DH totally does NOT get it...

lanagraves

I love him so much, but he just does not get it. He's kind and hardworking, a great guy. But something's missing when it comes empathy and compassion. The only emotion I ever see with him is anger. I know that sounds bad and I don't mean that he is constantly angry or abusive in any way. It's just that, even though he doesn't get mad often, that's the only time I see emotion in him. He thinks the BC is no big deal, that I had it, had the surgery, chemo and rads, and now it's over, other than taking the Tamoxifen. He has no understanding whatsoever of side effects or lingering emotional effects. He thinks it's just over and that's that, and I should just go back to normal. I've tried to explain it to him, but he doesn't want to talk about it. He's been great as far as picking up and getting the kids where they need to be, helping out with housework, etc. But emotionally, there's just nothing.

Elizabeth1959

Looking at your profile, you were diagnosed only 7 months ago.  I'm a little over 2 years out, and I think about breast cancer every day.  I still can't wrap my head around what happened and most importantly what the future holds.  I'm sorry your husband is not supporting you emotionally.  Maybe anger at what's happened is easier to get in touch with then sorrow and fear.  I suspect that he won't talk about your feelings because it scares him so much.  I wish not talking about it will make it go away, but it doesn't.  In general, I don't find people very helpful.  I think until you go through it, you don't get it.

NeedtobeSTRONG

Just from my own experience with my husband. He may be having difficulty with the whole emotional part of it. I felt the same way about my husband this year. But I was thinking so much about me and not thinking that although I am facing the breast cancer physically.....emotionally he as as well..but he was doing all the things I would do. Shopping kids cleaning laundry...ect and trying to appear strong for me. Be easy on him, it may be just that. Once my husband finally let his emotions go..... We were on the same page, if that makes sense.

camillegal

lana that's so rouh on u--u'r like that understandin but everyone is so different. Show real emotions to some is a sin of weakness so maybe that's some of his problem--no they just don't get it--no one really does--they do think that when it's done it's done and it isn't a lot of maintnance oes for a time. Maybe just maybe one night u can have a real talk with him and explain u'r feelin--he doesn't have to explain his and thank him for what he has done, cuz u know he means well.

Ihopeg

Lana,

My husband still doesnt get it 5 years later. I think some men are conditioned to try to fix things and this is something they can not fix. As long as he is helping you get through this, he probably wants to be strong for you... 

melmcbee

My husband hasnt faced it to begin with. He doesnt want to know. He wants me back to normal. Ive had the surgery so he thinks its gone. Im on chemo now and still have rads, tamoxifen, and reconstruction left to do. Im in so much pain today from the neulesta shot i guess. He actually asked me if I was going to a blues fest with him tomorrow. Really??? I told him his denial was killing me. He said it was just easier to not think about it. If they are arguing with us or trying to go on with life as normal than it keeps them from having to think about it. Keeps them from having to face it. 

HUgs to you cause I know it sucks.

camillegal

It's ok for us to deny as much as we can--but let's face it we want our loed ones for support, we all can't be on that river the same time .Does he ever o to the Dr. with u? If not maybe he should.

fredntan

This whole year has been so hard on my whole family. Am the only one who hasnt started therapy(i take that back i went twice) you must have just finished tx? I think men in general have trouble expressing there feelings. My DH has issues with anger management. He is workng on it. I know this last year has been hard on him too

camillegal

fredntan U ur'self have been thru so much just on u'r own--let alone what u family has gone thru---But I have to say u'r DH going to Therapy is wonderful. And if u'r family needs it to too. This is a terrible crises--it brins out the good as well as the bad and u'r husband must be very miserable too cuz he doesn't know what to do for u or u'r family. Everyone as different Hang in there with therapy it micht end up bein allright.