Saw my Oncologist for the first time last week and hate him.

ivylynn

Ladies,

I'm newly diagnosed with Stage IIB.  Had my lumpectomy on 6/20 and saw the Onco on 7/21.  He wants to start chemo asap.  I'm getting port installed tomorrow.  He did not provide me with any information in writing regarding my chemo.  He's ordered eight sessions to begin next week and I don't even know what he's giving me and why.  Is it normal for the oncologist to be so removed?  I am scared out of my mind right now and really don't think he's going to be there for me one bit.   Any suggestions?

momof3boys

Hi Ivy- I'm sorry that you're going thru this and that you hate your MO. My opinion is that your relationship with your oncologist is going to be long term, so you need to find one that you're comfortable with and who you believe is working for you! I think you should start with talking to other women you know who have BC in your area and get recommendations. If you don't know any, call your surgeon ASAP and explain the issue. Your surgeon can recommend another oncologist.

I knew my MO before my diagnosis (thru my community) and chose her because of her reputation, her demeanor, and that fact that shes dedicated her career to BC because her mom had it 16 years ago. I'm really comfortable with her. She returns calls quickly, even on new years eve when I was undergoing chemo and had a concern.

Have you had Oncotype testing done? This is something the oncologist orders and is instrumental in your chemo recommendations and treatment. It should be explained to you and you should receive literature on your chemo meds from your oncologist, so you know what to expect side effect wise.

Is there a breast cancer center in your area?

Did your oncologist go over your pathology report with you? Make sure you get copies of everything.....

D4Hope

I hated my first onc too. He acted like a jerk and told me to stop crying and I was lucky. If you are not comfortable with this man look for another onc. There is not an easy time for you and you need someone who is going to ease your fears as well as explain what your treatment will be, step by step. Good Luck hon.

camillegal

Personally Ivy if I felt that way I would want another onc. I immediately like mine and I truly proved to be right she was there for me always and called during the week and Id see her every week. I was lucky. U need someone who u fell 100% comfortable with and feel totally free with u'r feelings at all times. There's nothing wrong with changing Drs. for any reason. When I first saw my surgeon I felt that way but also knew his reputation so I went with it---after my surgery I loved him he was different than at first--he was always there for me and did other test that normally surgeons send u to someone else and he would do it-they were the simpke tests so he was well qualified he just didn't usually do those. Bit he was with me all the way. And my last operation with him there were different complications and he checked on me after every surgery and at the end of the day he sat with me to reassur me I was going to be fine. And the nurses didn't really like him cuz he was very hard on them with his patients so they were always teasing me about having to watch for him on the floor--by this time I was totally in love with him and he huged me, He had a horrible bedside manner and we ecen talked about that and he said he's work on it. My point is I so misjudged him he told me he so was concerned about his patients that he forgot to show that concern  cuz he took what he did very seriousy and I told him that should be part fo taking care of them. So find out about this Dr. but like I said u have every right to change Drs. and feel comfortable. Sorry I went on a rant, but sometimes Drs. are hard to read.

Dakota212

Newbie to this site but work in the medical field.I believe You have to feel comfortable with your dr. I think the others are right,call around

Anonymous

I too hated my first medical onc - unfortunately I did not listen to those around me who wanted me to go to the premier breast cancer onc, I was scared and being stubborn.  I had the wrong kind of chemo (highly allergic), and he was very unsympathetic to my secondary side effects after each treatment, and all of the problems I was having, and his office staff were no better, having no idea how to treat or help me.  When I decided to stop chemo, he agreed with me, then chastised me 2 weeks later when I came to him for a follow up, with a raging head full of pustules which were another terrible side effect infection that he had no idea how to treat. When he asked me 1 month later, how come you don't have any hair yet?  I looked at my husband and said, 'that's it, we're out of here' and I immediately booked an appointment with the oncologist I should have gone to in the first place.  She immediately told me she wouldn't have put me on that chemo, there were others that were better for me, etc.  She and her team have been treating me, royally, I might add, since then (August 2009) and I truly wish I had gone to her from the start.  She's an hour away, but worth the drive.  I figured that if I was going to have a long term relationship with my oncologist, I wanted one who had a caring team, was the best in the field and one I liked and trusted.  It's worth getting a second or third opinion and meeting other oncologists.  Sometimes we don't click with the first one.  Good luck!

Denise-G

I agree with everyone else.  RUN, don't walk to a new MO.  It is so important that you trust and care about him/her.  You are putting your life in their hands.  It is one of my Top Ten Things I learned about cancer - LOVE your medical team.  THEY ARE WORKING FOR YOU - YOU ARE PAYING THEM!  It is easy to forget that piece of info!

dlb823

Ivylynn ~ Absolutely find a different onc!  No matter whether it's a personality conflict or lack of confidence, the one you now have is NOT the right one for you.  You need someone who will take as much time as you need to answer all of your questions, as well as instill a strong sense of trust.  There's no shame in not liking a particular doctor.  Just interview one or two more to find one you like.  Remember, you will not only be seeing this person for chemo (IF your Oncotype score supports the need for chemo), but you will continue to see them for at least 5 years of followup appts.  So, by all means, find someone you like.  

Another tip... check out their infusion rooms.  I didn't bother to do this, but have since seen it suggested, and I think it makes a lot of sense.  There can be big differences in atmosphere, patient clientele, and nurses.  If you're going to need chemo, you might as well one pick one with a cheery atmosphere and staff, which probably filters down from an onc's positive approach and outcomes.   (((Hugs)))  Deanna

Moderators

Ivylynn,

There's always room to get a second opinion! Check out the main Breastcancer.org site for advice on Getting a Second Opinion.

Hope this helps!

--The Mods

camillegal

Cheley I think that was absolutely horrible how u were treated, I would have been furious. It wasn't just a bad personality it was so uncaring and mean. OMG and when it's happening u probably thought this is how it is. I can't imagine a Dr. being so awfulto u. What a terrible experience for u.

I'm glad u found another , it is well worth the ride. Good for u.

ivylynn

Thanks for the feedback.  I spoke with my GP and the surgeon who installed my port yesterday.  Not my BC, but in the same office.  They both recommended  the same female MO and I'm see her tomorrow.  The idea of seeing the original MO was giving me panic attacks.  He may be the best, but I'm certain he would not manage my SE or do anything to take care of the emotional side of this.

I got the port installed yesterday and the heart test earlier this week.  Now I need a MO who will work with me.

camillegal

Ivy I'm glad that's done for u and wish u the best with u'r new onc. Hope u get that ood feeling right away--make sure u tell us.

Cowgirl13

Ivy, great to hear you will be seeing someone else.  I didn't have good feelings about the first oncologist I interviewed.  She was one of the best.  It was a very successful practice also, but I sat in the waiting room for a while and it was too crowded also.

Up shot--I adored my oncologist who was my second opinion onc.  Loved everyone at the office.

Let us know how your visit goes tomorrow. 

leggo

I'll never forget my first oncologist. I'm in Canada and he was one of the many oncologists brought to Canada from the U.S. He was absolutely horrible. A terrible oncologist and a horrible human being. He came from California, bitched about the weather at every appointment, told me to quit crying, and refused to check into a tumor I had on my thyroid....I'll never forget this...said if it's cancer, it won't make any difference, I'd die anyway. I was so in shock after my diagnosis that I wasn't even in a state of mind to argue. He sent me into such a deep depression, I barely recovered. Thank goodness the complaints rolled in from others and he was fired. Last I heard he went back to California. If he's still practicing, my heart goes out to anyone who has him. Run...don't walk to another oncologist. Oh...and the most telling about how horrible he really was....said cancer just doesn't happen....I must have done something to bring it on and now I have to live with the consequences. Nice, huh? Glad to hear you've found another onc. A decent one can make all the difference. I really wish we could name names here...I'd love to out him for being the worst oncologist/human being a cancer patient could ever have the displeasure of meeting.

proudtospin

first RO that I saw took 3 cell phone calls while he was explaining radiation to me

I yelled and said I am not doing this, he responded but you have to do it, I will give you a referral to MSK.

I left and ran to a dif hospital where I found a really great RO who explained things to me

SelenaWolf

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I found - although my own MO is excellent and I love her - that the oncology nurses were fountains of information.  They were, always, willing to discuss the why's, what's, wherefore's and how-comes with me and, often, had more time to sit and discuss things with me in detail.  Often, I would forget to ask my MO something, so - rather than wait to the next appointment - I'd ask the oncology nurses.  Mine were wonderful.  And one- or two of them had become oncology nurses because they had had breast cancer.

Linda-n3

Ivy, I echo everyone above: RUN, don't walk to another onc! Glad you are scheduled to see someone.  I am surprised that you had a port installed before you even agreed to chemo.  Sometimes chemo is not recommended, based on type, grade, stage, and receptor status of your tumor.  You have to sign consents for every treatment and procedure done for you or to you, so be sure to ask LOTS of questions.  Basics are:

• What is this for?
• What are the benefits?
• What are the risks?  Side effects?  How do you manage the risks and SEs?  How often do you see SEs or adverse outcomes with this particular treatment or procedure?
• What is the evidence this is indicated in MY case???
• What would happen if I DON'T choose to do this?  What are my risks without it? (Know the difference between "relative risks" and "absolute risks".  For example, if your chance of recurrence is 20% without chemo, rads, hormonal, or targeted treatment, and the risk of recurrence WITH all of those is 18%, that is a 2% absolute risk reduction, but a 10% relative risk reduction, and the oncs will often use the relative risk reduction numbers because they make the treatment look way better than it is, but will use absolute risk when talking about SEs or adverse effects.  Be careful, go slow.  There really is no emergency here, a delay of a few days, weeks, or even a couple months will not likely be a problem because breast cancer takes years to develop for them to even find it to start with (7-12 years from the initial lesion to finding anything on exam or imaging).  Take some time, BREATHE, ask LOTS of questions, don't take anything at face value until you are very very comfortable with the explanations and plan.

I work in the healthcare field, and have had a very rough time with this myself, but went into this with a lot more knowledge than many.  I actually was OK with my MO, although I will likely get second opinion if I progress.  I fired my PCP who gave me a panic attack every time I saw her - we just weren't on the same page regarding my treatment.  I hate my BS, but she was highly recommended, and I should have gotten second opinion.  She provided the "standard breast care" but completely ignored taking care of me as a person.

Keep in touch - we are here for you.

cjsfamily

Go find yourself a new one. Believe me its no skin off his nose. I actually fired my first oncologist, I sat right in his office and said, I am fighting for my life here and need someone who is fighting just as hard for me, and that is not you so we are done.....I walked right out that door and had a huge sense of relief, you can do this, no one is gonna fight as hard for you as you!! Good luck

maize

IMO, if you can't get answers or the doctor is cold, it's smart to get a second opinion and just get another doctor, if at all possible.  I'd brought a list of suggested questions that I got straight from breast cancer books--this doctor didn't answer them.  I felt uncomfortable and almost irrelevant. When you're scared, faced with a diagnosis you don't understand, with treatments you don't know much about, the last thing you need is for your questions to be cavalierly disregarded.  It may not have been important to the doctor personally, but it was very important to me--vital, you could say.  I left there feeling more confused and frightened and sadder than before I arrived there.  

In my case, the doctor left and a nurse came in before I had a chance to get really any of my questions answered.   I did what ladies here advised and got a second opinion and am tremendously relieved that I did because the new doctors answered my questions without hesitation.

I wanted Mammosite or some other type like it.  As I was waiting for surgery, a news report flashed across the screen with the message that Mammosite is not as effective as conventional radiotherapy. I do not know whether or not that is true. It seems to me it would be less damaging to the skin, etc.  Already anxious about the surgery, I decided that I had enough to worry about, so I was going to find out about more about rads after the surgery was over. 

camillegal

It's funny, cuz my Drs. wanted to tell me step by step what was happening and going to happen and I told them if I have a question I'll ask and I hardky did ask.And they kept on wanting to explain--but I didn't want to here I'd say keep me out of it and do what u'r supposed to do.  That why I can never give certain advice because I really don't have a clue---They actually would get a little upset with me cuz I'd look up at the ceiling and ignore them. I was terrible and still am.

PaEaglesFan

I thought my first MO was a jerk too. The day after meeting with him I called my family dr and spoke to one of the nurses who is a BC survivor and she gave me the name of my current MO. It's funny how the manner chemo is presented to you can make all of the difference in the world. I felt like I was going into the decision with open eyes and a solid team of dr's & nurses behind me and I was going to be ok.

I hope you can find a dr that you are comfortable with.

Infobabe

 maize

About internal radiation.  It is best for either DCIS that is clustered in a small area less than 2cm or even better for IDC that is less than 2cm.  Do you fit this description?

purple32

Maize

You could also look into APBI ( accelerated partial breast irradiation) .  It is on the same schedule and the same idea as mammosite only 'easier' in a sense ! 

You go 5 days a week, twice a day . It is highly targeted. You get exactly the same dosage as it you went 33 times.

I was looking into it when I went to Boston.  It is not avail everywhere . You mihht want to google it. PM me if you want moe info.

I ended up opting out due to left breast and my lungs, but if I was going to have the rads at all, that would have been my first choice.

exbrnxgrl

Back to the op and her original topic...Hope everything went much better with your new mo. If you feel comfortable with a doctor and she makes you feel like you are the most important person on your treatment team, then you've found the right one. Like many others who have posted here, I did not feel comfortable with my first mo and moved on. Love my current mo and don't regret the switch. Best wishes, caryn

Cindi74

Get a new doctor.  This will be a long term relationship.  Had a friend that suffered through months with a bad fit before she changed.  I have a woman, and so far I think she is wonderful.

xxxxx

Newbie here but I have been a year with mine & LOVE him. I cried for a whole month after being diagnosed and if I had someone who was mean or rude to me I would have been totally LOST!! I also get all kinds of info without even asking so I think you did the right thing by finding a new one

Karen

marywh

In nc we have nurse-navigators.Mine is a true angel. If it were not for her the past almost five yrs. would have been truly awful. They work closely with all your drs. help you with all kinds of questions and are there for you all the time.

angelface

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.  That's very scary.

I saw my Oncologist for the first time on Tuesday this week & was amazed to find out that he's an old family friend!!!!!!!!  I guess he somewhere down the line moved into Oncology.  He & his wife are wonderful people.  my sister used to babysit for their son.  I was so relieved that he was my oncologist.  He has a really grim sense of humor but I know that he will take the best care of me possible.  this really helps me so I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through with this guy you're seeing.  I'd say maybe request someone else.

 hugs & prayers