Recovering Addicts? Experience strength and hope please...

juneaubugg

I'm post surgery and through it, but experiencing pain from cording/pre lymph SEs, and my TE (fully expanded) and about to start chemo. I am struggling with not asking for more pain Meds. I didn't sleep almost all night with the pain and I'm a mess.



Anyone else with experience or a better spiritual condition then me today????

lisa_anne

Hi there Juneaubugg,

Yes this is quite the problem.  I am also a recovering addict.  Pain meds were my problem also and 1 year after getting off of them I was diagnosed with BC.  

If you need them, you need them.  I had to just tell myself this is different and although I could have been totally fine and only took what I needed I chose to give the meds to my husband and he gave them to me as instructed.  This gave both of us peace of mind.  Just don't let your addiction try to trick you.  You know what I mean?  Good luck sweetie

Natkat

I have fear to become addicted so i alternate sometimes 1 day no meds. Always take minimal amount - less than scrip. I am buddhist - today i discovered my pain actually decreased while chanting 1 hour. Good luck to you and hope this helps.

Stormynyte

I agree with lisa. If you need them you need them. Need is not the same as want. There is no reason to suffer, take what you NEED to control the pain.

I like the idea of letting someone else be in charge of the meds also. If you have any fears that you can't handle it, let someone else handle it for you. That is a great idea and takes the stress off you. 

Wishing you the best

Stormy

cinnamonsmiles

Having severe pain that is out of control and not getting good sleep to heal your body and mind is not good either.I thought there was some kind of saying that when the mind is weak? I would think that suffering in pain and not sleeping could set you up for a relapse. I agree with Stormy that you NEED to control the pain.There may also be some physical or occupational therapy that may help you as well.

Shrek4

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ICanDoThis

My problem was, and is, that I have so totally rejected addictive substances, down to the bottom of my soul, that when I need them, I cannot tolerate them.

Versed gives me hallucinations of knights in shining armor, cutting the strings of the drug, all around my gurney.

When I had knee surgery last year, I had a long conversation with my surgeon and my anesthesiologist about drugs, and I agreed to morphine. However, when I woke up late the next day, my DH told me that I had refused morphine several times. Really? Do not remember.

I would take the painkillers during physical therapy to manage the pain, and sometimes actually threw them up.

Which says volumes for the quality of my program, but not a lot about how to manage pain.

hopefully, there is no more surgery in my future, as I am not looking forward to coming up with new strategies for additional surgeries.

melmcbee

Im so sorry that you are going thru this. I was worried about being addicted so I started slowly alternating between the pain pills and ibuprophen, aleve and tylenol. Our bodies become almost immune to them if we take the same thing. It helped me. I would use lots of ice packs as well. I also had a prescription for xanax and I think that helped with the pain. I took melatonin to sleep which worked for about 2 weeks till I started getting headaches.  Good luck to you and healing thoughts are coming your way.

ridergirl

Day i have a very good friend who has been diagnosed with fibro, and i dont know how she does it. It is as you said pain 24/7 no matter what you are doing. She has been and is on several prescription meds, none of which seem to do very much for very long. She has actually just recently got her card which allows her to purchase and smoke marijuana for medical purposes. I dont think that it totally takes the pain away but does seem to help some and also allows her to sleep. Doesnt look like an easy road you are on its hard for me to see her hurt that bad. Just wanted to let you know someone has an idea how you feel.

bluepearl

The good news is they now will be coming out with an addiction blocking morphine that still addresses pain effectively. If you need pain meds TAKE them. If you don't, sometimes your brain will form a pathway so that when healing is done, there is still pain but in the brain, not the surgical area.....so...take your meds and do not chase around the pain. That being said, most surgical pain resolves itself over time....sometimes a long time, like 3 years or more. It can diminish slowly. I took ativan for 8 months (1mg per evening) and cold turkeyed it...maybe a twinge of anxiety the following day, then nothing. Antidepressants can help with pain, most notably the trycyclic ones (nortritilyne), But be perpared because sometimes, as what happened to my friend, all of a sudden it disappeared. I still have some but it is tons better than last year this time when I thought I didn't think I could live my life like this anymore. I took just under the recommened regular 8 hour tylenol/24 hr period.....4 g.....my liver is excellent. Now, I may take one tylenol 8-hour a day. And, if I have used my arm too much, A535 or absorbine junior. 100% aloe is a nice cool feel too and helps. Anyway, keep in mind your pain can and probably will diminish and even go away PLUS this new pill with the addiction-blocking component to it probably coming out soon!!!!

juneaubugg

What I have learned so far is if my spiritual condition is OK, then I'm ok. I stay connected and take as prescribed... But still want more....ah, always going to be an addict, just not living in the nightmare again.



Its hard, but easier on the treatments. Balance right...

SimplyAudrey

Balance is right.  Medications are a tool.  Some use them as toys to get them to a state of mind (nothing to do with pain, anxiety, etc).

Keep them as a tool.....be accountable to yourself (and your doc) for what you take.....but stay AHEAD of the pain.  Playing catch up can only lead us to places we don't need to go! (Medication Journals are good.......pain level, what you took, and your pain level afterwards - share that with your doc prescribing the meds)

Spiritual condition.....keep that FIT!  Meditation, prayer, reaching out, staying away from HALT....... CRITICAL.

Meetings?  If you can't get out, have some friends come over.  It's amazing what a little laughter can do for pain!

BEST of LUCK, and a big HUG for you!

Pinkgirl01

Hi I'm in recovery and am going through chemo I'm nearly finished and have mt last chemo next week thank god! I have found it very hard. Feeling so ill I haven't been able to get to many meetings and I haven't worked out if its the chemo that's making my head mad or my illness any thoughts ?? 😘

ICanDoThis

for me, missing meetings makes my head mad all by itself!

 Do you have a good program support network, so that there are people you can call and share with. My sponsor has a good hand for holding.

Pinkgirl01

Hi yes I do have program and support but sometimes I feel they don't really understand what we go through with this treatment. At times I feel soo alone thank you for replying 😘

SimplyAudrey

Pinkgirl......there are on-line meetings as well.  I have used thouse when I can't make a "live one".  If you can do computer chat, these meetings work.  Also folks hang on line to chat 24 7 so there's always someone to talk to.  Talk about anonymity!  LOL....but it works.  And you're not waking someone up...they're already awake like here!

PM me if you'd like details.

With Love and Faith,

A

SherylB

Hi all,

Need to vent. I am a nurse in a recovering nurse program called Intervention Program for Nurses (IPN). Unfortunatly this is my second time in the program after staying clean for 8 years I relapsed. My choice of medication was pain meds, opiates. I had been clean this time for 2 years 2 months when I had my first surgery, the lumpectomy SLNB, I took pain meds post op, then after being off them for about 5 days I got cording under my arm from the SNB and swelling and a seroma in the breast. Then with the port had a few pain meds and then wound up in hospital with cellulitis/infection at port site and wanted to rip my chest open it hurt so bad so had more pain meds and went home on them for a few days. Had my first chemo 1/10 and my MO "didn't feel comfortable giving me pain meds." Just take ibuprofen and tylenol which I have taken the max dose for years for bad back and arthritis so taking more really wasn't an option. Two days after the Neulasta shot taking the claritin, ibuprofen, and tylenol and the pain hit so bad in my neck, shoulder, back, thighs all I could do was moan and cry. Called on call doc and got pain meds. Needless to say all of this pain medication over 6 weeks got me referred to a pain management doctor who wanted to discuss nothing but my poor recovery program and his concern that I was taking opiates which had been my drug of choice. I agree that my recovery program has been weak to piss poor and that the opiates did make me mentally feel better, but I was managing ok (who knows for how long). Remember I am followed by IPN and subject to drug screens 5 days per week, see a psychiatrist, psychologist, and have mandatory meetings weekly so I am not out running amok. I am not working right now on STD so no potential harm to the public.

My problem is my fear, every pain I feel whether imagined or real scares me that it will get out of control and I can't do anything about it. Can you say lack of control and powerlessness. Next chemo is Thursday and I am already dredding the SE esp. of the neulasta if as bad as last time. The pain doctor did put me on a butrans patch but at the lowest dose and I have been on since Friday and don't feel any relief with my chronic back pain. Also, it is for chronic pain not acute. I guess I am just really pissed off that during this treatment time of surgery and chemo my focus has to be on my recovery and complying with alll the rules and not on my feelings. OK now I am whining, I know this is a consequence of my addicition but it doesn't take away the feelings I have. I will have to get back on track, stay on track etc. I have 10 more years until retirement and IPN won't let me work as a nurse if I don't comply.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. This doesn't seem to be an active site so it may not even be read but at least I got it out.

Sheryl