Husband hid under the covers!

levyju

This is my first time on the message boards. I finished chemo in March and radiation in May. My husband of 26 years was not only totally emotionally unsupportive, but actually starting doing drugs to deal with my cancer. He was so depressed during my treatment (HE was depressed?!?!) and would get into bed and not come out for days!! We never once talked about my fears or how I was doing emotionally.  This is a man who has been mildly disabled for 14 years and I have taken care of him and the childeren. I feel totally betrayed by him. How could he not take care of me?? I have kicked him out and am now trying to deal with the help of my friends and family. I have started exercising and have joined WW to get myself healthier. He has hurt me beyond belief. I know it is best to be rid of this man, but it still hurts.

Julie

dlb823

I'm so sorry for what you're going through in addition to the bc.  I guess we just never really know how strong or not someone is going to be in a crisis situation until it happens.  But it must be so disappointing when you were so strong and took care of him for so many years.

Julie, have you considered talking to a psychologist where you were treated?  There are just so many emotional issues and potential problems that go along with a bc dx & tx, most medical centers have psychologists on staff, and very often their support is included in our care. Whether there's any hope or repairing your marriage, or if you just need support and clarity re. separating, I'm thinking someone who deals with and understands these kinds of family reactions might be a good person to talk to right now.

(((Hugs))), and I hope things get better.  At least you have your bc tx behind you!!!    Deanna 

mrsnjband

I have a friend who's husband is like your's. She had her second breast cancer after they were married. He's disabled and she retired early to help take care of him.  Now she gets a not so good mammo check & he throws a fit.  

We were another friends house the other night who is stage 4, I mention that a lot of men can't handle the wife being sick.  He says, "They aren't much of a man then are they?"  

So my heart & prayers go out to you & that you will get through this difficult time. NJ 

levyju

Thanks for responding-It is very nice to be able to vent to people who understand- Thanks for the suggestion Deanna about the psychologist- I actually started seeing a psychologist this past week. As far as the cancer goes, I go for a mammo in 2 weeks and will have surgery to have the port removed later this month. Julie

Moderators

Julie, we're so pleased that you found this wonderful community for support through BC, and dealing with family matters.

paintedlady

Julie

 Sorry to hear about your husband's behavior. I so identify with you! My soon to be divorced spouse refused to be there during the news for the biopsy results and during surgery. He was very disappointed when he learned that the cancer had not spread into my lymph nodes. I felt betrayed and like I was married to an evil monster that wanted me to die so that he could get 100% of the assets.

I am glad I got rid of this unfeeling monster.

Cyber hugs to you.  Take care of yourself. Avoid stress. It will get better!

emikofierros025

Maybe your husband is just scared. There are those kind of men that when you look at them they don't care but they don't know what to do and it looked like they don't care. Have Faith!

veronica56

some people are just narcissitic parasites.  Nothing you can do about ti.

scaredat45

emikofierro

I agree with you I have not been diagnosed as of yet , waiting on a breast surgeon to remove the nodules, but my husband has a hard time showing his feeling to me.  when his mother was dying he would avoid the situation, he didn't want to accept that she was ill but in her last days he was there he had to accept it on his terms,  my husband is a disabled vet severe ptsd , 3 years ago when I had a dr tell me that I had ibc was forwarded to have mammogram the radiologist stated that there was nothing to worry about so I didn't, I had a pea size nodule then, now I have 5 nodules in my breast same discharge for 3 years and they want to play the wait and see game this time my husband  says not to get all worked up the radiologist said to redo mammogram in 6 months I am not waiting any more I know he loves me no questions asked they are  MEN sometimes just have a hard time showing weakness' they are supposed to be the strong ones remember.