Kids, dating, body image, career? Let's start a forum!

Emiliana45

Hi,

Interested in starting a forum that talks about moving on after breast cancer? I'm a single, divorced, TNBC surviving mom of a teenager, wanting to date, and figuring out work issues. I'm about to reach my five-year-survivorship window and am happy about it. It's the light at the end of this tunnel. But I'd love to connect with other similar women.

After the mastectomy and finishing chemo, I tried to join local BC support groups for women facing similar issues as myself. But was told I was too old for such groups (I was 54 and the groups had an age cut-off of 40.) This is in the San Francisco Bay Area.

So...I'm thinking, I'll start my own online group. Biological age shouldn't be the criteria...and to be honest, anyone is more than welcome to join in because at the end of the day, we can all support each other.

My goal, however, is to keep this group focussed on single or divorced moms of school-age kids, who have concerns, issues, comments re dating, body image, career/jobs, and moving forward after cancer.

I hope you'll join me as I know you're out there!!!

Emiliana

sandpiper1

Hi Emi. Saw this post & decided to chime in. To be honest I am just 3 months out from my mastectomy. Starting Tamoxifen next week. I have an 18 yo son who does not live at home. I do work full time. Have been focused on my return to work, meeting some continuing ed requirements, & wrapping up with dx & surgery. Lol. I am an impatient sort at times. As if I can exact a timeline on this process. Even though the Tamox & surgical scars are continual reminders. I have refused to be the "girl" with breast cancer. But know there are some things specific to being part of this group that I will indeed have to cope with that few of mycfriends will understand. (Dating & intimacy being one).

Anywho.......glad you posted. I am 46yo. Soon to be 47. Btw.

emikofierros025

Hi Emiliana45,

I am a new member to this forum. The reason why I joined was to learn more about cancer. Hope that I am welcome here.

Emiliana45

Hi Sandpiper,

I'm glad you chimed in. Impatience sounds pretty normal to me. The dates you've given show that everything you've just gone through is pretty recent. You have to trust that you're in a new chapter of your life. The scars will fade and the Tamoxifen is around five years I think. A lot of what's before you is learning how to manage the monitoring and moving on with your life. Best advice my oncologist gave me whe I finished chemo was "go out there and live your life."

Dating isn't easy in general post-divorce with a school-age child. And when you add bc and mastecomy/reconstruction, it's another layer. What do people think about not telling someone you're dating about your bc before intimacy? I've believed that my one-side reconstruction is a tip-off to anyone slightly caressing my breasts that there is something different about them. I've thought that it would lessen the difficulty of dreading that moment by telling someone early on.

Any thoughts out there from single women who are dating?

sandpiper1

Emi........great advice from your onc.

Went out last night & got hit on twice

I had a Diep recon. My breast looks & feels like my old girl with exception of the scar & no feeling for me.

Getting a nipple in 2 weeks. Process is almost done.

Like anything private we wish to speak @ with a potential partner will take place when it is supposed to. Of course I worry that the conversation is well timed & not too premature or too late in the early days of dating.

We may be met with acceptance or rejection.

I am kind of prepared for either reaction.

I am not really shy about that......as I thought I might be.

I'm too old to play games.

mybee333

I am 54, the mother of 3 kids, ages 20, 18 and 14.  My 14 y.o. is very time consuming these days.  I am not currently dating and frankly scared to do so as my last relationship broke my heart.  But I also find time to be an issue.  I work full time and have lots of responsibilities, as we all do.  I sort of follow my Dr.'s advice and could take care of myself better; I try to be mindful of good eating and not drinking, or at least drinking green tea   Having been on the dating sites before - no - dating post-divorce is not easy.  Just after BC and the end of my rel. I had more enthusiasm for dating than I do now. My priorities have shifted to taking care of myself first and I'm not quite together yet. Thought I would say hi to some women with whom I might have something in common.  I have a few interests.  I sing in my church choir and am working on meditation for relaxation. Like I said......it's been busy

btw - I think I would want to tell him sooner rather than later.  I wouldn't want to start to like someone and then have it go poof!