Need help understanding...

stormyeyez

Need help understanding...

stormyeyez

Hello all,

I joined this forum because I didn't know where else to turn. I will start by telling you the circumstances that brought me here. A close family member was diagnosed a year or so ago with breast cancer. She had her right breast and lymphnodes removed on the right side. The doctor told her they had gotten to it early enough and everything looked good. Then, within a year she was diagnosed with brain and lung cancer and she just completed whole brain radiation last week. The docs did a biopsy on the lung cancer and found it was from the breast cancer as well and she is stage IV. So, I am assuming this is what is referred to as mets cancer. My loved one said she starts chemo on Fri. until she is in remission. She also has diabetes and smokes at least a pack of cigarettes a day and has for years. She has lost a lot of weight and has coordination problems/neuropathy.

I don't know much at all about cancer or what to expect. Is remission likely with this type of cancer? I am very lost on how to help or knowing what to do. She has a positive attitude and says she is going to beat this. I don't want to sound morbid but is that realistic? The entire family is struggling with how to be of help to her without "stepping on toes". I have so many thoughts/questions that I don't know how to put into words. Anything any of you could offer would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

blainejennifer

Stormy,

Your friend has Stage 4 breast cancer - that's for when you consult Dr. Google about it . In my layperson's opinion, her prognosis is guarded for two reasons: 1) Her cancer metastatized about a year after her primary diagnosis. That usually indicates a more aggressive form of the disease. 2) She has brain metastasis. This is harder to deal with, as the blood brain barrier prevents the chemotherapeutic drugs from getting to the affected area. Complete remission is unlikely, but there are ladies in the Stage 4 forum here who have been stable with brain mets for quite a while. In fact, look for the thread about brain mets survivors - lots of good news.

We stage fours are confounding the statistics every day! As to how to help her: be a good listener and follow her cues. Chemo will cause her to be fatigued, and if she has been used to a high level of independence, she could experience a great deal of frustration (or maybe that's just me, but it is the aspect of treatment that rankles the most).

There is also a caregiver's forum on this site. I'm not familiar with it, but the rest of the site rocks, so I'd expect good stuff from the forum.

Also, if she has internet access, tell her she will be warmly welcomed here. These ladies saved my fanny when I was first diagnosed.

Jennifer

lexibear

First of all, I am sorry you and your family member have to go through this. I recently lost my mother to BC and I will tell you be positive, always be positive.  The minute you stop being positive, your family member will know and that cannot happen. Every diagnois is different, my mothers dr's never gave timeframes, ever. We opted to treat the stage IV as a chronic illness rahter than a terminal cancer and anything is possible, every person is different, we are not statistics.  When we were first told that the BC had become stage IV all I could do was google and haunt the stage IV boards here and I warn you, do not google!  Most information is outdated, if you feel the need to research like I did, research here, the women and caretakers will direct you on where you should look.  If you need to here people that are living with Stage IV and are positive, take a look at the stage IV boards, these women are amazing and you will see that they are strong and surviving. Just remember, be positive and optomistic!  Good thoughts going out to you and your family through these tough times.  Alison