Cancer with young kids / infant..

Bishops2003

I am 32 newly diagnosed stage 2 BC.

I have four sweet children ages 5, 4, 2 and 8 weeks old. I am still digesting my diagnosis and I am struggling with anger at the time ( not to mention the breastfeeding) this disease has taken away from them already. I miss playing with them. I miss bonding through breastfeeding my baby. Can anyone share with me how they navigated all there treatments with small children? I don't want to miss a moment thx

markat

Hi I'm so sorry that you have to be here.



It's tough with young children but if you have support (husband, family, friends) it can be done. My worst days were days 3-5 after treatment. On those days, my mother or mother in law would help keep the kids busy. I was lucky that mine were in school during the day so I could sleep. Do you have a support system to help you?

leftrightrepeat

My kids were little, too. As much as I hated it, I HAD to rely on the help of family, friends, and neighbors. I simply couldn't be the mom I was before diagnosis, no matter how much I wanted to be. I'm not sure what your treamtment regiment will be. I had AC x 4 and Taxol + Herceptin x 12 and it was rough. I needed someone to take care of me and someone to take care of my kids, particularly during AC.

You can do this, and kids are far more resilient than you think. There will be hard times, but overall, they will be just fine and you will be closer than ever to them once active treatment is over.

We had people bringing meals 3 or 4 times per week and I had help getting my kids to and from school/preschool. It was the only way we managed.

Bishops2003

Thanks ladies. I know need help and I have an amazing support system in place. Emotionally though I swing from anger that cancer is taking this time away and even jealousy that sweet friends get to have the precious moment meant for me. I know I sound ungrateful, which I am not. I truly am blessed with an army of support. I am just missing my babes.

Oh, I have 4 ac and 4 taxol, then surgeries.

Thanks again

ruffy

Hi bishops, sorry to see you here. I had the same chemo as you followed by surgery too. I only had one small child, 3, and a 13 year old when I was diagnosed. So its not quite comparable to your situation , as long as you've got the support which it sounds like you do, it's doable. Just some activities might change, we did alot of couch coloring, snuggling, reading. My husband would put her to bed because by 4 o'clock I was exhausted and needed to sleep, and yea. Somedays id lay in he'd crying my eyes out listening to them lead there normal lives. The anger, sadness, all of it....totally normal. You'll soon figure out the days that you are really low and you'll be able to use your support system for those days. The other days should be pretty usual. You'll be tired but functioning. the really good news, this too shall pass. I'm 1year out of treatment and our household is back to its crazy self - Thinkkng of you, any questions you can pm me xo

DonnaMomma

Hi Bishops, this is my first time replying on here, but your situation is similar to mine. I am 32 and have a 2 boys ages 2 and 3. I was diagnosed after i weaned my youngest, but I can understand the sadness you feel about missing out on nursing. It is sad. You can be sad! I assure you, you can still bond with that baby! Chemo is diffrerent for everyone, but you should be able to hold and snuggle your baby often.



I have been through chemo and am currently recovering from a mastectomy. I have to say, my kids did/are doing way better than I expected. They could care less about my bald head. It is hard for them

to understand that i can't always play, but they are learning patience and compassion. They are learning what love is all about. That is the good that can come of this crap!



Sometimes it is hard. I have tons of help, just as you do, but that didn't stop me from trying to do everything. I didn't want to miss out on anything either. But, you will get tired, and crabby, your patience will grow thin. That is what happened to me. I refused help, but then

became resentful. I ended up taking it out on my husband and there were times I would totally lose it. My advice...take help. It will make you a better mom and wife. Don't feel guilty about it either. I know that is easier said than done...



Good luck. We are stronger than we think and so are our kids. It is amazing what you can do when you have to.

One more thing...there are some good picture books out there that may be helpful in explaining things in kid friendly terms.

jenjenl

I am similar to you with a 5 and 2 year old and we were dx at about the same time.  We can do this together.  My name is Jen.  I am scared out of my mind and it's hard for me to even be near my kids without crying.  It's still so raw and I still have so many fears (mostly that it has already spread). 

My plan is to really lean on my friends and family - they will step up.  I hope my hubby's bosses will be understanding but to date have not been. 

leftfootforward

I was diagnosed in December of 2012. I had an 8 year old, a 6 year old, a 3 year old and a 3 month old baby.  It was a long haul but it can be done. You will need to rely on everyone for help.  I did simple things like move the babies crib into my room, let the kids sleep on the floor or couch next to me etc so that I could still be mom.  It is hard and it sucks.  Just want you to know you can come out the other side.

ShaneOak

Not sure if it's okay to be responding yet since I've been told I have "at least DCIS" but still waiting on biopsy results today for exact DX. 

I found this thread and the effects of all of this on my kids is what I worry about the most.  Mine are 9, 6 and 2.

Does anyone have advice on what to tell the kids about all this?  I don't really want to use the "C" word if I don't have too, but I'm not sure what to say.  I've thought about saying something about unhealthy cells in my breast??  I'm worried about saying breast cancer to them because with school and commercials and advertisements, all they will think is that Mom is going to die. 

They are used to Mom being up and active (us Moms run the household don't we) and even seeing me laying down after my biopsy yesterday had all of them mixed up.  They all kept asking what was wrong with me.  Even my 2 year old kept coming in and saying "Mommy okay?". 

Any advice would be appreciated. 

mdg

I am sorry about your DX.  My son was 4 when I was DX in Dec 2010. I freaked.  I am older than you probably...I was 45 at dx.  I told my son I had a boo boo and the doctor said he had to surgery to make me stay healthy.  My son asked where it was and I said "in my chest".  He didn't really ask more questions.  We just planned his first sleepover with his cousins when I went to the hospital and he was so excited and distracted by that, he had no questions.  I did tell him that I would be pretty sore for a while and I would not be able to pick him up, play rough, or lift things for a while but I WOULD be able to read books, watch movies, color with him, play Wii with him, etc....  I then bought him a goodie bag of fun things we could do together...new books, Wii game, coloring stuff, etc....  He was so distracted by that - he was fine.  As far as chemo, I never told my son I did it.  I used cold caps and kept my hair so he never really saw me look different.  I did tell him that the doctor gave me some special medicines that make me tired sometimes but I needed it so I could stay healthy.  I never got really sick with chemo.  I had some tired days but never had nausea.  I still had my hair so I looked "normal" to him.  He is now 6 and still does not know about my BC.  I will tell him when he is older and by then he can see I have been fine.  Heck he makes me run 8 miles when I go to the gym....so I can't be sick, right??  We never used the words cancer or chemo.  We focused on the words "staying healthy".  Good luck!  You will get through this!

Mirmirpanda

I too am newly diagnosed and have a 4 month old daughter. I have an MRI on Monday and I have to admit I'm pretty scared. I guess to me the MRI is like the final test, the one to see if thi horrible disease is anywhere more than breast. I'm more afraid of the MRI than I am of my masectomy scheduled on January 8th. I am petrified I have bone mets or that it's in my ovaries or uterus. My back aches and I have cramps pain in my lower abdomen. Fingers crossed it just stress!!! My blood work came back with normal calcium levels and I have clean organs, nodes and lungs. I try so hard not to go to 'that place', but I just can't help it sometimes. I feel I am a ready for this fight and I won't ever back down, it's just the waiting, the unknown that is keeping me up at night. Well that and Hazel, haha.



Fingers crossed ~ clean MRI ~ no mets!!!

Traii

Hi

I'm 34 diagnosed in August. I have a almost 3 year old (christmas day he'll be 3)

Its hard getting dx especially when my hubby and i were planning for a baby brother or sister for my son

It still brings tears to my eyes thinking that this 'C' word effects TOOOOOOO MANY PEOPLE.

I told my son that mummy has a 'yucky boobie' and that the doctors going to give mummy medicene to make me better but the medicene will make mummys hair fall out and mummy will be tired .

Kids are stronger and smarter than we all think.

My son gives me massages and sings to me.

There are still plenty of things to do with our children, yes we will have off days etc but we will get through this, we have to think positive for our children.

I had hodgkin's disease when I was 18. I think I'm doing a little better this time around with the chemo as I have my son to get me through it...I have my 'teary' moments when my son tells me to 'wipe away tears mummy, i'm here' moments but we all will its totally normal...but kids are our best medicene

We are all tough ladies and CAN DO THIS....WE HAVE TO DO THIS......

Fingers crossed for you Mirmirpanda....our 'evil' minds do tend to cross where they shouldn't but its normal. I didn't have any SE's leading up to my DX of  BC...... then as soon as I was told , suddenly felt pain etc!!  you have to keep saying to yourself, its 'in the mind' My motto ever since I was 18 has been MIND OVER MATTER, the mind is powerful.....but we are more powerful and we can do this...good luck with your MRI hun NO METS is what we will be hearing back from your results!!

 

ShaneOak

After I was diagnosed, I ended up just telling the kids that I had "yucky" cells in my breast that could make me very sick so the doctor's had to remove the cells.  My 9 year old came back asking if it was "like having breast cancer".  I wasn't quite ready for that.  So, I said that if I didn't get these yucky cells out now that BC could be a problem in the future. They seem okay with that.

Mirmirpanda, so sorry that you have to go through this especially while caring for an infant. That must be very hard. I like your fighting spirit though and it reminds us all that we can do this and we will get through it.  

Traii, you son sounds absolutely precious.

Mirmirpanda

Thank you Traii, thank you ShaneOak. I'm honestly just a ball of nerves waiting for this MRI



I feel lucky that Hazel isn't old enough to know what's going on and it will be many years before I tell her about the time mommy beat breast cancer. It's going to suck to not be able to hold her and pick her up, and to possibly be sick and tired after chemo, but just seeing that big goofy toothless smile and hear her babble on is going to be the thing that makes me push harder. She is my world.



I wish everyone a very merry Christmas. I hope that everyone enjoys all the best of the season and has an amazing, cancer free new year!!!