I'm Back, I'm Grouchy, I'm BALD

kane744

Sorry I haven't posted for awhile. After the beginning of chemo on 8-1, was sick as a dog. I actually forgot how awful that first week can be. Still, was better than the last time. I wasn't bedridden. I could read. The Olympics kept me occupied when I had to zone out. All in all my personal triumph.

Saturday was my best day and coincided with a break in weather, in the 70s and no humidity. I sat on the deck for several hours enjoying the gardens and stayed out of the sun. Sunday, the shit hit the fan. Woke up with me scalp on fire and my fingernails raking through the itches. My palms were on fire and itchy. Then uder my arms, then groin. By 10:30 pm we were off to the ER, me thinking this can't be cellulitis. It wasn't. Hives. It was the 11th day after chemo so it wasn't reaction to that. DH and I went over everything I used, ate, did and couldn't figure out what it the cause was. Anyway, the medical team mixed me up a nice drug cocktail, injected into my port and half hour later the itch was tolerable, the swelling in my hands down and it was sweet relief.

They told me not to wear compression for a couple days. Another sweet relief. Took it easy, elevated, rested, MLD'd three times a day and came through OK. Today I felt I needed compression so donned my sleeve and gauntlet and will take off if need be.

Myofacial is completely gone under left used to be breast, and releasing nicely on right, where previous radiation presented more of a challenge. Am still swollen and don't feel comfortable getting foobs yet. What's the rush, right?

Hair started falling out in buckets yesterday and almost bald in front. Gonna get it all shaved off this afternoon. Got my "Hair by Chemo" hat ready. No wigs, no scarves for me.

My biggest challenge is losing my anger over cancer coming back.  Intellectually, I realize I'm a lot better off than many women. Emotionally, it's a big "why me." But slowly, am gaining control over that crap. I do not miss my boobs. Not one bit. This surprises me, since I was so wrecked at the thought of having a BMX.

 Am having a lot of nerve regeneration issues but discovered if I stand up, do some shoulder rolls and chest stretches, I get some relief. Sometimes, though, I can't stand to have clothing touch my skin and have to give in and sit here chest exposed. 

I've been trying to think of a short term for "my chest formerly known as boobs." Any ideas anyone?

Excuse any typos, chemo brain has set in.

kira66715

Oh Kane, it's so good to hear from you--and it sure sounds like a rough patch. Every day a new challenge.

Why shouldn't you be angry--it's cosmically not fair.

Thinking hard about the chest naming--nothing as smart as Suzy would say is coming to mind--you should ask her, she is brilliant with words.

Hair by chemo--love the spunkiness.

Hang in there, and thank you for letting us know how you're doing.

hugz4u

Aw Kane, I am sorry you are having a " rough go at it". We missed you so much and are glad you have got enough energy to come on the threads. 

I would get terrible nausea with chemo. Then they slowly put my anti -nausea in the drip line and it really helped. (The first chemo they just sent me home with anit-nausea and I became violently ill ) Still that first week is awful. Hang in there. You have us for support.

Did you read that 5 girls are attending the Ohio  LE summit? They have posted. They are really encouraging girls and they will for sure post the latest LE developments. Keep tuned into that. 

Yah Kane ,You deserve to be angry with BC rearing it's ugly head. You can rant here any time, we totally understand. Yes, you are best to go and get rid of your hair as seeing it fall is so sad. I went to a man's barber shop and said. "you know how to shave a head, go for it." We all smiled. What else can you do about it? I felt better with it off rather than sweeping it off my kitchen floors continously. A pretty pair of small gold hoop earings given to me made me feel more womanly. 

Yah... if you can go bare chested and more comfy then do it. I walked around home bare chested after rads. Who cares, it's you that needs to be comfy.

 I am so glad you reported in.   We are here to help you!

Good to see you got over the BMX worries.  

BeckySharp

Oh Kane--so good to hear from you but so sorry you are having a rough time.  I was driving through KY on my up and back from the LE Summit and I was thinking of you and wondering how close I came to "your neck of the woods".  Hang in there and it is okay to be angry.  Hugs....

Binney4

Kane, thank you so much for making the effort to let us know how you are. It matters to us! Hugs, prayers,
Binney