Emotionally I feel nothing

JoanQuilts

Almost a year after my second breast cancer through which I underwent a BMX, reconstruction and chemotherapy. 

I would have thought I'd have more emotion after my recurrence, but I feel virtually nothing - little fear, little regret about the BMX, little angst about my hair - much of nothing. 

The only emotion I really feel is disgust that this could have happened again. 

I wonder if I am just numb.  Or just accustomed to dealing with breast cancer.

DeborahC

Hi Joan,  I hear ya.  My first cancer was also in 1992 (lymphoma, not BC).  I also am feeling kind of flat.  I don't have any of the emotions of the newly diagnosed I encounter. When I found my lump, I knew it was going to be malignant and I knew what I would have to do.  Surgery and pain still scare me   However the cancer doesn't so much.  I live a fairly healthy lifestyle but I'm not trying very hard to eat better. Maybe it is numbness, or lots of practice dealing with this, or feeling like there is nothing we can do.

JoanQuilts

"Lots of practice dealing with this."  I think that's the key Deborah.  When I got my diagnosis, I had already experienced all the fear...so this was nothing new.  That's how I think about it.  Also, when I was first diagnosed I was very young (for a breast cancer patient) and this was my first experience dealing with something really awful in my life.  20 years later, I suppose, I've seen a lot more loss and heartbreak, and, more importantly, I've learned so much about dealing with anxiety from other breast cancer patients.

That said, I had expected to have somewhat more emotion about this.  Best to you!