door would not hit him on the way out of the house. He was selfish and self centered so I kind of deserved what I got. I knew he was a loser but married him anyway. 2 long years. At least we didnt have children...thank God for that. I do have children now a total of 5 and 8 grandchildren. I do think it tells you everything you need to know about a person when the chips are down. Its easy to be friends when everything is going great. Now my husband is the wait on me hand and foot type but he does cook when he can - better cook than I am by a long shot - I hate it....and he is very handy around the house. Roofing, plumbing, etc. People are constantly wanting to rent him...haha. You guys will be okay. Doesnt seem that way now but do lean on your friends and family and us...this forum is so helpful. It was and is my lifeline. Keep the faith and keep us posted. Diane

Jlynn0807

My...

THANK YOU!!  That is the word I was looking for....boastful!!  I guess the chemo is having some effect on my brain cells too!   As for your butterflies...they are telling for sure.  It's ironic, but right after my post divorce toooooo dang long relationship ended, I felt that....a freedom...I was scared to death, but invigorated at the same time.  Thinking to myself about all extra room in my closets.....so I guess I let it go on too long, as after I asked him to leave, I never shed a single tear.  I did meet my husband shortly afterwards though, and happily gave him the closet space...Embrace your newfound independence!!

Diane....you're lucky on the no kids with the first one!!  It is so much harder to "get rid" of them when you have the kids, and visitation, etc. and I remember when I was getting married thinking to self "eh, if it doesn't work out and he is as big a jerk as I think he is, I'll just get a divorce".  Uh huh.  12 years, and 3 kiddies later!! My husband is very similar, and I don't know what I would do without him.  He cannot do enough to make having cancer easier on me!

all the best.....

Lynn

lilithmoon

I think you need to share your feelings on a different post.  This one is for women who have been left by a BF or SO. Thanks.

softness1

It's so ironic this post popped up. I was just thinking about how this is the second time a man has left because of cancer. I had CTCL a type of rare lymphoma when I was in my early 20's... My ex told me during our divorce, when he got engaged to his now wife, that he had gotten tired of me being sick. He said he thought he had married a healthy m, young woman and I had become a drag.. yes I had 2 kids with him

Then this pass Dec right after my bilaterial mastectomy my long time boyfriend left.. At least he's not as nasty about it as my ex husband, but then again I don't have to speak to him. I knew him for 12 years.  The times he call it's to see if he has mail or to just talk... I'm like "why are you calling me to tell me about your job, or your mother??" I changed my number and I don't bother with him... I guess he got so used to asking me for advice or to whining, then but I realized that I'm doing chemo now and he has never called and asked if I was ok..  Initially I was broken up over it.. But in not talking to him and going on with my life, and going back to work (not having so much time on my hands) I am relieved.I knew we weren't right but I got used to him and just hung in there..I think I was lonely & used to having him around, more so than the in love thing. He was my companion.. somebody to go to the movies with, out to dinner etc..when he left I was like omg now what?? Honestly I was kind of miserable with him. The jealousy, his low self esteem that I was apparently in charge of lifting up.. ..

Wanna hear something funny...?? I had surgery on 12/12/12 & when I came out he wasn't there.. He told my aunt it was getting dark and he wasn't familiar with the area and because it was taking a longer time for me to come out of recovery he thought he should leave....he did come back later that night saying, he'd almost made it home but felt he had to come back.. BULLSHIT!!!!  I never drove whenever we went out and of course he drove at night.. plse... Anyway don't you know he got a letter from MTA. So I called him and told him it looked like he got a ticket in the mail.. He was shocked and asked if I could open it.. It was a freaking ticket on 12/12/12 and he was south of the hospital .. We live north of it.. . It was a picture tix.. he wasn't going home!! WTF!!! Lying ass bastard....Isn't that hysterical...it was like an answer to my prayers. I needed a sign.. He told a ridiculous lie and was caught in it..God don't like ugly

lilithmoon

wow - that is really intense. I'm so glad that you realized that he is not the right person for you.  That takes guts.  I admire your strength.  My BF took off before my Mx.  Stopped calling and emailing.  Took me 3 months to find him and confront him.  It felt good.  I'm trying to clear him out of my life and imagine a better person at my side.  It's hard to go through this alone.  Really f***ing hard. 

softness1

It is truly the hardest. My family is out of state except my aunt very helpful. She does so much for me that I feel guilty even asking because shes older and i need all the time.



Asshole left before I could drive comfortably. And when he was there he was nonexistent. My aunt took me to all my PS appts. She brought over food. My oldest was home on break & drove me too picked up my meds. That's why me & the ex had it I. I would be in the recliner struggling to get out & I saw him turn away as if not to see me. I was in so much pain. The first week i was home he hung with his "friends" at night Um hum...When he complained I lost it and told him to get "the fuck out!!!" Right then & there!!!!!



He now tells pple how I did him wrong etc. at first I felt bad, thought I overreacted but over the last 2 months he calls and reaffirm my decision.



It's been rough being alone & sick after chemo. My 16 yr old works on weekend and he doesn't drive so I lay in bed alone with a pail by the bed waiting on my son. It's horrifically but it makes it easy to purge his ass out of my system. I read pple complaining about their husbands being late to their appts. In like in both relationships I never had support. To have someone who love me enough regardless. I guess I don't have that "It" quality. So again I struggle alone. I have to act well when I'm sick cuz my son panics. It's just rough

Myleftboob

Softness

(((HUGS)) He is one heartless prick that's for sure.  You did the right thing telling him to get out.  I'm not in the US but one of the ladies I talk with on here is in DC and lives alone with no family around and she had the assistance of a couple of organizations that would help her with rides, med pick ups and even a service that she was able to talk to a volunteer with the same DX as her.  She always said that this helped her alot when she was going through chemo.  I would think a co-ordinator at the cancer centre you're being treated at should be able to hook you up and take some pressure off of your son.

As for the nausea, take your anti nauseau pills religiously even if you don't feel ill!!!!  I know everyone reacts differently, but you shouldn't have to feel so sick all of the time.  I know its hard being alone at this time during your treatment, but it has to beat dealing with him and his issues.  Karma's going to bite him in the proverbial ass one of these days and he doesn't even realize it.

As for someone not loving you enough, if you're anything like me, you picked the wrong guys. I'm no phsycologist (spelling?) but somehow manage to pick men(???) that are total narcissts.  My ex husband in thinkng about it would have NEVER left me, but he would have made it all about him and escape into drug and alcohol and do the poor me routine with his friends.  This one that I'm splitting with now after 16 years (we never married) is making it about other things mainly money, even though now that I'm on the other side of TX that has totally turned around.  Gee, I'm sorry I couldn't work to my full capacity during chemo, but yet I still managed to put as much as he did in the bank even so.  Good fucking riddance, I say.

Jlynn0807

Softness.

Sooo sorry to hear what you're going through. Glad you had the inner strength to tell the loser to hit the road, and not look back (that ticket story is something else)!!  We lose enough in having this disease as it is.  I have been told of organizations that have volunteers to provide transportation to appointments and such.  It may be worth checking into.  I know of a woman who is being treated at the Cancer Treatment Center, and they provide a ride to and from the facility if you are within a 30 mile radius of their location...for free.  I don't know what is available in NY....this is in Philly, but there has to be some assistance to you somewhere.  Or the American Cancer Society.  I think they will hook you up with help.  I've actually called them myself.  They have programs at local hospitals, support groups, etc.  You shouldn't have to cope with this alone, or close to it.

When I first got married years ago, I had back surgery scheduled.  I lived with my b/f (soon to become husband).  I checked into hospital, went through surgery, woke up...he was gone.  Later learned he had "gone to eat dinner....I was hungry...what was I SUPPOSED to do??"....with his then boss and his wife.  Never came back that night.  I should have known there and then not to marry him because who leaves the hospital before their live in g/f gets out of surgery???....but I was young and naive, and did it anyway.  Mistake.  My ex turned everything and anything into his own issue....very controlling selfish man.  My three kids have no relationship with him, want nothing to do with him, and yet he still thinks he was totally correct in everything he does. Sometimes, people exude such negativity after being in a bad situation, that they can't love themselves, let alone someone else.  He is one of those people.  I cannot even begin to fathom dealing with stage IV cancer with that man "at my side" or not!!  I dont want to offend anyone by posting optimistic stories here, so I will simply say that what goes around does come around.  To all of the exes who did the wrong thing, and at the worst time ever....they will get theirs too!

Please take care.

Lynn

softness1

Hi Lynn,

I have all of my chemo near my job. I live about 50 minutes away and I'm still working full time. I do take a few days off after each treatment. I do get a lot of PTO time. about 6 weeks of vac days I have 6 more treatments to go. I've been taking 2-3 days to rest after each treatment and our fiscal year starts in April, so my time restarts. I get another 6 weeks of leave on April 1st...It's rough sometimes but I have a 16 yr old.. Although he doesn't drive, he can sometimes bum a ride from a friend to the store for me. He can't pick up my prescriptions because of his age though..And he works so I am often alone. I hate having to work because sometimes I'm loopy and people ask me questions and I'm out of it. I have to sign off on items and once a girl came over for my signature. I tell you I just stared at her trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about.. I blanked for about a minute.. awkward...lol.. I wish I could take LTD, but I can't survive on 60% of my salary.. I have a son in college and one at home.. 

And OMG its almost funny what ass these guys can be. My ex was a martyr too. He was distance after my dx and I asked what was wrong, he told me "you're not the only one going do this. Hello I am too"  There I was trying to ease his stress, apologizing for not noticing, asking what could I do.. OMG it became all about him..  A complete mess now that I think of it..  How can I not laugh?? I sometimes question What the hell was wrong with me??? WHAT??? he added nothing really to my life. He worked, etc.. but I'm self sufficent. nothing in my life has changed since he left...Same job, same apartment, same car etc.. He's struggling but eh... whatever.. I think I'll just get another cat for companionship. My cat died 18 months ago and what I realize is I miss my cat more than I miss him...hahaha.. 

Ann

Jlynn0807

Ann..

Yepper.  They can be real asses.  My ex was from another planet (country really..just saying).  Had a very commanding way...controlling.  I had/have a bad back.  So, when I was working in the yard, pulling weeds or whatever...I'd bend from the waist because it was easier. Whatever.  My choice how to bend down, yes?  He'd say..."You should bend down on your knees....looks like you're sticking your ass out for everyone to see".  Are you frigging kidding?  Did you really just say that?  You know, come to think of it, what's worse....at the time, stupidly, I was flattered by it.  Now, I'd choke the ever loving life out of him.  We definetely evolve....good and bad!!  I didn't want to say "Oh, you're better off without him", or something stupid....but the bottom line is, you are.  Get the cat!  I have three dogs, and they're a pain in the ass sometimes, but I love them to death.  They are great company!  That you miss the cat more? lol....yea, that's a good sign you did the right thing!!

Being selfless, trying to make everyone ELSE feel better about our cancer....just a woman for ya!  Wallowing in how bad it's making them feel....well, that's a man for ya.  My brother, who I haven't talked to in forever, called me out of nowhere about a week or two after my dx....drunk off his ASS, whining and dropping the phone, telling me how bad HE felt that I had cancer.  He hadn't eaten all week, drank his meals instead.  I sat there in shock....couldn't believe my ears.  Now in hindsight, I should have hung up.  So, instead....I'm counselling him....telling him I'm going to be ok...it doesn't mean I'll be dead in a week, so stop asking me what I'm going to do with my kids?  Geez.  Really?  And no, don't worry...I do NOT want you a foot near them...so stop fretting that you can't take care of them.  I wouldn't let you take care of my plant!

Working through chemo treatments must be tough.  Thankfully, you are able to get a few days off at least afterwards...60% pay is not exactly fair, and it's been that way forever for std, or even ltd.  It's 10% above half.  Who decided that all of a sudden, we can live on that?  It's unfair.  I do have two "driving" boys, and as many gray hairs as I've gotten for it, it does help....so when your son is able to drive, it will make a big difference.  Even being able to run to the store for milk is a plus on a bad day! As for being loopy, well that's chemo for ya!  My cousin asked me what I thought of a television show we both watch.  It was on Sunday.  She asked I think on Tuesday.  I sat there, and I had NO idea.  Forgot the whole dang episode, and hadda ask my dh what happened?? You're not alone in loopyville!!

I wish you were closer..I'd be happy to help you out! In NJ...central...near Great Adventure.  If you ever need to vent or scream, pm me.  I'm off the thread's topic bigtime, and I don't wanna do that.

Warm wishes!

Lynn