In shock

edithesther

Thanks Benny, just getting to the acceptance part and started to read information leaflets from the breast clinic again.

 Perhaps I shouldn't have as now feel really sick,

 DH keeps saying he thinks I should go to bed perhaps he is right. Night everybody Bless you all.

edithesther

Thanks Benny, just getting to the acceptance part and started to read information leaflets from the breast clinic again.

 Perhaps I shouldn't have as now feel really sick,

 DH keeps saying he thinks I should go to bed perhaps he is right. Night everybody Bless you all.

bennymuffins

Lesley, your words are so reassuring and uplifting that I copied and pasted them into a Word document, increased the font, made them bold, then printed them off and taped them to the side of the computer! Thanks for making me feel better ♥  I am definitely still sorting through this whole thing, still expecting the doctor to tell me they made a mistake, even tho' I'm post-op. It all happened so fast!

I just got some good news tho'..... my new horse is on her way to my place! She boarded the trailer at 3:30 Manitoba time and I will expect her some time tomorrow. This is MAJOR motivation for me to get better. But I will bide my time appropriately and not overdo it. I can't even wear a bra yet. The day when I can just sling my saddle up over my horse and ride off, content that I can handle anything she throws my way, seems so far off in the future.

Edith, I am the same as you when it comes to receiving information. Sometimes I'm better off not knowing things haha. I deliberately avoided some of the info workshops and pamphlets because I knew it would just worry me more. I wish I could go with you tomorrow, but DH sounds fantastic and you'll be home before you know it. I wish you a restful sleep tonight and please log in when you get the chance. We'll all be here waiting to hear from you. ♥

geebung

I hope you have a good sleep Benny, filled with carefree dreams of riding one of your horses, the wind in your hair and the sun warm on your back. Hugs.

curveball

@bennymuffins,

what kind of horse is your new one? And is the horse in your avatar one of yours also? It has been many years since I have ridden a horse and I never did it very often. I'd probably dislocate my hip if I tried it now. Better stick to cats!

bearcub

Editheser, it is midnight my time and I imagine you are in surgery now since you are in Britian and hours ahead....have a nice snooze and may your surgery go perfect......take care ((hugs))

bennymuffins

I hope Edith is doing okay this morning. I think it's 7 hours ahead from me so around suppertime now for her. Maybe they're even walking her around to help the general anesthesia wear off. We're pulling for you Edith!

Geebung, thank you for that lovely visual of riding! Did you envision it on a beach? That's where I'm seeing it

Curveball, I only have one horse and that is the one coming out today sometime. I just ride other people's horses. I had one horse but she died in December 2011 of old age (27). I was absolutely devastated over her loss. Then I bought another one but she died suddenly of colic 54 days after I got her on June 9 of this year. She was sick when I got her, a rescue of sorts, and I blew the bank on antibiotics, etc, but to no avail. This new horse is older so well seasoned and bomb-proof, right up my alley as I don't bounce very well anymore (grin). She was given to me by a very compassionate friend who knows I'm an excellent horse-mommy. He was down-sizing his herd and wanted her to go to a good home. All I had to do was pay for shipping, which was just under a thousand. The barn owner has waived my board costs while I'm on disability, so I have a lot of good friends working together to help me get this horse. She was given to me in July and it has taken this long to find someone to haul her out west, so I was beyond thrilled when they called me yesterday. I also have a few friends who are committed to caring for her til I can get back on my feet and do it myself. While I appreciate this, I am so worried she will bond with them instead of me! LOL The horse in my avatar is just one I found on the 'net, but I will change it to mine once I get a chance to take a good picture of her. She is a 20 year old Tennessee Walking horse, 15.1 hands, very fit and active, described as having a bit of an attitude but will do anything for molasses cookies. She is a light sorrel and I have already bought the perfect saddle pad for her. And she's got a ton of mane and tail hair so if I lose my hair during chemo I can make a wig out of it (j/k)!!

Curve, if you had a really well-trained bombproof horse to ride you'd be fine. But I hear ya on the cat thing. Benny woke me up gently this morning by stroking my cheek with his warm fuzzy paw. He has been by my side since this horror began and my biggest fan.

I'm looking forward to hearing about Edith's riding lessons once she's healed!

I'm still sore today (day 5, the days are dragging), and I'm having bee-sting pain down the back of my arm - very painful). The doctor changed my meds from Tylenol #3 to percocet so I am taking one every 4 hours but might have to up it to two.

liefie

Benny,

 Just want to say hi, and that I hope your pain will go away soon. Aren't cats just amazing? Mine is lying in my lap sleeping, and keeping me warm as I type. And yes, she was there for me all these months during treatment. Best wishes, and enjoy your new horse! 

geebung

Benny, I'm so sorry about your pain and hope the bee stings calm down soon. I remember my SNB was very sore for a few weeks afterwards and I had a lot of lymph build up because I had my drains removed too early.

I loved hearing about your horse! The Tennessee Walking horse sounds wonderful (I read up on them). Great temperament and easy to train it said and the sorrel colour is gorgeous. I adore horses - there is something so comforting about their smell - love to kiss their velvety noses. I haven't ridden for years but I would love to do it again one day. I've only ever owned one horse - got her for my 10th birthday - she was a sweet natured, bay mare called Gypsy. I've loved and ridden a lot of my sisters's horses too.

Now I just have a sweet cat called Blossom who is an affectionate blue tortoise shell (I think they're called blue calicos in the US).

Edith, am thinking of you too and hope you are recovering well, with minimal pain.

edithesther

Hi to all you lovely ladies. Slept badly and woke up wanting to open the door and run away. DH calmed me down and off we went.

 Had to go to one hospital to have wires inserted to help surgeon find my BC accurately. This was the start of an amazing day, the staff were kind, supportive and so positive I started to think I  can't let them down either so took a deep breath and went to the second hospital for the operation.

 They were waiting for me and before I knew it I was prepared, silly gown and socks too. They let my DH come with me to the  doors leading to the operating theatre.   Quick goodbye to DH then chat to surgeon, lots of laughter and silly jokes then drifting off into blissful sleep. When i came around I really thought I was home in bed and all this was still to come the realisation that it was over was wonderful. Two slices of hot buttered toast and a cup of tea later I realised that all my fears were unfounded. I was sent home six hours later and at the moment tiny bit sore, but with lots of pain relief on hand. A really bright blue right boob ( from the injection for lymph nodes Thursday ) and never again will I be such a coward.  

Benny hope your pain easing, . Your new horse is very lucky to have you as their mom.  

Hope all of you have a restful sleep and a pain and stress free day. 

Lesleyanne67

Hope everyone here has a terrific weekend.



Benny - keep on keeping on.



Edith - terrific news! Speedy recovery

liefie

Glad for you, Eithesther! Keep us up to date, please.

bonnets

Edith, Glad things went well for you.

bearcub

Edith wow that was brave moving from one hospital to another with those wires in, I was frightened just crossing the hall, mind you they put a paper cup over them and I kinda looked like I was wearing one of those weird Madonna bras!



So happy for you it went so well, happy healing!...I still have blue on my boob!

curveball

@bennymuffins, sorry to hear about the death of your earlier horses but I bet you are glad to have another one coming. I haven't been without at least one cat for something like 30 years and hope I will always have one or more. In riding, I never even got to the point of being able to keep my feet in the stirrups at a canter.

Can you work with your horse on the longe or driving to bond with her, before you can sling saddles and hay bales and the like? Or would that be even more difficult than riding?

edithesther

Good Morning lovely ladies, first day after operation today. Slept like a baby last night so feel like a new woman ( bet DH wishes I was ) every time I turn around a tray of food appears I will soon put on weight I lost at this rate. Boob aching bit like pulled muscle pain, Ibuprofen helps but it isn't bad and I know I am a lucky lady. After shower looked in mirror and blue boob looks back ! Makes things look much worse than they are, bruising starting but hey ho that will fade. Best part is my BC cut out, just hope it hasn't left anything behind or spread, two weeks until I know so going to have to cross that bridge when I get to it.

Bearcub the wire thing was scarey !! they placed big pad over it and then I had my sweater over that. Got to second hospital, nurse doing BP pulls wire of machine over me and I thought she had caught it !! luckily just the strip of the dressing so panic over.

Benny hope you are feeling better, sending out some of my lucky healing vibes to you now.

Thank you bonnets,Lesley and liefie healing vibes to you all too. X

bearcub

Edith, I do not want to imagine what that might have been like...you go girl, wow you really sound in control, I love it!!



Benny, time will heal everything up and before you know it you will be back in the saddle. You can still brush your new baby, or give him/her some alphalfa cubes or grain, lunging may have to wait a bit but a nice walk or just grooming and talking will help with the bonding, also if you blow lightly up the nose they tend to remember your smell. I am excited for you, a new halter and lead rope maybe in pink would be beautiful!



My DH and myself got our first kitten the day after we were married and have never been without animals since....36 years this Dec.

We currently have a half Chesapeake and half border collie, who is 9 named Emma and a Siamese who is 4 named Lily..they are our kids now that the kids are grown...They have sat with me and given me unconditional love in some pretty low moments. Thank god for our pets.

edithesther

Hearing about your lovely pets brings a little tear to my eye.

 For fifteen years we had the sweetest little yorkshire terrier. She was bought for me by my DH, but she adored him and only him !

 Six years ago he discovered a small lump near her teat, straight to the vet and the diagnosis of BC came back. Further tests showed it was a really bad strain and she wouldn't be around much longer.

That amazing little dog lived another five years with no treatment other than the removal of her teats down one side of her body.DH told her she would be ok and she believed him. He says the same to me and I too believe him.We must all believe it won't beat us !!

bennymuffins

It's been 5 days since surgery and I still feel so sick...... how much longer before I feel better?  In severe pain, can't eat, extremely weak. Is this normal?

julz4

Benny....I would say this is not normal.  Pain can do all kinds of things to our bodies.  Why is your pain not better?   I wonder if you could be getting an infection.  My arm was very painful there due to the SN biopsy.  In fact I still feel some achyness & spasms of pain & I had my surgery in May.  Are you using ice at all?  I used ice for a few weeks.  A bag of peas were what I used.  Sometimes one pain med works better than another.  You might have to try a different one.  I would definately call the Dr's on Monday & see what they say.  Try to eat a little something if you can. What ever might feel right to you at the moment.  I hope you can get some relief soon. 

bearcub

Edith, your DH is right, you have done great so far, we do not have an expiry date, your sweet terrier proved that...Love does wonders.



Benny, I agree with Julz call the doctor Monday. If you are still having pain. I would check to see if you are running a fever, if you are go to emergency it could be an infection.



Take care

curveball

@bennymuffins, is there a consulting nurse or other off-hours person you can call for advice? If there is, I suggest you call and talk with them now. Even if they say you don't need to see a doctor right away, they may be able to suggest some self-care to relieve pain and help you feel better. I find it relieves mental stress (which you certainly don't need right now!) to be told there is nothing terribly wrong with me, even if I feel really miserable.

I agree with julz4 and bearcub. Check your temperature to make sure you have no fever (and if you do, call your doctor's office or the ER right away). Eat something, even if it's just a little. Then put the cat next to your head, listen to that sooooothing purr, and try to get some sleep.....

edithesther

Oh Benny you poor love  please ,please contact someone, that is what they are there for. Try a little cereal ie. porridge or my favourite is a little bread ( buttered ) cut into cubes with warm milk a little sugar and a pinch of mixed spice if you have it. Easy to eat and digest. My Mum always gave it to us when we were weak, ill and couldn't face anything else. Don't give up Benny, curveball is right cuddle your cat . Thinking of you today x 

liefie

Benny, constant pain will make you tired and weak. You should not be in such pain anymore, and it sounds as if painkillers are not working for you. Can you get to an ER, maybe? Hugs to you!

Edithesther, so glad you're doing well - keep it up!

bennymuffins

I let my pain med schedule lapse a bit, got dehydrated, didn't eat, and man was I sick! I called EMS and they came and took my vitals. Was severely dehydrated and low blood sugar. I live alone and so there's no one here to monitor what I'm doing (and not doing). Back on the regular pain schedule (oxycodone), a friend brought me over a flat of Gatorade, and my appetite has returned. It amazes me that I still need this level of pain control a week after surgery. Going to have some soup now. On the upside, I've lost 10 pounds since this all began! My horse will appreciate the weight loss. Benny didn't know what to make of the EMS guys and so pounced on the blood pressure cuff. It was quite amusing! Good thing the guy liked cats!

My sleeping schedule is erratic. I was wide awake at 0200 and so got up and did a load of laundry and some dishes, then had to lie down. I desperately want to see my new horse.

Edith, so glad to hear everything went well. You sound positively fantastic! I wish I had a DH!

curveball

@bennymuffins, I didn't even think of dehydration! I'm glad to hear you got some help and are feeling better now. Is that your cat now in the avatar? He looks like maybe a Maine Coon or Norwegian Forest cat? Many years ago I had a big ginger & white cat of similar coloring. He had legs like tree trunks and extra toes on all four feet. We used to tell him if he was a naughty cat we would make him into a cat-skin coat sleeve. ;^) That was the origin of his nickname, "the Pelt". At 16 lbs he was big enough to have done it, too. Fortunately for him, he was a good kitty (most of the time). Did your horse arrive OK and on schedule? Keep it up with the meds, hydration and eating, and you will be over at the barn feeding her molasses cookies in no time. Sweet dreams.

edithesther

Hi Benny, how wonderful to hear you got help !

. Dehydration really awful, then low blood sugar as well ! I am diabetic and it can make you so confused and spaced out. Please eat little and often, give yourself little treats throughout the day you need to keep that level.I have only had it as bad as you once many years ago. I walked through an Austrian Hotel in my pj's ( luckily not see thru ) thought I was dreaming at the time. DH realised I had left the bedroom and found me sitting in the dining room next to a really startled couple as I ate a bowl of cereal. Don't ever want to repeat that. :-( 

Our  bodies have been through the mill, pain is awful but keep up the meds, I hate tablets but hate pain more.

If you can't sleep find a goal, don't think about not sleeping, you will eventually. I have always wanted to write a book, never had time, now I have that will fill my wakeful hours. If I ever finish it will send you a copy. Sure by then you will be too busy riding your new horse to read it. I have told everyone that I am learning to ride. After the laughter stops they look at me with new eyes. This is MY time, my needs are paramount BC has made this happen.I now say what I am thinking, main one is NO. Feel liberated.!

DH is so good, he is back at work today and have txt him to say all ok.Will potter about, bit of laundry, excercises ( don't want a frozen shoulder ) Seems he enjoys housework, now I let him do it, ha ha. If people offer help and I am sure they will, let them do it Benny they get back more than they give, Karma.

Keep cuddling your gorgeous cat. I still cuddle mr ted he doesn't purr worse luck, DH snores, not quite the same. 

May healing and joy rain down on all you lovely ladies today and every day.

liefie

Oh Benny, that cat is so adorable. He looks like a big boy. Take good care of yourself, eat and drink well, and don't forget the pain medication - bet you won't make that mistake again. Soon you will feel part of the human race again!

Edith, this is YOUR time indeed. Don't let them forget that! Your hubby sounds like a honey.

edithesther

Good afternoon, one months rain has fallen in 24 hrs in parts of England !! Seems so unfair when it is needed elsewhere on this planet.

 Hope you are pain free and content. I have just spent two hours with my dear friend Bel. She is two years on from double mastectomy, chemo, radio, and her ceptin. She looks amazing, fit healthy and full of life. She found her lump just before routine mammogram. She doesn't smoke, drinks rarely, walks miles and led a very healthy life. BC really doesn't care who it hits.

Our Daughter and her son are getting married next year. You can imagine how much she and I are looking forward to that !

I have very little pain or discomfort and feel like a bit of a fraud. Keep peeking down my bra to check it all definitely happened. Not deeply religious but so many prayers have been said by friends and family, someone somewhere must be listening.

May healing, love and joy pour over each and everyone of you.

edithesther

Good afternoon, one months rain has fallen in 24 hrs in parts of England !! Seems so unfair when it is needed elsewhere on this planet.

 Hope you are pain free and content. I have just spent two hours with my dear friend Bel. She is two years on from double mastectomy, chemo, radio, and her ceptin. She looks amazing, fit healthy and full of life. She found her lump just before routine mammogram. She doesn't smoke, drinks rarely, walks miles and led a very healthy life. BC really doesn't care who it hits.

Our Daughter and her son are getting married next year. You can imagine how much she and I are looking forward to that !

I have very little pain or discomfort and feel like a bit of a fraud. Keep peeking down my bra to check it all definitely happened. Not deeply religious but so many prayers have been said by friends and family, someone somewhere must be listening.

May healing, love and joy pour over each and everyone of you.