Anniversary Reaction??

Nel138281

I was DX on September 27, 2011. I am thinking an anniversary reaction as the date approaches. Depressed, down, not much energy.  Thank goodness I Have work or I may not ever get out of bed.  I have also finished the majority of treatment, 5 or 6 more herceptin that will end in January 2013.   A combination of ending treatment and anniversary or have I lost my mind.  I don't cry easily or often ( talk to my therapist about that!) and have been "strong" throughout cuz that is what I do.  Wish I could jsut come apart at the seams and get it over with.

Thoughts, others experiences?   Thanks for listening

Nel

LAstar

Can you do something special for yourself on the anniversary like a spa day or massage?  Or take a little trip?  It would be nice to have something that you can look forward to so you don't dread the day and something that will set the tone for a much better year to come!  

My 6-month anniversary of diagnosis will be on my birthday.  I think I will take my own advice! 

Rowan47

Hi Nel, I think anniversaries are what you make them. My dx anniversay date was Feb this year. It didn't really bother me, just couldn't believe how fast the year had gone!! I did, however, feel very tearful and emotional last week, leading up to the anniversary of my BMX. I guess I am still grieving for my boobs, even though I have adjusted and am happy with being "flat and fabulous"!! I had decided that I would buy myself a beautiful bunch of flowers on this date every year, as a private tribute to myself for a job well done. I really didn't expect anyone to remember, why should they? For them, life is going on as normal. I was thrilled when my DH presented me with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. He remembered, but said he wasn't sure whether he had done the right thing by giving me flowers. I told him that it was perfect and the day was actually a happy one. Try not to dwell on the sad moments. Spoil yourself - you deserve it, sweetie

mags20487

I just passed my 1 yr from DX and yesterday was 1 yr from BMX.  What a year it has been.  We did go away for a nice weekend with friends and are doing it again this weekend.  Keeps my mind occupied.  I have has several moments of wanting to burst into tears when I think about last year and the emotions I was feeling then.  So easy to pull it up to the mind as if it is happening again now.  I miss my boobs so much and cannot believe they are gone.  I guess I just assumed that they would go to the grave with me not before me.  We all deal with all of this so differently.  I like Rowan47's attitude..flat and fabulous...can I add fat flat and fabulous to that statement??LOL  Do something either alone for yourself or with those who have loved and supported you through this ordeal.  Whatever feels right to you.  I now see the need to do things for myself now that I did not do bc ( before cancer)  We do deserve to treat ourselves and be just a little pampered.  Love and Hugs

Maggie

Anonymous

Nel, my 1 year will be 9/29, just 2 days after yours. I'm feeling much the same as you: confused, sad, angry about my dx all over again, fearful again, and very protective of my body. My white count was low according to my gynocologist (who orders these for my yearly exams) and now my oncologist is hyperventilating about it, wanting me to get another test, and I feel invaded and attacked, as though they're trying to tell me I'm sick all over again.  I see my oncologist in less than two weeks and I'm afraid about that too. 

It's all coming back to me all over.  I feel what you are going through.

Claire in AZ

1vamom

my 2 year "anniversary" of mx is tomorrow.  literally about to explode.  2 year is important to me because this was my goal of being "through,"  there are many factors to this, including the date when i would have to enroll my daughter in 1st grade, and give up my insurance.

2 years ago, this was the date when i would be on my way to "normal."  Due to MANY factors, a rotten domestic situation, being on Medicaid and having to lie about my adddress, living situation, etc., but mostly just my own damn fault for not pulling it together, finding my own place where i could safely go through reconstruction surgery, with or without support of anyone I am...

Still stuck with an expander, which hurts, has leaked and traveled towards my armpit, which keeps me awake, still, every night.  Scar from mx still stings, and feels like fresh cutting frequently.  Even still have the port in from chemo, from summer 2009 before surgery, which nobody wanted to remove until I had reconstruction because they didn't want to open me up unnnecessarily.  No place near "finished."  And so angry with all who brushed Cancer off as "at least I'd have new tits."  One "friend" told me now I'd be a beautiful swan.  As opposed to the ugly duckling I am now?  Chemo hair grew back curly and full, but I am so misshapen and down, I can't get it together to cut it in any sort of fashion, so now just pin it back with a barrette.  I can't shop, because I can't stand to look at myself, and keep telling myself the old thing about how you can't put lipstick on a pig, as you waste your lipstick and irritate the pig.

The only thing that keeps me going is my wonderful beautiful daughter who is now 6, we homeschool every day, she loves me so much she doesn't like to leave my side.  I have to admit, I have thought that my much older son would benefit more from insurance $$$ rather than  me being here, although I know that would make him sick to hear. 

Just really down, nobody understands.  Daughter's father, with whom we live, but is little more than a roommate, rolls his eyes, and says "oh,jeez"" when I try to spill my "feelings."  (If feelings fall in the forest, but nobody is around to hear, do they make a sound?)

Anyway, it's a rotten day, tomorrow is a REALLY rotten day, but my parents are coming to visit, we are supposed to take my daughter for kittens at an adoption place, and I'm going to try to hold it together.

 My doctor is not someone I picked for being "good," only one I picked for being the only one around not connected to U.S. Oncology, my first onco I went thru chemo with was "corporate,"  and when i went to her for help when steroids (she prescribed) were literally making me crazy, she told me to take my mental health issues elsewhere.  Don't really feel like anyone is taking care or following up or is concerned at all about recurrence, except me.

Sorry for the bad vibe on this beautiful, caring site, but someone asked, and I have promised myself if anyone asked about cancer in this upcoming pink duct tape month, I would tell them.  The truth.  Breast Cancer certainly is not pink, and I am no Pink Warrior.   Sorry to all who expect it,  it just isn't me... 

meglet

For my Mom's anniversary of getting diagnosed with Stage IV MBC, we threw her an "I'm Not Dead Yet" Party. We were going to make it a yearly celebration but she passed two months before her second anniversary.