Finding it hard to breathe

charism6

I was diagnosed in may past. Stage 3b triple positive and just finished 5 out of 6 treatments. I am having surgery early jan and radiation early march. Every few days i have a melt down. It is hard for me to deal with having cancer. I have great support and young children to keep me busy. How do i cope with the fact that my life will never be the same and to stop living panicked? I spend most of my time pretending.

mary625

Dear Charisma:

I think the question you raise--how do we deal with the FACT that our lives will never be the same--is one we all struggle with. There's no easy answer. The best advice I got when I was in treatment was to take each day one at a time, look at what I had to get through that day, and try not to think about what's coming or the "what if's." Since ending treatment, I have been in therapy, specifically a type called acceptance and commitment therapy. Needless to say, I'm still on the acceptance part. What that has to do with is that only through acceptance can you heal because through resistance of what is reality is where the pain comes from. It does not however have to do with resisting pain or trying to control it. Rather, one is willing to feel the pain and recognize it's impact mentally and physically. Once one recognizes the signs or symptoms in the body and mind, then one uses tools such as breathing and meditation to try to quiet the mind and body. I am probably going on at too much detail here, but I highly recommend meditation and breathing relaxation. I also highly recommend trying to figure out "trigger times," which for me are commuting/driving when my mind goes will with self-talk of a negative nature, and use techniques to bring myself back into the present such as listening to music, focusing on sounds, etc. The technique I use is to think of 3-5 things I can hear, see, smell, etc. in the present moment to restore myself from thoughts in my mind about the past and future and bring myself into the present.



Further, to your last sentence on pretending, I do a lot of that too in order to appear strong for the people around me. I think with young children, yes, you have to do a certain amount of that. I am trying every day to be more authentic. My therapist says that I am hiding a lot behind the facade that everything's okay because I am working and in all ways appearing to get through life successfully.

lkc

Dear Charism6,

I am so sorry to have you join us on this forum. It's truly a club no one wants to be in. However, I am happy you found us. There is an amazing group of women here that willl help you. It feels like a very  hard road, especially for those " newbies". We have all been there. You will get through this.  Everyone has different coping mechansisms and you will find one that will work for you.be gentle with yourself.BC is so consuming in the early days, but you will find with time that  changes.

I am "out" over 7 years and well. Come here often for support . There are many many women doing wonderfully.

edwards750

Charism6 - For me I try not to think about the C word but the fear factor - the recurrence - I havent mastered yet. I have my third mammogram scheduled for Oct 31(scary thought) so the days before I will be in panic mode. Thats just the way it is. No one can tell you everything will be okay because frankly they dont know. Just remember you are doing everything you can to deal with bc. Of course we cant undo it so we learn to live with it. BC treatments and survival rates have come a long way. It is no longer the death sentence it used to be.

Momine

It ain't easy, what can I say. A dear friend, who has been through it herself, told me to get a script for xanax, which I did. In the end, I took a total of 3-4 pills, but just knowing I had them helped me a great deal.

The other thing I did was to indulge myself. I bought myself a present after each chemo. I made myself nice breakfasts. I took naps and got new perfume.

Then I tried to get exercise as much as I was able.  

No one thing is going to get you over the hump, but everything together will eventually help. Also consider joining a support group or seeing a counselor. At least my approach was to try anything that might help me.

clariceak

You have come to the right place for support.  We all understand.

Since you are currently in the chemo phase of treatment, and I'm assuming AC, you are probably taking steroids as well.  What your onc may not have told you is steroids can wreck havoc with your emotions.  i call them dementor drugs, because for me, it took whatever anxieties I had and magnified them tenfold. I finally realized that I needed anti-anxiety meds to counteract the steroids and I also managed to convince my onc to lower my steroid dosage. I felt my cancer radio was on full blast 24/7 and it made it hard to function.  Anti-anxiety meds helped lower the volume until it was just backgound noise.

Many of us had youg children when we were dxed.  Mine were 8 and 10.  It is heart wrenching to look at them and wonder about the future.  But I promise you it will get better.  After AC, you will start to feel better physically and emotionally but it will be a long road back.   Come back to these boards, especially when you are having a bad day.  The women here will lift you up and help you through this.  

 Hugs.

TectonicShift

I agree with those who say the prescriptions they give you to help you get through chemo wreak havoc on your emotions. I PROMISE you will feel better after chemo ends.  Surgery is a pain, literally and figuratively, but not terrible. Radiation is a piece of cake. I cried all through chemo. Now six months out of chemo I feel great. You will too!! Just hang in there and cry all you want to. Don't tell yourself not to cry. It's OKAY TO CRY! Let it out!

bak94

You have received some great advice here and I don't really have anything to add other than I understand and my heart goes out to you. Great post Mary. Very helpful.

SpunkyGirl

We've all been where you are. My kids were almost 6 and 4 then, and now they are turning 12 and 10 next month. You really have to do this one day at a time. Celebrate the little moments and be good to yourself as you heal. And come here for support. There are many kind and caring people that have felt or are feeling what you are. We'll get through it together!

fredntan

You will get there.

I read your title and thought it applied to me. Its a little hard to breath in thiscompression garment

I just finished stage 1 diep.



You are almost done with the hardest part! In my opinion

The sx wasnt so bad.

Rads made me tired.



I dont know if you have started antidepressant. It made world of difference for me. I am on effexor, which helps with hot flashes and pairs well with tamox. Its like i am talking about fine wine

Elizabeth1959

I think your feelings are normal.  I don't think it's possible to feel happy and worry-free when you are going through something so traumatic.  I am over 2 years out from diagnosis.  I still am traumatized.  Chemo for me was by far the worse.  Surgery was miserable but the acute pain only lasted a few weeks.  I felt relatively ok during rads until the end when I had a lot of pain from radiation "burns"  Today, I feel well physically except for stiffness from AI's.  Keep venting - it helps.  I think we all understand what you are experiencing.

Be gentle and kind to yourself - what you are going through is VERY difficult.

CherylinOhio

Charism, sorry to see you join us here but you are among a great group of ladies!! Fighters, everyone of us!! I was dx last March, 2011. I still wake up some nights and think about the bc dx and I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I was a hot mess for most of 2011 but as time went on I am back to joining the living and not really thinking about bc as much anymore.  I had 2 surgeries this year for reconstruction and will have 2 more, one for the nipples and one for ovary removal.  I also have been seeing a hypnotherapist to try to help me get some peace of mind and to be more positive. I will be starting Tai Chi and Qi Gong in the coming weeks.  I also get massages every couple of months.  I try to do things that are healthy and good for my body.  I do deep breathing and take time to just relax and not think of anything.  Your feelings are normal, we have all been there, in another year you will be stronger and not think about bc as much!! I promise!!  Live your life, enjoy your family and take care of yourself!!! We will make it thru this.

Hattie

I confess i did not read all posts. but when i had stage 3, huge #$#%$% tumor, instant chemo, then surg, then rads and yay no more chemo, my kiddos were 7 and 10. i cried a lot.  but not in front of them.  and with ups and downs (lots)  startedcelebrating each day (and had some lapses where i just bitched, but hey i am a living human being!).

i learned to stop living in fear (so hard, but life is now, dammit).

my littles are now young healthy and happy women.

just keep your eyes on the prize (life!  more and more life!) and when you need to cry, find a place and people for that (tears can be cleansing) and move along.

wishing everyone more good times,

take care,

--hattie