In shock

Morwenna

Here Edi, .... and anybody else who is struggling ... Have you seen this thread?

http://community.breastcancer.org/topic_post?forum_id=7&id=786554&page=1

It makes me feel more normal. If I have days with more than two "events" planned I panic because I fear it will be too much.

Like Websister, I get that point where I quite suddenly "hit a wall". Tonight I quite literally feel like I've been hit by a truck. Just finished writing Christmas cards, with no great enthusiasm, it had to be said, but if they don't go out this week, we may as well keep them for next year!

It's just occurred to me, I have no recollection of writing or sending ANY last year ..... have to ask dh!

Anyway. Bath and bedtime!

nihahi

Sure wish I could find the words to help you ladies struggling in the "recovery" thing. I can tell you that it takes time, but I understand that the reality of how long that time might be, is a hard one to wrap one's head around. You have been through a war, and need to let your body catch up with your expectations. Think of yourself as a toddler, who has just been walking for a few months, or even longer......would you expect that little one to be able to run a marathon???? Someone just learning to drive.....would you put them on a busy highway at 110km an hour???? You can push down on that gas pedal as hard and as long as you want......if the tank is empty....you're not going anywhere!!!!!!!! You have got to respect what you have been through....physically, chemically, emotionally.....you WILL GET THERE.

oops...came back to add....

mo....lovely tree! Is it a British thing to put poppers on it??

adagio

Edi - all the best for visit to the oncologist tomorrow. We are all in this together - some days I just can't be bothered with anything and it is usually because I am fatigued. This is where self-talk is useful - I remind myself not to beat myself up, but to remember what my body and mind have been through this past year and have compassion for myself (I learned this in my mindfulness course). It is challenging to have compassion for oneself, but it is something I am learning to do very slowly. Big hug to you and hoping that you will be feeling better soon. Do renew your passport and start travelling more if you can especially now that DH is retired - life is short. I think we all should plan for future trips and then if things in our lives change health wise, so our travel plans will also change. I am planning more travel now than I have ever done - it is a great distraction!

Morwenna - I just finished decorating the Christmas tree and it was tiring, but it looks really nice and the house smells so good with the freshly cut tree. I like what you said about pacing ourselves and just doing small amounts of things - lowering our expectations, realizing that things will be different now.

caitlin61

So sorry you're feeling down, Edi - I hope everything will go well tomorrow and that things will look brighter again. It was so sweet that your GD came to wake you up so you could begin your day together - and sounds like you had a lovely time. BTW, I never realized a scouse was a stew - but you're right, what I made was essentially a scouse plus red wine!

Good thread, Morwenna, re: life after treatment - oh, and beautiful tree too! Like you and others have expressed, every pain and twinge causes me to panic - the discomfort in my buttock that comes and goes (my major worry), a recent stitch in my side that lasted about a week, last week nausea while at the gym, feeling more out of puff than usual while walking, sudden bruising on my foot and legs - and on it goes - seems there's something new every week! I work myself up into a compulsive frenzy with consulting Dr. Google and reading threads on here - but then get to the point where I just have to let it go because it wears me out. My Mum is always very good re: helping me adjust my attitude. Also trying to follow advice from Nihahi and those on other threads to, along the lines of what you were saying, find some things to look forward to in the near term, like making plans to do things with DH I know we'll enjoy, establish some goals re: diet, exercise, well being, and keep the anxiety re: what the future might hold in check.

Websister, I hope your stamina builds and that you continue to make progress re: your work schedule. My fatigue seems to operate at a larger scale - more like good weeks and bad weeks. In early November, I actually felt at least as good as I did a year ago, prior to diagnosis. Last week, all I wanted to do when I got home from work was crawl into bed, and wondered how I was possibly going to last until Friday evening.

Well ladies, I hope this week is a good one for all of us. Time for some sleep, if I can manage to cool off from this Tamoxifen-induced internal heat wave!

Traii

Hugs to you Edi from one very cheeky Monkey! Yes my DS!!!

Can't believe I teared up putting our Christmas tree up with DS & DH yesterday! Thinking last year I had a Santa cap on covering bald spots & this year I've overcome alot of hurdles but here, happy & as well as can be (knock on wood) ♥ to all !

Ps Morwena go book those tickets for August girl. You ain't goin' no where!

nihahi

Traii.....that boy is ADORABLE....cheeky monkey fits him to a T!!!! Glad to hear that was a much happier time for you this year.

Dakota....Sorry I missed mentioning....How neat to share those "girly" times with your daughter....how are you planning to keep the boys away from her????? Gorgeous girl!!!!

edi....thinking of you and your appt today.....never fun.....but they do get less traumatic with time....but....never easy. I do wish you would try the counselour thing, you'll never know if it might help, unless you try it. Gosh, my dearie.....there's a reason why women their "later years" aren't usually spending sleepovers and half days with active 7 year olds! Mother Nature isn't stupid.....! I'm not at all suggesting you don't do it, but maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to "set the pace" more to what works for you, not what's normal for her? I'm sure you will fight that idea bigtime, but, I'm putting it out there. Remind me again, exactly who is it that helps to look after you????? hmmmmm???????

caitlin61

I'm enjoying seeing the photos of everybody's trees. Traii, another lovely tree and a super sweet boy!

scouser47

Hi Thanks to everyone for hugs and helpful comments.
After hardly any sleep went to appointment this morning. Instead of my usual Onco(who can be very scarey and hard to ask questions of,) I had his registrar. A beautiful and gentle soul who examined me and then answered every question When she had finished I practically floated out of the room.
She added that she had just seen a lady 8 years out with TN and there was no reason I shouldn't be the same. OK know she isn't going to do the doom and gloom bit but as she said so much rubbish info out there on the web just stay positive. Six months until next one. Phew.
Any problems I have to ring straight away and they will be sorted. She did say the period after treatment the worst part as we feel so lost.

Pictures of xmas trees are really lovely.

 
GD's  school xmas show in the morning, she has seven lines, and was word perfect when Mummy and Daddy saw today's performance.
You ladies are right that I may have overdone things. Sleepovers may have to be put on hold until  Springtime.
Will stop trying to run before I can walk

Gonna catch up with sleep minus the nightmares.

Thanks again sisters. LOVE you ALL X

nihahi

edi....so glad the appt went well. I hope you find a way to keep some of that "positive mindset" available for the future. Small steps can lead to big changes..... (((((X)))).

Jackpot

hi all

Edi.....so glad your appt went well and your feeling better....it's amazing what a few kind and positive words does for you isn't it....I love hearing stories about TNs 8 years plus out of dx...gives us so much hope doesn't it....hearing the words "see you in six months" must sound good as well....

I guess we'll all have to slow down a bit after treatment and let our bodies recover, it's just going to take time, the fatigue has been one of the worst things for me on tax and I can't wait to feel normal again

Take care

Jackpot

nihahi

Hubby is having an MRI tomorrow....because of his ongoing shoulder/neck pain. In a way, I hope they find something, that might be fixable, because he really has had a tough go with this pain. But on the other hand....I'm hoping they don't find anything, because I'm worried it is going to be something like spinal stenosis...and the last thing I want him to have to go through is spinal surgery that could be devastating if it goes wrong......Don't you just love scans!!!!!!!!

Morwenna

Edi, glad your day went well!

Nihahi, not sure what to wish for re your dh's MRI ...... I guess just for something to show up that isn't too serious!?! Fingers crossed anyway! xxx

nihahi

thanks mo....I'm sitting on the fence, that's for sure!

MariaNL

Edi, So  happy your apt. went well. The constant worrying sure gets old doesn't it . I have come to the conclusion that I am going to try and do and see all I can, cause one thing this journey has taught me is  to live every day to it's fullest.

Traii, what a great pic of your DS, he is such a cutie and what a beautiful tree.

I sent Benny a PM on facebook but have not heard back from her, I hope she is doing okay

I went Christmas shopping with my Mother today, we had a great time, but how does a 77 year old woman have so much more energy then me. She wore me out I had to give up.

Going to dinner with my angel baby tomorrow, as she is turning 22. I am so lucky to be her mommy.

 

nihahi

Maria....are you going to have a white Christmas??? Have a wonderful time with your daughter tomorrow....I bet she thinks SHE's the lucky one!!!!

I had a short chat with benny today. I think she sounded better. Meeting websister for a coffee on Wednesday. Is NO ONE going to win the lottery so we can have some fabulous getaways together???

Traii

Yeh Edi so glad you are feeling so much better after appointment !

Good Luck to your DH with his MRI Nihahi.

I bought a couple of lotto tickets for tonights draw of 50million!!! Will let you know if you are all come to the land of down under for a sunny summers christmas

Maria HB to your daughter. Enjoy yr night out

Hope everyones having a great day/night ♥

nihahi

traii.........let us know when we can start buying the plane tickets!!!!!

(sigh.....snowing again here, hubby's working from home, again....I have parked him in the spare room, which is SUPPOSED to be his home office, If I'm around someone who is parked in a chair all day....guess where I end up, if I can't escape outside....)! If I can't see him, I won't join him!

Dakota212

hi ladies !!!

Edi so glad ur appointment went well !!

Traii - DS so adorable !!!

Nihahi - good luck to DH.

Thanks for the compliments on my DD she is a spitting image if her dad the cockroach but not one ounce of his personality. She is so sweet and caring!!!!

Can't send u all a holiday card so here is our holiday picture this year I am sending out !!! Wishing all of you and yours a safe and happy holiday and cheers to a healthy happy new year !!!! Muah, muah, muah !!!!

Traii

Nihahi....i didnt win

Jackpots to 70mill next Tuesday!!

Dakota your pic is absolutely gorgeous. Kids obviously take after their mamma

websister

Traii - 70 million even better Loved your picture of your DS, he is adorable

As Nihahi said, it continues to snow here, no worries at the moment of not having a White Christmas. It was rather nice to be all ready to go to work and receive an email from my manager advising us not to venture out if we didn't have to and to work remotely - I actually got a lot done and saved myself what would surely have been a long commute there and back

Edi - so good to hear how your appointment went, wonderful!

Nihahi - hoping DH gets relief whatever MRI does or doesn't show, is it at SHC?

Maria - smiled at the image of you trying to keep up with your DM, you'll get there

Better get some other things done now that I have signed off from work

nihahi

hubby's MRI done....supposed to get the results in a week.

websister....glad to hear you stayed home today too....the road into Calgary was NOT a pleasant drive this afternoon. I went in with hubby, then we went up to Southcentre to do some Christmas shopping. The mall was almost deserted, which was nice for us. On the way home, we were going through patches of freezing fog...I could see the hoarfrost forming on the trees. If the roads are iced tomorrow, I may have to reluctantly postpone the coffee meetup.

Dakota...those look like two healthy, happy and beautiful kids! Kudos to you, girl!!!!

Moviemaniac

Nihahi....glad MRI is done.....but hate the wait.........

Super cold here, and only ingredient missing is moisture....which could turn up tomorrow night.....Portland CANNOT do snow........no one knows how!

nihahi

websister......it's chinooking here!!!!! woohoo. I'll make it for coffee today!

movie...sorry about the weather (). Stay home and stay warm and safe.

scouser47

Hi ,
Hope you are ALL well and happy.
I have been to bingo xmas party this afternoon. It was such fun. Beautifully cooked and served. three games of bingo one of which my lovely BC buddy won £ 50,00 on. I won a doll in the raffle. It is the funniest thing ever  She speaks,sings ,laughs,snores makes sucking sound when she has her comforter and then FARTS soooo loudly I am sitting here in hysterics.
GD will adore her but she ain't going anywhere, she can sit upstairs with Sergei the meerkat.
Last choir practise last night in the church itself and it was beautiful.
Can't wait for Saturday now.

Nihahi, glad chinooking, do hope only good news from DH MRI. Did you get out for that coffee ? X

Maria, loved the mental pic of you trying to keep up with your Mom. Happy Bday to your beautiful DS. I too messaged Benny on f/b and no reply either  sure she will be in contact soon.Don't work too hard X

Traii, DS and tree both gorgeous, please win the lotto soon.  X

Movie, hope you are healing more each day X

Dakota, your little ones are so beautiful, just like their Mom you should be so proud of yourself. X

Jackpot, did you say jan 6th for scan and tats at Clatterbridge ? If so I am in the area that day. If you can I will buy you a coffee in their great coffee shop.? X

Morwenna, you and DH look gorgeous on your new f/b pic, tree too. Went on that link you put on here, great help thanks X

Still getting the desperate tiredness every day, now just lie down and sleep for an hour in the afternoon.Today while zzzz the phone rang and some fxxxxxg idiot, wanted to know would I like to do a survey about water supply. Think he learnt a few new swear words today No more mrs nice ha ha.

Love you ALL X

nihahi

Hey ladies,

Had a great coffee and chat with websister this afternoon. Thanks for the goodies, websister...yum yum!!!!

It is chinooking here today (temp is now up to 0!!!!!) I snapped a few pics of the chinook arch on my phone to show you guys....not the greatest pics, but gives you an idea of how it stretches from one end of the horizon to the other. Always a welcome site around here in the winter!

scouser47

Nihahi, great pics. How do you get them from your phone onto here please ? X

nihahi

Edi....since they upgraded (???) the site, I haven't been able to post from my phone. So....I took the pics with my phone (no camera with me), emailed them from my phone to myself. Fired up the laptop, opened the email, saved the pics in my picture folder and then did the link. Clear as mud ?

nihahi

Your first Christmas Card with a very important message for you.

A THOUGHTFUL MESSAGE HERE TO PREPARE YOU FOR CHRISTMAS.

Please drink responsibly – sit down so you don’t spill any!

Morwenna

I find it really easy to post from my phone now. I click on the picture icon, then select a file from my phone's gallery. Sometimes have to crop slightly for it to work, as file is presumably too large .....

nihahi

Love the pic mo!!!! According to the mods....my phone is too "outdated" to fit into their recent upgrade....the phone works fine for me, I have no intentions of modifying it...last time I "upgraded" my phone, I lost everything in my contact list!