what to wear to bed for DH?

christina0001

I hope this is not a silly question. I had a UMX on 8/10. I have been wearing soft t-shirts and shorts to bed, but I'd like to wear something a little prettier. I don't have a prosthetic yet and the pillow foob I have, I'd rather not wear to bed. It's just not comfortable. I don't think I'd want to wear a prosthetic to bed either. Does anyone have any advice on sleepwear that is flattering, but will provide coverage and not enhance my UMX side?

I don't know where to start and I am worried if I go to the store and start trying things on, I'm just going to upset myself.

caaclark

I don't have any great suggestions.  I frequently wear tank tops with shorts (at least in the summer).  Target tank tops are pretty comfy and soft.  I have a few things made by Vera Wang (found at Kohls) that are prettier and made of soft cotton.  They definitely run big so order a size smaller.  I avoid anything with lace against my skin.

I never wear a prosthetic to bed.  Some women do but I don't think that would work for me.

crystalphm

I worried about this too...but I don't anymore. I wanted to be pretty for DH and finally came to terms with I am who i am...I do look attractive when we are dressed up, I am neat about myself (although flat), I wear jewelry and tops to take the eyes away from missing breasts...

But at night, I am still flat. I still have enough discomfort and lymphedema is a concern, so I don't wear any forms,bras, (tightness) to sleep, ever. I need that lymphatic fluid to flow.

Kohls sells Vera Wang that if you watch, you can find very nice things that sort of gather across where breasts would be and are attractive. So I guess the answer is when I want to look attractive, I wear gathers across my missing breasts. I hope this helps.

Anonymous

http://www.lingerie-confidant.com/mastectomy_lingerie.html

I like this website I have surfed the ones they have recommended extensively but not bought anything as yet. Hope it helps.

crystalphm

Oh Wow Kelpie, super!! Thank you.

christina0001

Thank you Crystal and Kelpie! I just want to look feminine and pretty when I go to bed.

crystalphm

Keep looking around in stores, look at different discussions here about being flat, lots of fashion tips that apply to bedtime clothing too. And if you find something fantastic, please share!!!

christina0001

I will, thanks. Just nervous about going shopping really. It does not take much to make me cry right now.

crystalphm

I have cried in many dressing rooms. Finally I found a silk cami that I didn't mind seeing myself in, it is just flat, but edged nicely in a non-scratchy lace, and I have learned to wear this cami when shopping so I don't have to deal with "flat" in several mirrors.

 And in time, I have kept telling myself I am not about my breasts, I am :my smile, my sense of humor, my intelligence...and so forth, and the self talk does amazing things. With the right clothing and attitude, I can even feel sexy ....flat.

You are very new to this, and shocked and scared with the cancer stuff, soon enough you will learn to love your body because it is strong enough to get you to the other side of treatment. You will start to feel proud.

Anonymous

Crystal, you expressed that so well. The self talk is key. Once you recognize how remarkable your body is at coping and healing, you can begin to tell yourself a story that recognizes your physical and personal strengths. This leads to a new level of love and respect for your body and inner fortitude. You are so much more than your breasts, as nice as they were.




My strategy to minimize dressing room breakdowns is to set myself up for success by taking advantage of the things I can control. If I plan to shop for clothes and know I will have to face my naked chest in the mirror, I wear an outfit that makes me feel my best - at least on the bottom. Yes, nice jeans, skirt or shorts, complete with good shoes even though I am looking for tops. Makes no difference whether the tops are for day or night. My mind sees the bottom half of me looks the same and nicely put together and it helps balance the shock of my chest. The top you're trying will also look better with nice clothes than raggedy gym shorts (I can attest to this). A simple feminine tank like Crystal suggests is great, especially if it is something that will work as a base layer under tops and looks nice peeking out. I agree that a gathered front has a nice drape and hides any unevenness one may have along the incision line. Tops that are soft tend to make me feel attractive because I get that tactile sensation on my skin. Oh, and I skip the tops with darts, as they do not look right on a flat chest.

christina0001

Thanks ladies. I hope in time I can have good, positive feelings like you do. Right now I am so unhappy with my body and how I look. I guess it just takes time. I really appreciate the tips on chosing clothes, and on clothes shopping.

KP1970

I wear pretty camisoles and nightgowns in darker colors. My husband seems to like them. I think he likes the feel of the material against him too.