Talk, connect, I wonder.

MT1

Hi guys.

I am a woman, recovering from breast cancer and its treatment. I had bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction, I am flatter than a pancake. My hair is short and I am playing with androgyny a bit.

I have been thinking alot about breast cancer, society, gender. I wonder how you guys feel, as men, diagnosed with a disease that has been coopted by society to be about (female) breasts. Do you run across sexism in treatment, or from friends and coworkers? Do you get sick of all the 'save the ta-ta' hoopla? 

Has breast cancer made you start thinking or experiencing gender in a new way? 

If you had a nipple (or two) removed, would that stop you from taking off your shirt in a public setting? How is it for you? I would like to know. I hope you think it is ok to ask.

Melly 

1NippledBandit

I had one nipple removed two years ago.  It took me a few days to wrap my head around the fact that I had cancer and that it was not the most masculine cancer I could have developed.  I have always been a bit of a joker so I decided to spread the word about male breast cancer.  I was unaware at the time that men ever got this type of cancer.

I do take off my shirt when at public pools or water parks.  I get quite a few stares from teenagers mostly.  It doesn't bother me much.  It's kind of funny to see the double takes.

I have been given multiple "Save the Ta-Ta's" wrist bands from my friends.  They find it humorous (as do I).  I am even considering running a road race shirtless with a pink ribbon painted on my back.

 

I hope I have answered your questions.  Feel free to ask anything you like. 

MT1

I love your screen name! Humor really does help, doesn't it? My husband has been calling me the Titless Wonder. I want a t-shirt with a super hero type design with it!



Perhaps as a woman in our society, I feel like breasts are everywhere, maybe it is just because this is my current perspective too. I live in Manhattan, and the visual inundation of images is the norm. Folks here have a tendency to say whatever they think, I have been told I look like a man several times. Poor souls, I always wonder if they would like the back story.

And perhaps as a man, you have the experience of being able to take your shirt off, it is accepted. Right now, as I get used to being flat, just walking down the street sometimes feels like taking my shirt off. And although I feel 100% woman, gender is important in society. I think gender is a strange precept.

My husband and I were discussing this and he tried to imagine what it might be like by equating what I am experiencing to cross dressing. I suppose cross dressing has become a matter of course for women, not so for men.



I find it interesting that you don't feel modest at the pool. I am working on letting go of my sense modesty.

Thanks for responding.

1NippledBandit

In our society, breasts are a woman's identity (not for all women, but in general).  It is a symbol of their sexuality, attractiveness (unless you are a butt guy), and a badge of womanhood.  Men don't have a similar body part that is displayed so prominantly.  I have tried to imagine what it would be like and the only thing I can think of is the dream I had as a kid where I went to school and realized I was in my underwear.  I imagine it must feel like that.

 There was a news story recently about a lady who frequents a public pool to swim laps.  After losing her breasts, bathing suits don't fit anymore.  She asked if she could go topless since she had no breasts.  The public threw up their hands and cried foul.  I have thought about it quite a bit.  I believe in modesty and think that our society in general is not very modest.  All entertainment is full of sexual inuendos and women who are dressed like hookers.

I think that a woman without breasts should not go topless.  Not that she is being unmodest, but that all men when presented with a topless women will instantly imagine breasts.  When people see me, that is not an image they picture.  The are more curious about what happened than imagining me with another breast.  I think a better solution would be for the gym (I think it was a gym), to set aside some time for her to swim privately or at least with a notice to warn people.  I don't think that women or older men would have a problem with it, but younger men whith their raging hormones would stare.

As far as a women being attractive without breasts... there is a lot more to a women than boobs.  True beauty comes from within. 

Letlet

MT, I work in Manhattan and I notice women's breasts everywhere! They really are in display. Sometimes I catch myself staring or feel jealous or feel sad. They are everywhere in all shapes and sizes. I shake my head to clear it when I feel the pang of sadness and keep walking.

MT1

Perhaps the double standard that men can go bare chested but women cannot, is bunk. I for one would rather work toward upholding a human experience in all areas of living, some women have double mastectomies after breast cancer diagnosis, and in Jodi Jaecks case nerve damage and discomfort. Even without the described breast cancer scenario, why should women accomodate bad thought processes in men? Why shouldn't the young men with hormones raging be taught to be concious, upstanding and gentle, men? And you know, if 1 in 8 people get breast cancer, the majority being female, there are loads of men, brothers, husband, sons, uncles, who have also been affected by this disease, asking women to accomodate a thought process that keeps us as lesser individuals only serves to enable those individuals who would like to maintain a narrow focus of what it means to fully be and simply human. 

I see what Jodi is working for to be goundbreaking. She put her body in the mainstream media, showing people that breast cancer isn't always about reconstructing your body, there are more women who forego reconstruction than participate in it, but until recently, these women covered up their choices, perhaps because of outmoded thinking. I do understand how difficult it can be to walk the streets, flat and fabulously female.

VooDoo-Nickel

Hi Melly,

 I don't go outside with out a shirt on, unless it's dark when no one can see me.  I guess I haven't come to terms with my new look...one breast/nipple.  Besides, I still have the radiation tan across the left side of my chest.  I supposed I could make up some war stroy about my scars but then I wouldn't feel right when I try and bring awareness to other men about breast cancer...

 Not sure what I want to do at this time...

Bill.