Still trying to move beyond BC

Rafitina

Hello everyone

Its been a little over a year since my lumpectomy followed by radiation treatments.

The week before my surgery, I lost my best friend to Breast Cancer, it had quite an effect on me.  Maybe that is why I still struggle with moving on.  Or maybe its because the Arimidex caused me to vomit for weeks then the tamoxifen also made me sick.  Maybe its because 2 of my 3 children are handicapped, 1 critically ill and 1 chronically ill and my husband has Lupus.... maybe its because I had a bad scare after radiation where they thought they saw something in my lungs....  I  was not SUPPOSED to be sick  I AM THE CAREGIVER!!!   I lay in bed at night and have 1 anxiety attack after another.  Some nights it wakes me up, other nights I dont sleep at all.  Why ohWhy cant I move past this?  I thought I was stronger than this!!  I have dealt with life and death issues with each member of my family and handled critical issues on a daily basis with strength and compassion, yet when it comes to my health I fall apart.  I feel like I have let my family down.. I cant be consumed with this for the rest of my life.  Can someone please tell me does it get easier??  October 8th I see the Breast Surgeon again and I have this feeling of dread....  Sometimes I want to run away from it all and other times I feel like I need help ... Am I being a coward?  Im sorry I wish we all didnt have to deal with this I really do...

Mini1

Rafitina - Getting through BC is difficult enough without all you have on your plate. You need to join a support group or see a counselor. If money is an issue, most hospitals have a hospital social worker you can talk to. There are also several good threads here to vent on. Hang in there, and if you have people willing to help you, let them. Sometimes we try to do it ourselves because we think if we don't we're failing. Now is not the time to have that mindset. Talk to someone. You may need an antidepressant for a time. I wish you well. Hugs.