Older single gal living alone, having lost friends with illness

chelseasanfran

I've lost a couple of very close local friends (and gained one very dear one) since I was diagnosed and started treatment for Stage 2 DC last October. I have read and hear that this does happen to people, although as a single older (almost 62) female with no family and living alone, it's been particularly hard sometimes. I still have a few very good close friends, but they are all out of state and have their own families to take care of.

I also have not had any success finding a local support group, despite of a lot of inquiries and trials. I have found they have either been cancelled, are very clinically oriented, are held in institutional settings, or don't seem individualized to address my particular social, emotional or medical needs.

I was about to get a total hip replacement last October, but had to delay it and finish my treatment for BC first. I'm now finished with surgery, radiation and chemo and have been on Aromasin for 3 months. I was clean at my 6 month check (which was itself traumatic) but I am now finally scheduled to get a THR at the end of the month.

My left hip is now totally gone and I've lost 1/2 inch of my left leg height and can barely walk. This explains why I had lost 1/2 inch in height when I was measured at the Block Center in March. I am very grateful though that I have a surgeon whom I like and trust and who is covered by my health insurance. I am struggling though to get my LTC insurance approved and get all the pre-authorizations needed to get some of my home care covered by my health plan. All of the brochures on post-op care discuss having a family member help me with everything upon returning home, as though everyone has someone at home to take care of them.

I am looking to make new friends in getting through and beyond to reclaim my life. A few years ago I had a very active social life, cooked and entertained a lot, was actually trying to start a band (I sing and write music) and was still traveling all over the world (Africa, Peru, Galapagos Islands).

My greatest hope now is that I will have no complications and a speedy recovery from the surgery - walking, hiking, dancing, cooking, caring about how I look, and traveling again after a hopefully clean December 1 year check/screening.

I would like to have/make more friends to share all this with, people who understand what I'm going through and aren't scared or overwhelmed by my illness and current disability. 

I would love to hear from kindred spirits, local (I am in San Francisco) as well as virtual. I know there are many of you out there - by the incredibly brave and inspiring postings I have read from so many and the very kind and generous women who have responded to my questions and concerns in previous posts.

Warmest Regards and Blessings to all,

Chelsea

w6uqfcgomeo

Hi Chelsea:  My name is Mary and I just started posting.  You are just what I have been looking for also.  I am a widow, no children (2 legged that is), and have friends, but most are a long way away.  I know JUST what you mean about living alone and having lost friends.  I wish I lived closer to you.  I live in WA state, actually in the middle of the state.

I did not read about your BC as to where you are with it.  Guess you are getting ready for your hip replacement.  Gosh, good luck....!!!  I am sure you are busy trying to line things up.  My mind is swimming trying to think of how I can help you.  Being alone, there are so many things other people don't think of. 

 Don't know about you, but I feel sometimes like I have two lives, one with people that don't know I have bc and others that do know.  Some of my neighbors that were great helping me thru my surgical biopsy and left mastectomy have now (I think from their behavior) gotten tired of hearing about it, as though things just stop.  I think they thinkwe will just get over it and be o.k...they just don't get it.!!  They don't want me to talk about it but then I feel I am not true to myself either.  How can they expect something so dramatic to happen to a person and then not talk about it....?

Do you get counseling?  You might try finding your local cancer society.  They give me cards for gas and food which helps.  I also found a very good therapist thru them that helps....counseling to deal with stress. 

Hope you get this.  Please let me know how you are.  Tell me more about you.  Do you have any pets?   Your new friend....Mary

Beckers

Chelsea,



I'm glad to see that you already have a friend in Mary. ). I thought I might share that I work in rehab therapy and have treated many patients after total hip replacement. Rehab is a stepping stone between the hospital and returning to home. Hopefully that would work for you and solve the need for help at home. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!



~Rebecca

camillegal

Hi Chelsea I hope u contat u'r local cancer society and have luck there. Mary's riht--It's not that we all talk about it (inless here) but people back away sometimes like it's contagious.  And I never could fiure that out. I wish u luck in finding friendship and there are good caring pwople who come here, just stat joining in and it's suprisin how u can connect to people, like Mary.

chrissyb

Hi Chelsea and welcome. There are loads of people to whom you can talk to. Come on over to the 'Older women with more sense thread'. We are a great group from all over and BC is not always the topic of conversation.



I had a total knee replacement earlier this year and recovery is going great. I have heard that the hip replacement recovery is easier but I have nothing to compare that claim to. I just hope for you that it all goes well.



Love n hugs. Chrissy

Waitingforthenextstep

Hi Chelsea,  Glad I saw your post and hope to keep hearing from you.  I know, sometimes you seek, and do not find.  Many times I log in to this forum feeling really down, I will usually find something here that helps me feel better, or some info I can use, or be educated by another brave person like you who can teach me something I didn't have before.  We have company here.....

chelseasanfran

Dear Mary,

What a sweet and much appreciated note. I have Stage 2 DC, with isolated tumor cells - ER+,PR-,HER2-. I had a lumpectomy with IORT last November, based on them staging me as Stage 1 but turned out to be Stage 2. I finished 4 cycles of CT/Neulasta in March, started on Keith Block's diet and supplement plan in March, and started on Aromasin in May. I had a clean 6 month screening that took two months to complete with final negative results in July. I had to wait for this to be able to schedule my total hip replacement.

I have a good therapist and it definitely helps some. The Amercian Cancer Society hasn't helped me much beyond some taxi vouchers exclusively for visits specific cancer physicians/treatments (they won't even cover visits to my acupuncturist or primary care physcian) and they have no local support groups. 

I have no pets, and would love a dog, but haven't been able to walk or lift or do much of anything because of my hip. I am hoping after my hip replacement that I will get a dog.   

My current next five days I am focused on preparing for my surgery and dealing with daily survival. Tonight I am trying to find someone to help me tomorrow to get meals, my medications, taking a bath or shower and getting dressed.

I'm hoping I'll get some formal home care support on Monday - a little late (I've been struggling with my insurance company and my LTC insurance company for months to get to get some home care), but better late than never, and at least I'll get some some help after the surgery.

I do feel blessed that my best friend came by today and helped me with a lot of things I needed, including getting my dinner ready for tonight.

I may not be posting for while - I go into the hospital on September 27th - next Thursday. But I'll bring my laptop and try to keep you posted.

Warmest Regards,

Chelsea