The Hermit Club

Lily55

Hey Magdalene - how are you?  not seen you around for a while.....I am just popping in to say hello, have been really ill all year so far, but hope I am not tempting fate by saying I think I am on the mend now, although I am getting fresh sneezing fits.............arghhh.....

Otherwise nothing really new to report, feel overwhelmed with so many medical appointments for so many different issues I am dealing with........some days I feel so weary of it all......

All we can do is keep on plugging and being as happy as we can at any moment in time

Teka

Lily, the last sentence in your post is so true. )

Jazzy, the new bike is a lovely shade of blue. Enjoy!

*Good Evening Hermits*

Winter here............

magiclight

Jazzy, You will be ready to ride and see so much more than when you are walking. Looks like another bike in the left of the photo so will have company?

Teka: Sadly, spring comes a bit later in your area.

Teka

So true! (

Teka

*Good Morning Hermits*

Sunny! 34*F

Time to get on with the day.

BBL

magiclight

Rainy here in AZ today. Staying in and making pizza dough for get together tonight. I started the sponge last night and it sits out all night then goes in fridge for 8 hours then rises another couple of hours - just in time for guests to arrive. I like parties where guests participate in dinner prep - like create your own pizza.

wallan

Its nice to find this thread. I find I am forcing myself to not isolate - going for coffee once a day with someone. But in reality, I just want to sit at home, cuddling my dog, watching movies, reading, or doing whatever I want. Its stress free really.

I do wonder though if staying at home and isolating feeds into my dark thoughts. I do find that if I force myself to socialize, I forget about cancer for a short while or if we are talking about cancer, it is an unburdening or knowing someone cares enough to listen.

I remember when my dad had cancer; he would isolate and just sit in his favorite chair watching sports. He was always a social guy so it was difficult for our family to see him doing that and he was pressured to go outside or go for walk etc. He never did. Yet, he seemed perfectly content while he did that.

So, isolating I think is wonderful for a time, but it needs to balanced with some contact with others. That is why I love these boards. Its contact with people who understand and you can come on here whenever you want!

wallan

M0mmyof3

Last month when I went to see my regular doctor I told him that I had joined up here as a way to help me deal with having gone through cancer and he was very happy that I had done this. He said that even though it was online, at least I had people I could talk to that had been in the same situation

magiclight

Mommyof2...I too think this site is wonderful as it has so many diverse threads that all can choose from. I'm a big word game player, but also find information quite useful on other threads and of course all the funny postings that lift my spirits. I know I can count on you for posts that make me chuckle.

M0mmyof3

Thanks and the same goes for me to you.

Teka

wallan, Hi and Welcome!! You're a real oldie on the threads.

Today is my 7 year anniversary on the threads. A lot of memories.

denisel

I understand completely! I have been criticized by friends for being so "reclusive". I too am a homebody yet other than that, I just do not have the energy to go out. I love being home and it is my safe cozy place, to each his own....and I am embracing that more than ever. Enjoy this time, it is yours

Jazzygirl

Wallan- you don't sound like you are isolating to me, if you are see a friend once a day. Do you enjoy those outings or does it feel like you are forcing yourself to go out?

Perhaps you have become more selective who whom you spend time with and how much. I have to be out a lot with my work (self employed consultant), but when I am not "on" with the work thing, I spend a lot of time doing my own thing. I have been like that for awhile, but find I cannot make small talk or listen to endless complaining. We learn to become our own best friends sometimes......

I am at a yoga retreat this weekend and met some great like minded folks and had some amazing conversations so far. Far better than with some people I have known a long time (and perhaps don't really understand how much I have changed). We all need to feel okay talking about things (or being with people who respect our need to not talk about it).

Fotheringay

Those of us who are introverts are sometimes criticized by our extroverted friends and family, because we may not want what they'd want under the circumstances. Coming to understand our own nature helps; we need alone time to recharge and process, unlike extroverts, who are energized by company.

Being alone doesn't depress me at all; I like the quiet and calm. The diagnosis really threw me, and, as I guess many or most of you have experienced, made me reassess my priorities, and what kind of life I want for now on. And that makes me need more time to think.

Teka

denisel and Fotheringay, Hi and Welcome!!

I'm a homebody. Husband is on the go all the time.

The following was taken from Facebook.

We had a delicious breakfast during a 4 day mini-vacation in August 2015.

magiclight

Being alone and being lonely are quite separate ideas. Maybe I spend the majority of my time alone, yet I rarely feel lonely. Jazz, I understand that meaningful and nourishing conversations play a central role in your life and I dare say in the life of so many other 'hermits.' Accepting who I am is an ongoing process when my American culture celebrates near constant verbal interactions.

Jazzygirl

Great discussion here ladies. Fothering made a great point about the introvert/extrovert expectations. I am an extrovert, but in my private time, I am way more of an introvert. Even when in group situations, I seek out alone time quite often.

Magic also makes a good point about the difference between alone and lonely. I have several family members who have their own issues with being extremely lonely (despite being in a relationship) and having a hard time accepting my need for independence and alone time. I even do holidays by myself, because I don't have much family left, and the ones that are around live far away or not easy to be with.

I always remind myself if the pressure is coming from others to be more social, it has to do with their needs (not being comfortable with your choices, or their desire for you to be different) than anything else.

Now Teka, I want you to Fed X some of that tasty food right on over here! Making me hungry!

wallan

Hi Teka;

Yes, I was dx with in 2004, had all the arsenal of treatment thrown at me, was NED for 13 years, and now I was currently diagnosed again on the other side - I have a mastectomy scheduled for March 8th.

As soon as i was diagnosed, I was on these boards again. It really really really helps me. This time around, I am pretty devastated - I thought I was devastated last time but this feels worse and different.

I do tend to isolate myself. I force myself to go out and socialize once a day for even a short coffee break. I don't have much support in terms of family. I only have my hubby, and he is doesn't support me in the way I need. So, I reach out here. When I am not out for coffee for that hour a day or so, I sit at home alone. I don't call anyone, or have company. In the evening, my hubby is home but he usually is in bed very early because he gets up for work early. So again, I sit alone.

I like to be alone, but I find when I am stressed or upset like I am now, I can brood too much. I want to just brood too. Just sit and do nothing. Watch tv. Surf the web. For hours and hours. Not talk to anyone. Google breast cancer stuff. Brood and stew. I find going out for that coffee break, breaks the brooding for a time. But I do force it.

Sigh... one day I hope to adjust to this new reality again.

wallan

Jazzygirl

Wallen- so sorry to hear about the reoccurence. I believe feeling devestated is very understandable. We will be here to help.

M0mmyof3

Outside of my hubby and the few friends we have, I really have no one around to talk to. That is why I love it here as I can come in anytime and have someone to talk to that understands things from my point of view

Teka

wallan,

The following from your prior post is exactly the way I was when 1st diagnosed in January 2010.

Google breast cancer stuff. Brood and stew.

The following from your prior post is exactly how any thread member would feel.

This time around, I am pretty devastated - I thought I was devastated last time but this feels worse and different.

*Hugs*

We're here for you with support and kindness.

wallan

aaah Teka:

What a beautiful picture. If I could figure out how to print it, I would hang it on my wall. Thank-you.

This is why I love these boards! I'm normal after all. LOL. My hubby cannot understand why I am so devastated. I, myself, am surprised at how rough its been.

I just watched a PBS show on Youtube about how breast cancer recurrance or a new tumor in the opposite breast is a sign now of chronic, incurable disease. This means they can treat it, (as they are). and hopefully that is it and i am in remission for years and years, but there is a higher risk now of mets or even another local tumor or recurrance.

It sucks.

Thank God for the women here!!!

wallan

Teka

wallan,

Try not to go down the rabbit hole!

Try to stay in the sunshine!

I love the following part of a post shared by Lindzanne on this thread.

_____________________________________________________________

Someone in my chemo forum posted this and I wanted to share it with you all, it just really speaks to the kind of support I've found here at BCO.

Jazzygirl

Wallen- I agree with Teka, try not to spend too much time on line researching things that may only frighten you. Use that info for follow up conversations with providers to validate the info. Given you had your initial dx some time ago, there is new data and also resources for breast cancer treatment all the time to help women. My MO (who I saw a few weeks ago) always reminds me of that every follow up visit.

We just are never going to know how we will feel or others will react to any news like this. You are entitled to feel whatever you need to. By accepting those feelings, it is sometimes easier to move through them. That is my experience. Just be patient with all this. A cancer dx (first time or any time after) is not news anyone ever wants to get. Your husband may just be in denial about what is happening or afraid too.

You have some surgery coming up as your first step for treatment. May I suggest that you make your bedroom as comfortable as possible (or spare bedroom if it will be easier to sleep solo for awhile). I think Teka and other women said recliners were helpful after the MX (I had LX). You want to feel prepared for surgery and recovery time at home. Don't hesitate to ask for home health services either. They helped me a a lot through my surgeries.

Jazzygirl

wallan

You are both so right, Teka and Jazzygirl.

I am so glad I joined this thread and ran into the two of you!

Thanks for new art Teka.. I have to find a way to print these.

Stay in the sunshine....

Jazzygirl.. I got on line this morning and saw your checklist... guess what I did?

wallan

M0mmyof3

I take things as they come and try to stay positive

wallan

Thats awesome Mommyof2... I need to learn that kind of serenity.

wallan

M0mmyof3

I had to remind myself of something my maternal grandmother used to tell us. Her mantra was "God only gives you what He thinks you can handle."

Jazzygirl

Wallen- glad we can help here. None of this is easy and no one understands this better than those of us who have been there.

Hermits was my home thread during my initial dx and treatment, and wonderful ladies here. Teka is a long timer, Mommy has been here with us for awhile too and know her from other places too. Magiclight and others are have been here awhile too. This is a slower moving thread but we are often watching, reading and ready to help our sisters!

I am with you on the check list. Still drinking my coffee!